From the Minds of Cahokia's Mounds

Expecting there to be no drama in theater...

2011-12-06T01:50:00.001-07:00

is kind of like walking into an ER and expecting there to be no blood.

=) my new favorite quote.

So...obviously, there was some drama this evening. And since it deals with someone (not me...shocking, right???) blogging about people in our cast (including me) and those people reading it (including me) I won't go into details here for fear of being a hypocrite.Sufficeth to say...thursday should be interesting.

that being said...the show is...interesting. There are good parts and there are painful parts. I'll post the review as soon as IT posts so you can see what I am talking about. I am having fun, or at least I was until tonight, and I'm with mostly friends. and there are possible opportunities. And I know who my REAL friends are after all this drama, they're the ones I pretty much knew about, which is AMAZINGLY comforting. Seriously. I have some really fantastic, wonderful people I get to call my friends and I love that. I have some fiercely loyal friends who won't put up with someone talking about me behind my back. i LOVE that even more!

I'm terribly behind in school. It's gonna take a miracle for me to catch up. please pray. lol. seriously.

I get to meet the guy who directed "Smoke Signals" tomorrow. I'm giddy with excitement! You better believe I will be slipping him my headshot and resume! Here's hoping he needs a fat kiowa to star in a film sometime in the near future!

My agent had a cancellation today and desperately needed a stand in for a film for TOMORROW who is black or dark complected, 6'-6'2" and very slender. AND SHE ONLY EMAILED ME TO SEE IF I KNEW ANYONE!!!!!!!! AND I DID!!!! AND HE GOT THE GIG!!!!! Holy cow...did my status with my agent just improve! Talk about awesome feeling!

trying to dwell on positives, so I will leave you with this:

Read this on my friend Alyssa's status and I want to make it my new motto, especially after tonight:

James 1:19 - "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath"

yea...I need to work on that "wrath" part...=P

a little less sixteen candles...

2011-11-29T08:17:00.000-07:00

a little more touch me...

some how managed to wake up at 755 on my own today...saints be praised!

GOing to work out and then do some sewing to figure out what other 2 costumes will be. I have 2 skirts...hrm...

Need to catch up on more homework still. I can't believe class ends next week..makes me a tad squeamish. =/

I need a frackin scale! or something consistent. I have no clue how much I weigh. grr

well, off to work out!

nobody's perfect...

2011-11-29T00:51:00.000-07:00

and neither am I...I need to remember that this week!

It's hell week for A Christmas Carol...and, well, I have to say I'm a mite excited. I need to check my attitude more and be more positive. I know I can be a great example, I just haven't been doing that lately. I am committing these next few days to serving my castmates in every way I can imagine and focusing on loving all of them. And really focusing on what the story is about and the service we can provide to the community.

Pray I am successful! Cause...there are a LOT of things to be annoyed with!

That said, I am having fun and I enjoy being on stage. But I am getting that...itch...i NEED to direct a show...it's been over a year and I'm going through some SERIOUS withdrawls...and there are several friends who want me to direct...the question is where? I am praying for opportunities while staying true to my resolve. *SIGH* I'll take it as it comes...

I need a hero...

2011-11-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

found sheet music to Bonnie Tyler's "Holdin out for a Hero" thanks to Thomas. Get to use it for an audition on saturday for Xanadu...lol. Should be interesting.

Well, life has calmed down. I need to get caught up but I'm doing ok. Thanksgiving break will be fun but I have no clue where I'm spending it. Story of my life. I have rehearsal friday night and sat morn so I can't stray TOO far but I hope to go somewhere.

Powwow was stressful but good. It made me appreciate all that Ken does for us even more. The man is amazing. He singlehandedly kept that powwow afloat. I almost got sick but I attacked it with Emergen-C head on and the worst I got was a tickle in my throat.

I've been super dehydrated lately. I need to drink more water.

Well, I'm blogging random thoughts. Guess I'm back?

Meme Revisit

2011-11-16T05:12:00.001-07:00

Super bout of insomnia tonight...

Anywho, I just caught up on my friend Mel's blog and she reposted a meme I tagged her in 3 years ago with the updates. lol. Oh man...then when I reread MY ORIGINAL POST it made me sad...and nostalgic for what my life was 3 years ago compared to how it is now. But, I digress...here is my revisit:

8 TV SHOWS I LOVE TO WATCH:

(I love how my original list comprised mostly CANCELED TV Shows. HA!)

1. Person of Interest. It's...like...the love child of "Lost" and "24". SOOOOO good.
2. Pan Am. Another new show. Retro 60's with a great premise. DEFINITELY hooked.
3. Real World/Road Rules Challenges. My favorite dose of trashy, watch-it-alone-in-the-dark reality tv. I salivate at the thought of it coming on. ha!
4. Law & Order SVU. Especially when it's a marathon on USA...awesome.
5. ANTM 17: All stars: I try not to think about how obsessed I am with this show. And Laura is my Favorite and I hope she wins. lol
6. Glee: I'm reluctant to admit this one. Season 2 was my first season and I wasn't too impressed with the first half. The second half got better. I watched ALL of the Glee Project over the summer and I LOVE the people who won, except for the cross-dressing gay guy. So far, I like their story arcs, the ones we've seen anyway. I HATE I can go a month without watching it and only miss one episode. Still not addicted enough to want to pay for the music.
7. Friends. Old habits die hard. I can't decide if I'm happy or sad that it reruns on "Nick at Nite" now. *SIGH*
8. 24. I need to find someone to indoctrine into the ways of Jack Bauer.

8 PLACES I LOVE TO EAT:

Sadly there are several to choose from...which may explain my balloon in weight...* DOUBLE ~~CHIN~~ SIGH*

1. Costa vida...because I have to boycott Cafe Rio on Principle.
2. Applebees...only for the appetizers that are half price after 9...again, insert incoherent reference to my weight gain here.
3. Thai House...haven't been there in TOOO long.
4. Costco....lol I lunch here with cougar bait fairly regularly for a good old fashioned gossip sesh
5. Dennys...sometimes only a $2 quesedilla will suffice whilst writing lesson plans.
6. Chic fil a...the nuggets are sinful
7. My Kitchen...seriously, I'm quite the cook and I know what I like
8. Farr's Fresh...but only with Katie Duh.

8 THINGS THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY

1. Slept in. =D
2. Didn't have class. =D =D
3. Ate at Fazoli's with Cougar Bait and went to H & M
4. Discovered H & M is basically the Ikea of Clothing Stores.
5. Picked up Eric and went to rehearsal.
6. Freaked out about the show (see previous entries)
7. Calmed the hell down after a LONG talk with a friend
8. Caught up on my blog and found the PERFECT audition song for Saturday's "Xanadu" audition

8 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO:

1. This semester being over.
2. Extra Long Christmas Break. =) (Can you say school doesn't start back until Jan 9th?!?!?)
3. Next semester's easy load of Social Studies teaching Composite Electives as a chance to study for the Praxis.
4. My grades for this semester...cause I know they will be good.
5. My brother coming home.
6. The New Year
7. Graduation
8. Being happy

8 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT FALL

1. weather
2. weather
3. weather (maybe it's cheating but I really love fall weather)
4. Snuggling under a blanket, bonus if it's with someone cute.
5. Halloween
6. Spicy smelling scents and candles
7. Anything pumpkin
8. Thanksgiving

8 THINGS ON MY WISHLIST

1. Voice Lessons
2. More Roles on my resume
3. Teaching job after I graduate
4. Someone who likes me
5. chances to indulge my yellow personality
6. feathers to finish regalia for my outfit
7. more friends or people who want to hang out with me
8. World Peace

There you have it. =)

Whataya want from me

2011-11-16T01:24:00.000-07:00

I hate when I relinquish control of my life to circumstances or people. I need validation from others and approval, but they don't have to control how I feel. I tend to forget that. so hearing, after the fact I might add, that i my last show i got blamed for stuff that went wrong really irked me. And made me super self conscious about my acting. And those wounds are still pretty fresh...making me extra sensitive doing this new show. (I'm in a small production of "A Christmas Carol" in Springville) I'm extra wary and guarded and I shouldn't be. Some of my favorite people are in the show with me. *SIGH*

BUT...a couple of things have happened recently that have helped to partially rectify that damage to my psyche. My acting coach telling some some wonderful things about my acting in front of our class was amazing. To quote my friend who is taking the class with me "That was quite the accolade" and it was. Then, tonight, having that same friend talk me out of my self-imposed funk also helped. I am better and ready to proceed. Listening to some Evanescence and finding the perfect 80's audition song also helped a TON. (Though now that I think about it, a billion girls will probably sing it but oh well, they won't sing it as well as I. =D)

Anyway, that is all for now. Just really needed to blog tonight. =)

Leave of Absence

2011-11-15T23:21:00.001-07:00

basically describes where I've been. lol. So...like everyone said, I took on too much. 15 credit hours, being president of the Native club, costuming 2 shows and being a lead in another was too much. I needed it though to show me I do have limits and that there are consequences to surpassing them. I had to drop out of costuming a show. it burned a bridge, one that I don't care too terribly about, but burned a bridge nonetheless. I left them a bit in the lurch, though all they had to do was finish hemming and trimming costumes. i was able to make a REALLY good contact with the other show, which is all that mattered to me, and the director was very impressed with me.

My school and club responsibilities didn't suffer, I don't think. I got a bit behind but after I quit the other show, things lifted and became better. I wasn't as focused as I needed to be on the show I was a lead in and it caused me to learn my lines later than I wanted to. (though, in my defense, there were a LOT of problems with that show in the production side of things that caused it to be such a bad experience. Actually, the director was lazy and had zero communication skills with those of us who weren't "theater majors" but that's an entirely different blog...I take full responsibility for my own actions and I was off book at least a week before the male lead so whatever...) Anyway, I learned a lot from the experience. And that's why I've been so quiet.

I am so excited for...life! I am loving being in school. I am MEANT to teach. I got to go to Albuquerque in the end of October and really found my calling at that Education conference I went to. Again, another post for another day. I just love the direction my life is about to go and i can't wait to get started!

All Dogs Go to Heaven

2011-09-20T01:09:00.000-06:00

See that sweet doggy with her tongue sticking out? That is Lucky. I LOVE that doggy. I called her my Luppy Duppy. My family had for for at least 6 or 7 years...probably more. She was my brother's dog and a favorite of my Dad. She loved me even though i didn't come home often. My sister would hold the phone up to her when I called and I would say "Hello my luppy luppy duppy" and her ears would perk up and her tail would wag. And she'd whimper.

She died today. And I am ok because I said my goodbyes in July. She didn't look so hot then (She had gone blind and had diabetes...) and I honestly prayed that she would be taken soon. She couldn't see me but she recognized my voice even though she hadn't heard it in over 3 years.

Pray for my sister...she's not doin so well. Her cat died 2 years ago and she was the last animal my dad brought home. (That's how we had all our pets growing up...my dad would bring home strays.) Now Lucky is gone and my sister is taking it really hard. The cat died on my father's anniversary of his death. I know it sounds silly but with each one, my sister feels like everything she loves is being taken away and she's taking it really hard. =(

Anyway, I will miss my sweet Luppy Duppy...

Born to Teach

2011-09-17T19:43:00.000-06:00

So, I started this semester as a means to an end: finish my degree whether I teach or not. But with each passing day in class (and mind you I have only had 8 days..) I am reminded why I chose this degree in the first place.

I am born to teach.

There. I said it. I am. Sometimes I feel silly choking back tears when I have a sweet, tender mercy-like experience in class that reaffirms this. I am going to be a good teacher. I know it won't be easy and I know I'm still gonna struggle with my yellow demons, but...I will be awesome.

I have a fantastic professor right now. She is the one who's class I blogged about on the first day of school. Seriously, the woman looks MY AGE. But, on Monday, after our mid class break, we got her talking about 9/11. One of the students had seen her on a BYUTV documentary with survivor stories. She hadn't said anything to any of us yet about that part of her life. And the day after the 10 year anniversary, she found herself telling us a little about her story and how she came to be teaching Secondary Curriculum Instruction & Assessment at UVU. (Bear in mind I said she LOOKS my age which is 32)

She had been a broker on Wallstreet making serious money. Like...SERIOUS money. She was in the basement of the 2nd tower? I believe she was trapped for several hours before the tower came crashing down. Obviously, she lived. She didn't go into too many details because it's still really hard to talk about for her, but, suffice it to say, she reevaluated what she wanted to do with her life. THEN she tells us the following about her:

She holds a bachelor's degree and 2 masters degrees and a doctoral degree.
She backpacked across Asia (and maybe Europe...I can't remember) FOR 8 YEARS
She served in the Peace Corps
She has taught in Refugee camps in Asia as well as other out of the way places throughout the world.
She taught at American Fork High School for 5 years before teaching at UVU and getting her Doctorate.
She has a 9 year old daughter. And I think, though I have no clue, but I think she is a single mom.

Needless to say, She's PROBABLY not 32. lol. Then she started talking about her passion for education and training teachers for new generations. And I LOVE HER. I have similar thoughts and values when it comes to teaching and I why I want to teach.

I can't thank God enough for the circumstances that lead me to UVU. And for the circumstances that lead me to finishing my degree when I am. She isn't the only professor I have right now who's classes I KNOW I was supposed to take. I know, it sounds mildly crazy. But there is "a time to every purpose under heaven" and this is my time. and my little brain is just soaking it all up. I am just so content and so freaking happy. THIS is what all that crap I've been through the last year or so has been for. THIS is what I've been fighting though the tunnel to obtain.

ok. enough of my silliness for one day. =)

I am happy.

2 weeks and counting...

2011-09-17T19:22:00.000-06:00

I love Shawshank Redemption...it's one of my top 5 Movies. Everytime Brooks gets out of prison, it just breaks my heart knowing what comes next. And the movie has taken a different meaning now that I someone close to me is in prison.

Anyway, that has nothing to do with the title, I just happen to be watching Shawshank right now. I'm actually enjoying having my house all to myself on last weekend before I move. I will miss living with Somerset. And Kim. but I am excited for my new place. and ward.

Oh, I signed a contract the other day. I will be moving into a townhouse. And I am super super excited! I LOVE my room and it's a nice area.

I'm stressed but it's a good stress. I am enjoying my classes and loving the activities i am involved in. I think it will be a fun year for the Native Club and I can't wait til my show opens and the other shows open so i can see how the costumes look. It's weird to think all that chaos will be over soon.

I am going to do my classroom observation at UCAS, which is a science charter school on the UVU campus. (most kids are 100% concurrently enrolled in UVU classes and graduate with their associates degree.) I am excited. And it doesn't hurt it's located about 50 feet from the Education building. =D

I look at how content and happy I am right now and contrast that to where I was at the beginning of the summer and it's...night and day. I guess the crazy thing si how much I didn't realize how unhappy I was.

That being said I need to do some damage control. My weight is out of hand. I weigh more than I have ever weighed in my life. UGH Like I need THAT to deal with. Making some SERIOUS changes starting today. Hope to see some results soon. *SIGH* the ever present battle.

and I leave you with this thought:

Dear Taylor Lautner,

While I applaud your effort to be something OTHER than a werewolf in movies, I don't think anyone will see you as anything BUT a werewolf. Don't be shocked if your next move bombs.

Love Me.

Home is where...

2011-09-12T23:46:00.000-06:00

you make it?

So I'm hunting for an apartment/place to live. I want to be in the boundaries of a new ward I want to attend.

Not having to worry about BYU approved housing (HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I'm hunting in a specific area of Orem. And let me tell you...there are some interesting listings! With today's economy, young married couples (or in some cases not so young) are renting rooms out in their own homes. Rooms. Like...where the nursery/kid's room is supposed to be. In a house with a married couple. Multiple roommates.

SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?

I understand that times are tough...and a changin...but...come the hell ON people. It's freaking Orem. I feel like I'm answering an ad for swingers wanting...something other than just a roommate. Seriously. But they will word their ads ever so carefully so as not to immediately creep you out. Nope, that comes when you call them to clarify just what exactly "Must love our dog" means...creepy. and kinky...and...well, other not so appropriate things.

luckily, I have my eye set on a specific condo place. Or i just an ad for a basement apartment actually ON the golf course in west Orem that includes...wait for it...ALL utilities, including cable and internet. REALLY hoping I can run over there tomorrow and snag the place practically sight unseen, fur reals!

Anyway...I'm oddly excited to move and have my own place. I know I tried it several years ago and I wasn't ready to live by myself just yet. If it weren't for Craig and Will and my cat I don't think i would have escaped unmedicated...that was probably the closest I've EVER been to depressed in my life. BUT...that being said, I'm in a much MUCH better place now. And I'm excited for this ward so hopefully it will work out. Otherwise, I'm perfectly content to live in these condos. The guy I'm talking with won't be back in town til wed so that is the earliest I could sign anything with him. I'll pester this other chick tomorrow. =) Hopefully, I'll have something signed by friday and I'll have a whole 2 weeks to pack and move crap over. And I'll probably do a HUGE purge of clothing and crap this time around so I'll be making a few DI runs as well.

New year new place...

2011-09-12T01:17:00.000-06:00

So I have discovered a new ward that I am excited about. But, while you can attend all you want, you have to live in the boundaries to really be in the ward and have a calling and whatnot. SOOO....

I am moving. Again. I'll miss this place but it's a good time to move. And I think I'll be living in some condos off of Geneva road which will be fun. And closer to UVU and the freeway which will shave a few minutes off of my commute to work in Mapleton.But I will miss living with Somerset. And Kim. I don't really like the new chick; she's got a little of what I call "Bitter Fat Chick Syndrome" and it's annoying to hear her talk and complain about her day and stuff. So I won't miss her. But I'll miss the house and the dogs. But, let's be honest, save for my last birthday party which lasted not super long, I haven't really hosted much.

I am loving school The plays are going great. I'm doing a lot of shopping (not with my money) and sewing. I need to memorize more lines. I hung out with different people this weekend which was fun. And different. And I'm REALLY excited for this ward. I have been one of the "young ones" in a while. And as I was standing around at ward prayer tonight, about 80% of the guys were quite a bit taller than me. So THAT'S where all the tall guys went. lol. But, seriously, I'm excited about meeting some new people and all that jazz.

So far, school is going well. I'm not behind yet, which is always a good thing. my goals are small: to not miss class, even if I show up an hour late. (most of my classes are 2 or 3 hours long) So far so good. I'm also turning in all assignments, even if they are late. Seems trivial but these are things I have serious problems with and that usually cause me to do badly in school.

I'm trying to be a good Native Club president but I will be leaning on my officer quite a bit...but that's what Officers are for, right?

Anyway, life is great right now. I'm so dang blessed. I hope it continues!

Dear Utah Weather as of Late:

2011-08-29T22:36:00.000-06:00

Stormy skies...lightning-filled nights...damp pavement in the morning and evening...

You have given us all of these things and more...

Please please PLEASE don't stop. It's curing my homesickness. And taking my mind off of unpleasantries.

That is all.

Charlotte's Web

2011-08-29T22:33:00.000-06:00

so...first days of school are laden with "getting to know you" questions. I secretly love this part of the year. Whether it's finding out if that cute guy is single or telling what I think are passe things about myself to total strangers I don't know, I just love it.

In my only class today we did an interesting exercise. First, we listed some traits about ourselves in one column. Easy, right? the next column we had to list movie titles that EMBODIED the traits we listed. Among them, I thought of "Shakespeare in Love" because I had listed Actress, director and costumer and I felt that movie embodied all 3. Then in the next column we had to pretend we were that Movie and list things we might say...I said things like "misunderstood because of my rating" (it's R) "Award-winner" "Love Story" "tragedy" etc. Then we had to, in the next column, write down words that were opposites, like tragic love story, etc...then we had to circle the most opposite of the comparisons. I chose Tragic/love story. THEN we had to come up with items, or anything else really, that contained that dichotomy. I listed, among other things, Charlotte's Web. And FINALLY we had to stand up and introduce ourselves by saying our names and how we are like whatever we chose. We had some great ones. One guy was Voldemort. One guy was a new Job. A couple were school. My favorite was...something about money. it was funny. Pretty unique i would say.

and I'm one day closer to being a teacher. =)

It's that time again

2011-08-25T16:03:00.000-06:00

bah...can't believe I'll be back in class next week. I also forgot the wonders of financial aid. I am so unbelievably blessed to have so many wonderful people in the multicultural office on my side and fighting for me. They have helped me avoid so many fees and yards of red tape by just doing their jobs and doing them well. I can't fully express how thankful I am.

I can't wait to stretch my mind again. I've been watching lots of historical documentaries on netflix all summer to get back into the swing of things. I downloaded the Praxis study guide for world & US history Content Knowledge, and man...I have a LOT of outside studying to do if I'm gonna pass that test. 120 questions covering ALL of world and US history. lol. That's a lot of topics to try to cover hoping you covered the right ones. might have to invest in the flashcards and study guide they offer. If I can qualify for a fee waiver (it's an EXPENSIVE test) It just might be worth while to invest $80 to help ensure I will pass the test. I need to take it before I can student teach but i don't necessarily have to pass it. However I only wanna take it once so...might as well do it right. My advisor, the one who wants to hire me after I graduate, suggested I have an active license in case an adjunt faculty position comes up; they could fight harder for me to teach a UVU course if I have a license to teach. So...I will do what I can.

Not too long ago it all seemed so hopeless. Part of me wishes I would have known how easy it was to get back in. It took a while and some patience and some writing and some fighting, but not as much as I thought. Of Course, I also don't think i was ready to go back and commit 100% to it until now. Everything happens when it's supposed to, you know? You just need to the faith to know that it will all work out.

I have once class from 1-4 on mondays, one online class, and 4 classes on tuesday. That's my schedule. =) (The Education classes are weird...my 3 credit Educational Psychology class meets on Monday from 1-4 instead of MWF 1-2...I like it but...it sucks when you have, say, geography that meets at normal times. I am registering for the night section so I'm in school from 8a-3p and then a break to study then Geography is 6p-9p...)

SO...NO ONE LET ME HANG OUT ON TUESDAYS! =D

My advisor who I work with on the native club attended a section of an orientation that talked about the color code. I told him I was a yellow and, lo and behold, he walked in during the presentation of the Yellow personality. LOL. He told me he chuckled rather heartily and understands me a LOT better now. hee hee...still working on keeping my negative yellow qualities in check.

Anyway, I'm excited. I actually YEARN to do papers, and presentations, and such. I guess be careful what I wish for?? =)

That hat is HUGE

2011-08-22T13:17:00.000-06:00

So the kids at my work started a project before I arrived to knit 100 hats to donate to a homeless shelter or something like that. they use, among other things, these looms:

Most make baby hats on the small one or regular hats on the medium ones. I always notice that the huge on is not being used. at all. So, when one of the kids taught me how to do it yesterday and I finished my pink baby hat, I thought I'd get ambitious and move on to something bigger. but the only loom available was the biggest one. lol.

So i got some fuzzy green and white yarn and got to work. I picked up a double (was there in the morning and asked to stay) yesterday and in the evening I was with a room of boys. When I walked in, they had some art therapy and were pretty quiet. Through out the next 3 hours, as I plucked away at my "hat" each of the 8 boys commented, totally separately, to me something like: "wow...that hat is HUGE" "That's a BIG hat!" "I have a big head...and that Hat would DWARF me"

heeheehee....I love those boys. They crack me up.

Pigs are a-flyin!

2011-08-18T02:27:00.000-06:00

Ahem....

I auditioned for a play tonight..."Legends of Sleepy Hollow". A friend of mine wrote it and it's quite an awesome script. All these characters talk about the ghosts in Sleepy Hollow. There are lots of female characters who are in love with Ichabod Crane. One of them, Alice Hudson, falls in love with Ichabod, even though he is infatuated with Katrina Van Tassel. I won't ruin the ending but, suffice it to say, Alice is a leading role.

I just landed my first leading role. In a play I'm not directing.

I'm Alice Hudson.

Just Dance

2011-08-17T02:57:00.000-06:00

Been using my wii this week...I need to be more active again. Got super lazy during Hairspray. lol

Gonna be a busy week sewing. I have to make 1-3 costumes by Saturday. *Gulp* I'm fairly certain I can do it. =)

Nerds fascinate me. Nerds in love befuddle me. Just sayin

Audition for another play tonight. Trying to decide if I want to get in. lol. I'm going for it, that's really all I know.

Costuming for 2 plays that actually have a substantial budget for costumes? A dream. Costuming 2 plays that ACTUALLY have a budget for costumes? Astounding.

REALLY enjoyed this weekend. Between work and hanging out with friends, it was the best weekend I've had in a while.

Officially fallen in love with Chobani fat free greek yogurt. Like...salivating just THINKING about it.

First paycheck over $350 on Friday...in, like, over a year. Yup...my life HAS been that sad.

School starts in less than 2 weeks and stuff STILL isn't ironed out. *SIGH* I think i can I think I can I think I can...

really wishing these sudden spurts of gumption...energy...organization would be the norm rather than spurts...but then I wouldn't be a yellow, now would I?

I've actually been...*GASP* tweeting...go figure...nevermind that 50% of my tweets are in response to cougar bait. whatev

been feeling fantastic about the auditions I've had lately...even though I wasn't cast. I feel like I'm on the edge of something...glory maybe? (just continuing the Lady gaga reference in my title...)

that is all.

Just Like Heaven...

2011-08-15T00:53:00.000-06:00

That song was on the radio when I got in my car tonight and it made me realize how much I love it.

So, not sure if I mentioned it or not, but I have a new job. I work at a private residential treatment facility as a Mentor, which basically means I facilitate the scheduled activities that the teenagers who are there do daily. Sometimes if a kid is on a behavior precaution, I stick with them all day, but I mostly go where I am needed.

At the end of my first 2 weeks, and 59 hours, I can officially say that I love it. Everything about it. I feel completely validated. Remember how I kept thinking something was missing? I found it. I know it doesn't sound like I do much at all. But these kids have gone through a lot, both self-inflicted and not. A lot have some entitlement issues from a menagerie of reasons. Some self-harm. Some have substance abuse issues. Some have other issues with abuse. All of them, to me at least, are sort of inspiring. They have good days and bad days, like most teens. But to hear some of the things they have lived through and are wanting to rise above? awesome. I'm in awe.

I'm still learning the ropes. I'm still trying to gain trust. But it feels good when I hear "Do you know when you work next?" "When do we get to see you?" "You were with the boys today??!?! We thought you were ours!" from these kids. And getting good feedback from my supervisors, hearing things like "You're such a natural..." "You're the best of the newer staff I've worked with so far" "You are so good with these kids" also helps. =)

Seriously, I didn't think I'd be super crazy about this job. I promised my roommate I wouldn't embarrass her since she recommended me, but I honestly thought it would be a temporary thing until substitute teaching started up again in a few weeks. But the more time I spend with these kids the more I feel like I can actually make a smidgen of a difference.

Today, I mentioned to the boys I was with that I had my karaoke machine in my car. They lit up. They asked if they could sing for a group activity. (They can earn privileges like these during the week...) Not only was it ok, but the girls would get to do it in the evening, too. (I worked a double today so I was there from 9a-11p).
Karaoke was a HUGE hit for both boys and girls. the few boys and girls who hadn't earned the privilege to participate, worked hard at working off their consequences so they COULD do it next time. And they made me promise there would be a next time. I giggled at the song choices and loved how much confidence they didn't realize it took to get up and sing solo in front of their peers. Will be using it as a behavior incentive in the future, I am sure of it.

As I sit here listening to the thunderstorm, I am content. I am happy. I feel complete. If I can just get everything else in my life back in order, I just might be able to stay that way.

The 'Stache

2011-08-15T00:35:00.000-06:00

A party was held...we "honored" (or dishonored as the case may be) the Stache...

Some were knitted while others were natural....

While others imitated....

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?

Still others were made of "Milk" (or...in my case, eyelash glue...)

Pinatas were beheaded......

Yielding mousetrap weapons for crazy stached boys..

all sorts of us girls got in the mix...

and were apparently "irresistible" for certain "tigerbeards"

Gauntlets were thrown...in the form of boulders...

Did you know that there is something magical about

Chinese Paper Lanterns???

even when they crash and burn......

Spiders got torched...

Chulos came out to play.........

The End...

Home Stretch

2011-08-02T11:18:00.000-06:00

Well, a lot has happened since the last blog. Unfortunately,we won't be producing Pirates in October. The City of Orem wouldn't let us raise money at the event for a charity, which was kind of the deal breaker for Me, Patrick and Eric. *SIGH* well, we can focus on doing something bigger and better next year it's just a little disheartening when everything seemed to be falling into place.

But when one door closes...

I am branching out in the costuming dept. I am doing costumes for a short film in Aug, so like 2 weeks, and it's rough but fun.And will be one more thing on my acting resume, right? I auditioned for a murder-mystery play in Springville but wasn't cast. I WAS, however, asked to do costumes. ANd it's 1950's Hollywood Glam...um, can you say DREAM???So excited to be up to my elbows in taffeta and petticoats and awesomeness. Oh,and Eric landed the lead, so that will be fun to know someone in the cast. I was also asked to do costumes for a play up in Draper that runs at the same time as springville. Since I'm not acting in either, i should be able to juggle things without a problem. And it's set in medieval times...yea! How fun!

I am auditioning for 3 shows at different theaters, one in salt lake, one in PG and one at the SCERA. Who knows if I will make anything, but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, right? Which translates to you don't make 100% of the shows you don't audition for...

I'm plugging through finishing my appeals to get back into school. It's been super frustrating the last couple of weeks but I'm barreling through; it will all be worth it in the end.

Hairspray was awesome. I was happy to see those who DID come, but, only about 12 of my friends actually came, which is sad because out of ALL of the shows they have sat through, this is the ONLY one I REALLY wanted everyone to see. *SNIFF* I guess everyone was used to having 6 weeks to catch a show, not 10 days. Oh well. Nothing I can do. Those who came loved it and I got awesome feedback each night so the whole process was worth it to me.

went home for the 4th. It was good to see my brother and sister but...not entirely sure it was worth the trip. oh well. you win some you lose some, right?

Everything seems blah right now. Might have something to do with the fact that I haven't been to church in 2 months...maybe.Guess I should remedy that, eh?

Got a new job at my roommates work. I'm a mentor at a private treatment facility for teenagers. I'm nervously excited. I start tomorrow and also work sat evening, sunday day, and then next thurs and fri days. Feels good to be working steady again and it will be good experience for teaching.

Guess that's all for now. I'll try to update more often.

Bar None Productions

2011-06-21T04:17:00.000-06:00

So...remember how I've always wanted to run my own theater company and put on my own shows? No? well, it's sort of been something I've kicked around for years with friends but never had the means to do it. I still don't have the means, but I do have an avenue. And things are scarily falling into place. And...I might officially be able to add "theater producer" to my acting resume as of September 2011.

I was talking to my friend Patrick about this idea back in April or May. And how we should do it. Then my roommate tells me that a new outdoor stage is being built on center street and their vision fits what I want to do with my friends. I did a little research and lo and behold the Orem Arts Council loves our idea. One loooong Sunday meeting with Eric, Patrick and my roommate Kim, one proposal drafted in the wee hours of the morning and attending my first Orem Arts Council meeting later and voila! I bring you:

BAR None Productions.

We love the idea of putting on a show that is free to the general public but we accept donations. (The stage doesn't lend itself to charging for admission at ALL...) And we donate all profits to a local charity. All profits. IE, we're not in this to make money. Yes, that would be nice, but this idea is something UNIQUE. Suffice it to say I don't think anyone else does what we'd like to do.

SO...BAR stand for the initial of each of our last names and None is a play on words for "non-profit" or making no money. lol. Not sure if it will stick or not but I like it for now.

The plan? try to raise money to put on a show, do a kids carnival before each of the 6 performances, then perform "Pirates of Penzance". We have a long way to go but a lot of people are already on board and we're anxious to get the ball rolling. I hope to have news soon! I am super excited for the possibilities!

Welcome back...

2011-06-21T03:13:00.000-06:00

So...Yes, I have Hairspray on the brain. =)

I'm about to register for classes and have just decided on my schedule. GULP. I have one class on mon, 3 on tues and one on thurs. See, the Secondary ed dept schedules their classes in large blocks on only one day so you can get your mandatory school observation in each week without a prob. Problem is, if you are trying to take ANY other class, say Theater or Geography in my case, you are limited to what you can take.

So, knowing that I will be going on 2 trips in sept and oct as the Native Club President to New Meixico, I decided to schedule heavy tuesdays. My thurs class is an acting class with a teacher that directs at both Hales, so I want to take that class for purely selfish reasons. It's a difference between 16 credits and 13 credits. *SIGH* And I scheduled my geography class for tues evenings, knowing that I will be directing a play in September only. HOWEVER...I have 2 competent assistants to look to to run rehearsals on tuesdays, Eric and Patrick. SO it shouldn't be a problem. Plus, if I decide on a light load or to audit the theater class, I really only have class on Mon and Tues with a 2 cred online class that I will have to finish. (hopefully I can knock it out in a few weekends in october.)

Sheesh. I feel about 7 years younger stressing over classes. Oh, did I mention I would be student teaching in January? and Graduating in May? Crazy? you bet...I'd be finished in December if I wanted to graduate in just history but I'd have to finish my thesis and I'm not sure I really want to and I would have to catch up in German. lol. Lesser of the 2 evils? maybe. Rushing graduation while trying to be Native Club President? probably not too smart. I'm ok tacking on an extra semester so that I'm "Marketable" in case the job with UVU falls through.

I am super excited to move on, though. And finally finish. Now...to just jump the final hurdles so I can register.

Hairspray Hijinks

2011-06-17T15:56:00.002-06:00

SO have I mentioned that our Edna is played by a wonderful 17 year old boy? or that Wilbur, his/her husband is played by said boy's FATHER? Um yes...hysterically funny and awesome all at the same time. Here is a facebook status that pretty much made my year:

EDNA

I would publicly like to apologize to all women who have ever or will ever wear high heels, they kill.

WILBUR: They found a size 14 high heel?

EDNA: The problem is they FEEL like a size 5

ME: heeeheeeheee...take some ibuprofen and it'll block some of the pain

EDNA’S REAL MOTHER: Hahahahahahaha!

PRUDY: My husband gave me an awesome foot rub last night. Ask your husband to do that for you, too. :>)

ME: lol!

EDNA: Throw up in my mouth.

ME: ok I feel like I need therapy and I'm not them...lol

PRUDY: Actually, some of that pain rub cream, even though it smells pretty gross, works, too. And another tip--don't go running after rehearsal like some Bible-thumping abusive mother did last night. (sigh)

FEMALE FRIEND: ‎@EDNA - I can teach you to run in them :D

MALE FRIEND ‎@Prudy - I would pay to be there when EDNA asks S or N for a foot rub.

ME: this entire thread might have just made my day...lol

FEMALE FRIEND #2: but they look so cute. ;)

PRUDY: ‎@MALE FRIEND--how much? :>)

DIRECTOR: Wait...WILBUR...so you missed your son's grand debut as Edna? It was fabulous! Luckily BRAD got lots of video so there'll be something for you to look at later. Milestones are great, aren't they? LOL

PRUDY: Can I just say, the dress is really cute. And EDNA, ditch the slip. Go without. It's a freeing experience.

SOME RANDOM TEENAGE BOY: I know what you mean I wore my sisters and she started to chase me and I had to run away. in high heels. it hurt

I know where I've been

2011-06-14T12:54:00.000-06:00

So...

I've had an interesting month, as you read in my last post.

I have been busy, as always. Earnest is almost over, only 2 weekends left. My new ward is coming on monday. I"m excited, yet...nervous for that. The theater is, well, it's run-down. And very modest. And I have people in my ward who do shows at the Hale and other places in the valley and I think I'm afraid they'll judge me/us. I'm sure that's not the truth, but, being naturally insecure, it's what I'm thinking.

And to be honest, I haven't enjoyed this show as much as in the past. For starters I keep getting treated like the director and getting chewed out like I am EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT. AT ALL. NOT EVEN ASSISTING. But I guess I'm too nice not to step in when something is needed. *UGH* This is my last show here. For a variety of reasons. And I guess I was hoping to have an awesome experience but I am not and it's a little sad. Don't get me wrong, I love my cast and the show, itself, is actually pretty good. There are just other factors that are making it different for me this time around. I guess that's a good way to ensure I won't do another show there ever again, right?

Hairspray is getting more and more fun. I FINALLY have my script and can start on my characterization. My music is sounding awesome and I'm working hard at it being amazing. My costumes and wig will ROCK. I am so dang excited for this show I can't even stand it. I'm finally feeling validated in my work as an actress. I get so many compliments on my singing, which I am NOT used to hearing at all, and it's been really good for me to do this show.

I'm going to be "working" for UVU's Multicultural office in a variety of capacities. I'll be doing some Regalia construction for their Cultural Envoys. (Hooray for the Kobell Settlement and the surge in money that they get to spend on Native American programs!) And my services are being contracted out, meaning, I'll actually be PAID TO SEW! What a concept, right? I'm quite excited it about it.

Things are coming along nicely for the fall. I'll officially be back in school. Last semester of Education classes and then student teaching in January. And I have scholarships! And Grants! And I WON'T HAVE TO TAKE OUT A LOAN!!!! *SIGH* So happy. And, I'll have a full-time staff position with UVU's Multicultural Office, (90% chance) when I graduate. And, I'll be, hopefully, able to take some masters classes, prob an MEDucation, which will allow me to teach introductory-level history classes at UVU. I can't believe all of this is falling into place. If I had only known, I would have tried sooner! But...everything in it's own time, right?

I had an interesting epiphany over the last couple of weeks. I had been avoiding one of my friends because this individual was driving me crazy. This person was being rather selfish and self-absorbed, which is not the person I became friends with several years ago. I came close to ignoring this person in my FB feed because they were uploading pictures of themselves CONSTANTLY in this obnoxious "Look at Me" manner. And there were other things that were getting on my nerves about this person to cause the resentment that was building up.

Anyway, I finally ended up hanging out with this person recently and realized that they had been needing me for a while and I was so wrapped up in myself that I hadn't realized I REALLY needed to be a friend. It was very sobering. And it made me reflect on my last few months and I realized that the adversary has been working on me rather relentlessly. I'll wake up with absolutely no desire to go to church. And those are the days i KNOW i need to go because when I do, amazing things happen. Anytime I get insecure and don't want to make any social efforts I KNOW i need to because when I do, I meet amazing people and have a really great time. With Hairspray, I was content to stay in my own little bubble of people I already know and not branch out. And this weekend I realized there are some wonderful kids who have been looking up to me this whole time and I almost missed out on getting to know them and being a good example to them. How have I been missing they way that they look at me? How have I missed this opportunity to serve others? Not just in this cast but in general? I've been so wrapped up in my own problems I've forgotten that the best way to ride out the storm of adversity is to serve someone else.

Well, now I know. And I'm not gonna miss any more chances to do what I know I do best: serve. This is the perfect time to perfect myself and FINALLY feel progress, finally more forward instead of just treading water.

One last experience that I had and actually bore my testimony about this month that I don't want to forget:

So my roommate and I were on our way home from Thanksgiving point-ish. It was really late, after midnight, and the freeway exit we had got off on was blocked so that we couldn't go back that way. We ~~were forced to~~ decided to follow the detour path. Soon, we were on the other side of the Movie theater on the frontage road and we thought "Yea, we're on our way".

Then, out of no where, we hit another detour sign and were forced to turn right, AWAY from the highway where we wanted to go. She said "let's just go on through, I'm sure it's ok" and I was like "No, let's follow the sign, I'm sure it won't strand us in the middle of now where with cows and polygamists!" So we did. Not too long after, we started going back toward the freeway again. And just when we could see the stoplight we wanted to be at, we hit ANOTHER DETOUR SIGN. She was getting frustrated, as was I, but yet again, we followed the sign. Not too long after that, we rejoined State Street and realized that, because of the construction on the freeway (it's being widened by 2 lanes on both sides) state street is sort of being "Moved" further west. Had we not followed the signs, we probably would have ended up in a ditch or stuck in some dirt and rubble or something.

Anyway, I realized this experience has pretty much encapsulated my life for the last 6-12 months. I feel like i'm on one long detour. I can SEE where I know i NEED/WANT to be, but the road keeps leading me in the opposite direction, eventually taking me closer and closer to that on ramp of the rest of my life. I need to have faith that the Lord won't leave me stranded somewhere or lead me to nothing. I know that, once I get to where I'm going, I will be able to look back and see that even though there was a shorter route, it was riddled with impassable obstacles that would have left me stranded. Even though it feels like I'm going in the opposite direction of where I "need" to be, they path that I am on is where I actually need to be. I know I am in the ward I'm supposed to be in. I know I'm doing the things I'm supposed to be doing. I know I'm living where I should be living. I can't hang on to where I've been the last 5 years of my life forever; I need to move on and get to where I'm going. And, even though it's hard and I spend a LOT of time at my house, doing nothing, when I know that my friends are out doing things without me, I'm where I'm supposed to be. And I need to let go and follow instead of constantly fighting inevitable changes and hanging onto the past.

"Cause just to sit still would be a sin...I know where I'm going and I know where I've been..."

Nothin But a Good Time...

2011-06-04T02:08:00.000-06:00

So...It's been a quiet month. For a reason. I've been...embarrassed to admit something. And now, I think I'm ready.

See...I'm the kind of person who eats while I shop. If I'm craving donuts, I'll go to a grocery store, buy a donut or two and nibble on my way up to the register. Or, while I shop. I'm usually pretty good about remembering to pay for what I munch on. Well, 5ish, almost 6 years ago, I was at a grocery store and did the same kind of thing. I wandered in for no particular reason, and decided to try a protein bar I had always wanted to try. I got distracted and put the wrapper on a shelf while I picked something else up to look at it and somehow, forgot all about it. (I think I got a phone call or something...that usually makes me forget vital things...) I got to the register, paid for the things in my basket and was "detained" on my way out. By the "Loss Prevention" guys...holding the protein bar wrapper. (They were apparently following me around) Long story short, they charged me with Retail theft. And "technically" arrested me (well, the cop who showed up did.)

My public defender told me that the law covers "Omission" (for obvious reasons...otherwise every criminal would be like...uh, I just forgot to pay?) so she advised me to plead guilty so that this particular judge would be easy on me. And he was, he charged me only a fraction of the usual $1000 fine. She also told me that I could expunge it after a certain number of years.

Well, I paid the fine and thought nothing else of it. I've had several jobs since then but for some reason, this STUPID mistake has cost me the last FOUR JOB OFFERS that i have had, including Ancestry.com. It's in the process of being expunged but...it could still take another 2 months and it's already been 1. So...that's why I've been so quiet. It's been hard to admit that's the reason I can't seem to get hired anywhere. I'm not some low life, but I did something really dumb and am paying for it now. There is a reason for all things and I know that I needed to get this taken care of before I graduate and a REAL job gets lost because of it, not some part-time thing, you know? but still...I hate having to learn REALLY hard lessons; I don't handle them well.

Anyway, back to the title of this post. So there's this place in Orem called "Callie's Cafe". And they turn into a "bar" after 10pm...and they do Karaoke on the weekends. I went tonight with some of my castmates: Eric, Andrew, M'liss, Alyssa and Chelsea and we had an ABSOLUTE blast. Us girls would get up and dance while others sang. Eric sang "house of the rising sun" and "Gimme 3 Steps". I sang "When you're good to mama", "Heartbreaker", and "Broken" (By seether). Some of the others sang some classics:

These Boots were made for walkin

Ballroom Blitz

Landslide

Barracuda

Bohemian Rhapsody

and some others I can't think of right now. It was SOOO much fun and it took my mind off today. (I was turned down, YET AGAIN, for a job because of my STUPID background check not clearing...le sigh). I love my friends. I love my cast. I LOVE karaoke and having a blast. The waitress came over to Andrew while we were dancing to the last song of the night, "Nothin but a Good time" by poison, and was like "Have ya'll ever been here?" and He said "Some of us have but this is my first time" and she said "You all need to come back more often!"

And so we are. Why don't you join us?

Pretty Pretty Please....don't you ever ever feel

2011-05-06T01:35:00.001-06:00

that you're less than...less than perfect...to me.

I freaking love that song (though I can't seem to get a copy of the radio edit...I can't handle the f words...lol)

So I stumbled upon this website a few days ago:

IT GETS BETTER.ORG

What is it?

"About the It Gets Better Project
Growing up isn’t easy. Many young people face daily tormenting and bullying, leading them to feel like they have nowhere to turn. This is especially true for LGBT kids and teens, who often hide their sexuality for fear of bullying. Without other openly gay adults and mentors in their lives, they can't imagine what their future may hold. In many instances, gay and lesbian adolescents are taunted — even tortured — simply for being themselves.
Justin Aaberg. Billy Lucas. Cody Barker. Asher Brown. Seth Walsh. Raymond Chase. Tyler Clementi. They were tragic examples of youth who could not believe that it does actually get better.
While many of these teens couldn’t see a positive future for themselves, we can. The It Gets Better Project was created to show young LGBT people the levels of happiness, potential, and positivity their lives will reach – if they can just get through their teen years. The It Gets Better Project wants to remind teenagers in the LGBT community that they are not alone — and it WILL get better." (taken from HERE)

I may have also spent the better part of the night bawling like a baby watching these videos. I'm about to admit something I haven't told a lot of people.

I was bullied in elementary school. We didn't have a lot of money growing up. at all. And I was "the smelly kid". The "Fat girl". The "Girl with the Lazy Eye" (which actually isn't a Lazy eye...just something fun to do at parties...lol). My sister was teased, too. 25 years ago, we just had to deal with it, find a safe refuge, and ride out the storm until the hormones kicked in and EVERYONE felt awkward.

But let me tell you...kids today have it FAR worse than I did. Add in the lovely invention we call the internet and social media and you get a WHOLE OTHER KIND OF ANIMAL. I can't imagine what some of these kids today have to go through.

And I'm straight.

I don't care who you are or what you believe, NO ONE deserves to be bullied. NO ONE deserves to feel like their only option is to end their life. I think this website and this movement is awesome. And wonderfully inspiring. and SO TRUE, not just for Gay/Lesbian teens and youth. If I could help save someone's life by telling them High School isn't real life, I would. I love that someone else thought of it first.

My life wasn't defined by what others thought of me as a child. (Surprisingly, I quite enjoyed Jr/Sr high school...) Thankfully, it never got bad enough that I wanted to end my life. But, sadly, that's not the case for a LOT of kids today, all kinds of kids. I hope projects like this one helps them realize that it DOES get better. And it's WORTH it to find out why.

It's Been a While...Since I could...

2011-05-03T00:29:00.001-06:00

hold my head up high...it's been awhile..since I said I'm sorry...

Love that song!

And I realized i haven't posted in almost a month! Gah! What gives? Well, a LOT has been going on. Crazy crazy things. Where to start?

Well, on the job front-

So I was working at a shady call center called response marketing. lol. SUPER shady...you know those popups that won't go away without you entering your information and they want you to "go back to school"? Yeah...I was an "education consultant"...lol. SUPER SHADY...and it barely paid any bills. But from about feb til 2 weeks ago, that was my vocation.

Then, I got a job with AMP security as a data entry agent. Ah...security systems in UT...not exactly a SUPER HONEST industry...each company was basically started by some top seller at another company who thought "Hey...I can start my own business and then I can take home a LOT of money..." And they do start their own companies..and they are usually EXACTLY like their rival company they used to work for...complete with all their tricks and secrets...AMP is no different; it was started by some top sellers at Northstar Alarm Company.

AND it was temporary, only til about october, but they were willing to work wit my schedule and the money wasn't HORRIBLE...I could do it and so I began training not last wednesday but he wednesday before. And then something funny/awesome happened. I got a phone call for Ancestry.com last monday, the day I was SUPPOSED to be using to go up to salt lake and get my burglary alarm license. Ancestry wanted me to come in for an interview that day, like an hour and a half later. I texted my friend Bonnie, who works there, and told her to give Sally, the girl I was interviewing with, a good word for me. I had already interviewed with her at least once, possibly twice, back in Jan and october.

Anyway, I interviewed. I thought it went well. And not 2 hours later I got a phone call telling me

I GOT THE JOB

Finally...something I can enjoy doing...something where i feel like I'm worthwhile doing it. Something that fulfills me. I work my 4th day tomorrow and I'm loving it so far. It's an awesome company to work for! AUGH...so excited.

Personal Life-

So I've been chatting with my bishop lately. I went to him...oh gosh...probably almost 3 weeks ago? Anyhow, I had had this nagging feeling that I needed to attend my boundary ward, student or family, for the last few months or so. We talked and he agreed I should check it out at least and decide what I needed to do. And he said some other wonderful things that i REALLY needed to hear. And the next week, two sundays ago, I went to my boundary student ward. Not only was my provo ward's sacrament amazing, it happened to be fast sunday at the new ward and I felt so welcome and...at home. And i knew that this was where I needed to be.

And then I got a slight kick in the stomach during sunday school. You see...the ward's new age limits are 18-30...and they are going to be very strict about the upper age limit. I guess they hadn't before and there are about 20+ ward members who are over 30. And they told us that we had til september 1 to find a ward to attend and that we were welcome to attend up until then.

and you know what? I was ok with that. This gives me a chance to have a fun summer with people who live close to me...who will actually call me and come do things with me...at MY HOUSE...which is what I've been missing all year. There. I said it. I hate having to constantly solicit wanting to hang out with people who are supposed to be my friends...who are supposed to want to hang out with me but, for whatever reason, don't. I'm far to convenient to NOT invite, apparently, or if I am invited, it's because i can bring over an extra rockband guitar. Yeah...I'm a mite bitter.

Don't get me wrong...I love my friends. They are my support group. But, as someone so succently pointed out to me, things change. I don't have the same group of friends now that I had 5 years ago...my life is different. And...I guess it's time for a change. I'll still see everyone; but I doubt they'll be calling me anytime soon especially now that I'm not in the ward. And I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing yet; ask me in 6 months.

anyway...I know where I am supposed to be. And come september 1? I have been wanting to attend a family ward in the hopes that I could get a chance to work with the Youth...either as a sunday school teacher or as a Young Women's leader. This is also something I have been feeling very strongly I should look into. And I am really excited about the possibility. =)

I have also been slightly obsessed with American idol. And I just started watching a new show on AMC called "the Killing" which is SUPER up my alley. It's been awesome so far. I'm only on the 4th episode and I believe the 6th runs this Sunday...I've yet to find anything as addictive as 24, though, and I really miss it. lol

Anyway, that basically sums up my month. I am so grateful for this new opportunity. I am so excited for things to come. I feel like this will be a really fun summer.

Provo Girls

2011-04-11T01:41:00.001-06:00

so...I've been thinking a lot, lately, about dating trends and such things. I was talking with a friend the other night. Now, Ladies who are single: Tell me you wouldn't want to date a guy who has a stable job, makes a real wage, and who's idea of a "Date" is dinner at a nice restaurant and a local play. Yes, kind of pricey, but he can afford it and he was brought up to treat women this way; this, to him, is how girls should always be treated. He opens doors and doesn't ask girls out via text message. He's a great guy, charismatic, nice-looking and is about 26. What girl WOULDN'T want to be treated like this or go on a date with a guy like this?

Would it surprise you to hear that treating girls like this doesn't get him past the first date? This same guy was telling me about an instance with his bishop. He took him and a few other guys in the ward into Relief Society and asked the ladies why they thought these guys couldn't find dates. Not for a lack of asking, mind you...but no one usually accepts a second date from them. a LOT of those ladies said "well...I feel like I don't really deserve to be treated like that..."

They didn't feel like they deserved to treated like a woman should be treated. And his Bishop was like "ok...we're gonna need to discuss this because all girls deserve to be treated with the highest degree of respect."

Now, I'm not saying the amount of money a guy spends on a date is the sole determining factor; not all guys are in the same position of my friend. And I don't do a lot of dating in Provo, never have, so I'm not completely up on dating trends, but from what I can gather, girls don't have high expectations these days. They end up with Good-looking DB's who have everything they think he needs to have: nice car, great clothes, good looks, nice body...and then they're shocked and awed when said Guy Who Has It All treats her like crap. All they while, they pass over a really nice guy, one who may not have a flipped collar and a faux hawk hairdo, but who was raised how to treat a woman with respect, opening her door, and making sure her she feels pretty and loved.

I caught an episode of "the Real World" (don't lecture me...I know these people are caricatures and are made for television, to get their 15 minutes of fame, but hear me out) In it, a series of events escalated and caused a pretty girl to not only admit that she had been punched before by a guy but that it WAS OK BECAUSE SHE ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN.

Are women today so hell-bent on fitting into what society feels is the "norm" that they have forgotten how they DESERVE to be TREATED? Not only by men, but how they should treat THEMSELVES? It seems like women are so...attacked and targeted on every side. Television is riddled with trashy women flaunting their trashiness because that's how they think they are expected to act.

Now what does all this have to do with Provo? no, they're not on some reality show flaunting their goods. But it all begets a vicious cycle that the Nice Guys are caught up in. Nice guys don't ask girls out because they get rejected...and girls reject the good ones because they don't feel they are worthy of being treated well but say yes to the douche bags thinking that is supposed to be the norm...so the Nice Guys get low-self esteem from being rejected all the time while the girls get lower and lower self-esteem from being treated like crap by the DB guys they say yes to. And the cycle continues...

Am I the only one who sees this happening to the Nice Guys that I know? Am I the only one who sees this happening ESPECIALLY here in good Ole Utah County, the home of the Starving College Student Date.

Don't ask me...I'm the Fat "Old" chick who doesn't get asked out by anyone...right now, anyway. When I DO get asked out, I will definitely know how I am supposed to be treated. That's for damn sure.

It isn't easy being a Latter-Day Saint,

2011-04-03T01:32:00.001-06:00

But in the long run, it's the ONLY course.

-Elder Boyd K. Packer

I loved this quote from conference.

However, my favorite talk was given by Elder Kent F. Richards. He spoke of pain, knowing a lot about it since he's a surgeon. I loved how he likened the necessity of pain in the physical process of healing our body after an injury to the spiritual pain we must endure during the repentance process.

Since I am currently working through some things right now and trying to get back on track, being in "spiritual pain" is possibly the best way I can describe how I've felt the past few months. My spirit is healing from the the injuries I inflicted upon it. And it's nice to have a way to describe what I've been going through. It's been so hard and it's affected every aspect of my life. I think I've been expecting to bounce back pretty easy like I have in the past when I've had to go through this sort of thing and then I realized today that there is one big difference: I'm more accountable now because of the covenants that I have made. Duh. That means I need to work a lot harder.

I loved how he talked of a child's natural ability to bounce back from physical pain.And he points out the best way to overcome SPIRITUAL pain: be like a child. Aren't we told we need to become as a little child? Be "...meek, submissive, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." This is the answer to how I have been feeling. THIS is what I need to be doing to get through this...to bounce back...

My favorite part of the talk is when he talked of the young girl who came out of surgery and talked about all the people, deceased relatives, that she saw in her room, helping her. And how she said all the children on the floor have angels ministering to them. I NEED that so badly; I WANT my angels with me. I want to feel my father's presence...my mother...and the rest of those that I have lost and become close to by doing their temple work. I need to become like a child in order to be worthy of that blessing. I loved this part of the talk.

I received a phone call during work the other day. My father, because he was a Vietnam vet, was entitled to a special Military Headstone to be placed at his grave. The trick is...we have a private, family cemetery that is located in the middle of a field, 5 miles from the nearest town, on a dirt road. And it's hard to find if you don't know where you're going. The phone call was from the Commanche veterans society...they are the ones who physically place the markers on the graves. He needed directions to the cemetery but I didn't know how to direct him there. I called my Uncle Orrin and got directions and called the guy back. Luckily, he is familiar with the area. When he sent me a text thanking me for my help and letting me know it was done, I was sitting at my desk on the phone at work and i felt my father. I felt his presence with me...just for a moment. and I cried a little.

I want to be worthy of more experiences like that, tender mercies that help me get through daily life. And now, because of this talk, I know how.

I am so thankful to have this gospel in my life. I love my life, the good and the bad. I love being able to see the hand of the Lord in the blessings and trials that I experience. It's a hard life but I'm ok with it; the harder it is the stronger I become. And I want to be a good example, I want to be an instrument in the hands of God. I know that I have that in me. And I'm working on getting it back.

I'm excited for tomorrow and the rest of conference. And I hope it hits me as hard as Elder Richards' talk did today.

You heard it here first...

2011-04-02T17:18:00.000-06:00

So...as I've mentioned before...I'm hopelessly addicted to American Idol this year..And I thought I would offer my predictions so just remember: You heard it here first!

The thing with this particular season, and I have no frame of reference for other seasons, is that there are very FEW commercially-acceptable voices...all are talented, but most are far too genre-specific to really have a shot at winning the competition.

OK...So...starting with this week's 9:

Paul...he's pretty. But his voice BUGS...reminds me of the kind of music (DMB, John Mayer, Jack Johnson) that I CAN NOT STAND. Can't wait for him to be kicked off. He WILL release a record. People WILL buy it. He won't, however make it much further...he's too unique.

Hailey...Similar as paul, though I have actually enjoyed her last few performances which I didn't think I would ever say. I can't ever understand a WORD she slurs when she sings so that bugs...She also probably won't make it much longer. I give her 2 weeks. She's too unique (voice) to be snatched up by Disney so she'll probably release some indy label record...

Jacob...Gospel Execs, ie anyone with the last name of Wynans, are DROOLING over this kid...chomping at the bit to be the first to offer him a recording contract. He's shown more commercial appeal the last few weeks, but He is a GOSPEL SINGER, nothing more. His voice is fantastic...he needs to learn to control his emotions to be successful commercially like American Idols need to in order to win the competition...

Scottee...Two words: COUNTRY SINGER. Pure and simple. Super talented. Nashville is counting down the days until he gets kicked off and they can offer him a recording contract. This kid will be all over country radio and will probably be super successful with the right producers.

Stefano...I LOVE HIM. He is soooo dang cute. And I LOOOOVE the Cougar Crush that Jlo has on him. lol. He is super talented but I don't think he'll win. He probably has a few weeks left on the show. Like Thia, who THANK YOU JESUS got kicked off this week, Stefano will be on the Disney channel in the next 6-12 months...Mark my words. They both have DISNEY written all over them and the Execs at the Mouse are probably cooking up some Hanna Montana-like sitcom for each of them to head. Thing is, he is talented enough to actually break loose eventually after he does his time on the channel known for it's horrendous acting.

Now for my TOP 4:

Casey...He was getting WAAAAY too full of himself for his own good. I like him, but he seemed to think he could do just about anything and America would STILL love him, no matter how it sounded...well, he was wrong. And the Judges Saving him will probably advance him to the final 4. If he continues to STAY humble and sing like he sang during Elton John week, he will do well. I predict he probably won't make it further than top 4, but he will probably be on the radio in the next 9 months or so.

Lauren...I FREAKING love her...she is soo dang cute and her voice is awesome. She's far too talented to end up on the disney channel, though I am sure they will fight for her, I don't think she will win, but she WILL get a recording contract and she WILL be successful. I love everything about her. Unless James or Pia start going super downhill, She'll prob be eliminated at final 3. Love her though.

Pia...Pia Toscano...her name might SOUND like the new dish at Olive Garden, but the pipes on this woman are amazing. She ...could possibly win it. It all depends on if she can perform some kick ass up beat, dance-floor, beyonce-esque songs in the next few weeks. She has the VOICE...but still needs to learn to have the stage presence that it takes to command the stage. IF she learns all this by the night of the finale and excels at it, she will be hard to beat. Very hard.

James. James James James...I love this man-child. I love his story, I love his voice, I love his look (though I am growing rather weary of the faux-hawk...) He has it all...and HAS had it all this entire time. THE Whole time. He gets better and better. When I heard they were doing Elton John I was like "The ONLY song he needs to sing is SATURDAY!" and then he DID! And it was awesome...he does need to watch it, though, and not get the Casey Abrams-Syndrome of thinking he do no wrong...That, I think, would be his only downfall...otherwise, I really see him winning the whole thing. Regardless, if I AM wrong? He will record many albums...and I will probably purchase each one. =)

And you heard it here first.

Well, Play on then...

2011-03-31T17:12:00.000-06:00

Sooo....

I GOT THE PART! I get to play "Motormouth Maybelle" in Hairspray!

and bonus:

I get to play Miss Prism in "The Importance of Being Earnest"

And we rehearse at the same time...lol...be careful what you wish for?? Regardless, I'm stoked. like, beyond stoked. Pretty much ridiculously excited.

Not only for being in a show but also for being able to play characters that will test and stretch me as an actress. I know I can do it and I'm excited to prove that to myself.

However, due to money issues, ie not having any, and rehearsals until July, I don't foresee being able to go to Acting Class anytime in the near future. *CRIES* Maybe I can swing it....

Regardless, I am SOOOOO excited to not have a social life...at least this time it will be for reasons other than I-am-lame-and-my-friends-don't-wanna-hang-out-anymore! =P

Big, Blonde and Beautiful

2011-03-23T04:30:00.001-06:00

AHEM...

So I went and saw my friend Kat in "Hairspray" in Midvale in January. She was AMAZING as Tracy, couldn't take my eyes off of her. And I will admit: I kind of don't like the show. I think the new movie hype annoyed me far too much. That being said, I THOROUGHLY enjoyed watching Kat's production and had an awesome time.

Anywho, the woman who played "Motormouth Maybelle" in the production I saw was....white. lol. And she was awesome. And I realized: I CAN TOTALLY PLAY THAT PART! The songs are PERFECT for my voice. Yes, I know I'm not black, but...HELLO...I live in UT. And unless the theater name has the word "Hale" in it, a lot of the smaller community theaters don't get a lot of...how do I say this...DIVERSITY out to their auditions.

And so...since a friend of mine is directing Hairspray at Spanish Fork Community Theater in July, I told him I wanted to audition. FOR Motormouth. And I did; last week.

AHEM...

I got a callback. FOR Motormouth.

Wish me luck! And come see me if I make it. =D

Livin On a Prayer

2011-03-23T04:11:00.000-06:00

I can die happy now...I have officially seen Bon Jovi in concert for the first time...and let me tell you...I don't care how old he is or how old YOU are, this man has by far one of the sexiest smiles I have EVER been mesmerized by. *SIGH*

And NOTHING beats hearing him sing your favorite tunes (IE Living on a Prayer, Blaze of Glory, and Born to Be My Baby) LIVE, just for you...and thousands of others...lol. Yes, my friends, I am currently in a Bon Jovi coma, "butt-rock" and all (lol...thank you Rob...) and probably going to have several Bon Jovi songs "soundtracking" my dreams tonight. MMM...Freaking LOVE this band. How do I only own 2 of their albums? this MUST be rectified ASAP.

On a side note, I realized tonight just how much I love concerts. Good seats or cheapies, doesn't matter to me. As long as I'm there, I don't care! I've gotten to see Linkin Park and Bon Jovi so far and will be seeing Def Leppard/Heart in August...and HOPEFULLY NKOTBSB (lol) sometime this summer as well. Now if Evanescence and Martina McBride will tour, my concert bucket list will be complete. =D

OOOOOOOHHHHHHH.....We're halfway there....Whoooooooooa-ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh! Livin on a Prayer!!!

Fat-Bottomed Girls

2011-03-16T00:38:00.000-06:00

so...yeah....

I've been thinking a lot about weight lately, on both ends of the spectrum. Currently, I'm in a weight loss contest with my friend katie Duh. I'm hoping to lose about 40lbs by June. My current measurements, well when we started in Jan, were 47-38-47. Currently, thanks to 2 weeks of p90x, they are 46-36-44. My end goal? Christina Hendricks' measurements (or as close as I can get to them) of 39-30-39. =D Yeah, I know...she's FREAKING HOT...now you know why I'd like her body and hey..I'm just under 10 inches off...so a ways to go but not unattainable.

I've been watching a few shows lately that have been rather...inspirational? Scary? Something.

The first one, "Too Fat For 15" is on the Style network and is in it's 2nd season. I caught most of the first season and can't stop thinking about those kids. They are CHILDREN, TEENAGERS...most of which weigh over 250lbs. The think that gets me the most is the caption at the beginning that plays during the opening credits. It says "The first generation of kids who might not outlive their parents.." And it's true.

My favorite part about the show? This awesome Girl:
Her Name is Tenisha. She was 17 at the beginning of the show, which takes place at a weightloss boarding school called Wellspring, and she was their largest student ever, weighing in at 510lbs. See that smile? She is NEVER without it and I LOVE that. She has lost almost 200lbs and is back for a second season and I think she is an inspiration. She has the most sunny disposition and positive attitude, despite having unsupportive parents. I love her laugh, her squeal every time she loses weight at the weekly weigh-in and I just love watching her. The show is sobering and very eye-opening.

My new obsession is the new A&E show called "Heavy". There is no prize money or fancy trainers, voting, host, etc...it's simply profiles 2 extremely obese individuals every week who have 6 months to save their own lives. They are given trainers and a nutrition program and it chronicles their fight to get their lives back. Despite the fact that I REALLY wish a friend of mine would go on this show, and I can't help thinking that every time I watch it, It fascinates me for several reasons. Yes, all of these people have awful eating habits. HOWEVER, it REALLY illustrates the correlation between weight and emotional issues. Emotional issues are at the heart of almost all of these people's weight issues (ie abuse, death of loved ones, bullying, etc...) and proves that all obese people aren't simply just lazy and gluttonous. There are a MULTITUDE of reasons that people allow themselves to get that big.

I tell you one thing: I will NOT be one of them.

I auditioned for the weightloss show "The Biggest Loser" in Salt Lake on saturday. I didn't get a callback and I'm sure it was for a multitude of reasons. (lol..I'm hoping one of those reasons is because I'm not "big" enough...heh heh...) and it was an interesting experience. I know that no matter what, show or not, I will lose this weight for one reason and one reason only :

I REFUSE TO BE A STATISTIC.

Did you know that both of my parents died of massive heart attacks as a result from obesity? Did you know that American Indians are 40% more likely to be obese than white people? Did you know that Half of ALL American Indian women are obese?

I REFUSE TO BE A STATISTIC.

No matter how long it takes, I will lose this weight and stop "weighting" to live my life.

Who wanted my Pineapple Curry Recipe?

2011-03-12T02:47:00.000-07:00

I can't remember who all wanted this so here it is...I just typed it up as a comment on a friend's blog so I thought i would paste it on here. It's Thai-style curry and freaking amazing. =)

Thai Pineapple Curry

3-4 cans coconut milk
1lb of chicken, cut into small pieces
1 red and 1 green bell pepper, cut in stir-fry-like slices
1 small red onion, cut into chunky rings (cut rings in half)
1-2 TBSP of Green Thai Curry paste
Juice from 3 fresh Limes
1 bunch of cilantro
1 tbsp minced Garlic
1 tbsp FRESH grated ginger
1 fresh pineapple, cubed, or one large can of pineapple chunks
OPTIONAL:
small can bamboo shoots
1 TBSP minced fresh lemongrass

Combine one can of coconut milk and start with 1/2 TBSP of curry paste. When paste is dissolved, add 2 more cans of coconut milk. Add more paste in 1/2 Tbsp increments until you get your desired spice (I had some paste that only needed a couple of TEASPOONS, and some paste that needed several TABLESPOONS so Curry Pastes can vary...)

Add everything else, except cilantro and lime juice, into pot and let simmer for up to one hour. 15 minutes before serving, add lime juice and cilantro. Also, add lots of Salt and Pepper to taste and serve over cooked JASMINE or BASMATI rice for best flavor. =D

A Frybread Riot...

2011-03-06T15:38:00.000-07:00

So...I got a phone call a few days ago asking if I would make frybread for the Ward's Break the fast on Sunday. I had already made frybread for a taco thing for the opening social back in January, so I was game. My friend Jayme dropped off the ingredients to make the dough on thursday or friday and they say on my kitchen table. I thought it wasn't until around 3p or 4p on sunday so I figured I could got to church, come home at noon and have a couple of hours to make the dough. Easy, right???

Well, She comes up to me right before relief society, the last hour of church, and is like "UH...I guess it's gonna be at 1p...do we still have time to make it?" I'm like "Crap...well, guess I'm skipping RS and going home to make dough!" lol...and that's what I did...Went home, made dough, covered it with a warm, damp tea towel and threw my cast iron skillets, tubs of crisco, and the dough in my car and fled to provo and Jayme's apartment.

About 10min til 1, as we're flippin and flappin, we get asked how much longer...I still had enough dough for at LEAST 20 pieces. I'm like "Don't worry...we're coming!" and, at that point, no one was even there yet.

Then, Eric comes over and is like..."Uh...how much longer? People are starting to gather..." I'm like "10 minutes...pray really long and get everything organized...we're coming!" We finally finish and Eric comes back. He had already sent me a text saying there was about 50 people there! LOL...holy crap...then he comes back and helps us carry the tub of frybread (A clear plastic storage container that we lined with foil...lol) to the place and more people had shown up.

And I knew we didn't have more than about 50 pieces so, giggling to myself thinking about that scene in "Smoke Signals", I tell Eric and Jayme about this scene in Smoke Signals and I say "Let's just tear them in half!" HAHAHAHA!

here it is so you know what I'm talking about:

And here's my reinactment:

Heeheeheehee...if you look closely, you can see that those are actually HALVED PIECES OF FRYBREAD!!! And yes...we fed about 100 people on about 50 frybreads...HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

This experience just may have made my year. =D

He WILL Carry Me, Pt 2

2011-03-06T02:47:00.000-07:00

In light of my depressing last blog, the song that came on after I published it is one of my favorites. It's by a guy named Mark Schultz. It's called "He Will Carry ME". Read the lyrics. I have my answer.

I call, You hear me
I’ve lost it all
And it’s more than I can bear
I feel so empty

You’re strong
I’m weary
I’m holdin’ on
But I feel like givin’ in
But still You’re with me

chorus:
And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

I know I’m broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You’re always with me

And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I’ve never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you’d see me through
The storm

It Was Nothing At All

2011-03-06T02:28:00.000-07:00

I should be preparing my sunday school lesson but I'm blogging. I tried doing yoga but my possessed TV and the mood I'm in isn't letting me clear my mind. I am in a rut, as I stated before. A slump. Whatever you wanna call it, I'm not feeling like myself.

I have a lot of things that I'm trying not to worry about. I've had a hard time trying to find a better job. I'm not sure if it's because the right one hasn't come to me yet or if, because of the choices I've been making lately, i'm not "worthy" of a better option, or what. OR...if I'm supposed to move. Leave. I must say that it's an appealing option; but I know that my problems/worries/concerns won't go away if I leave.

And so I sit here, pondering why I feel the way I do. And listening to my "Yoga" playlist, which happens to be 4 hours long and full of awesome music that doesn't pump me up like my "p90x" or "Running" playlists do. =)

Anyway, I feel like life is passing me by; like the farther away it gets, the more unreachable it becomes.

I WANT a better job.

I WANT to be able to pay off some debt.

I WANT to finish school and be able to do something, ANYTHING, that I LOVE.

I WANT to be fulfilled.

When we were in California, which I WILL blog about, I promise, my friend made a comment, kind of in a joking way. I said something about school and finishing and he remarked, well, snorted to be exact, "Like that's ever gonna happen..." To which I replied "you know what? it will...but thank you EVER SO MUCH for being so confident in me" And then he back pedaled and added "I mean it WILL happen..." And you know what? It really hurt me. It hurt to know that this person I happen to care a lot about doesn't believe that I will ever finish school. He apologized later for hurting my feelings with the comment but it doesn't help the fact that I know that he honestly believes that about me.

And I'm sure he's not the only one.

I'm just so TIRED...I'm trying so hard to be patient. for a LOT of things. I'm trying to submit my will to His...and not just to what i HOPE is His will, but honestly and truly HIS WILL. And I feel like I've been at a point in my life where I can honestly do that since I got fired from Sunflower last year. I've been unemployed, had a crappy job, unemployed again, had two crappy jobs and now, back down to one crappy job that I could HAPPILY LEAVE AT ANY POINT and...nothing.

Here I sit,

crying as I type this pathetic blog,
listening to Fleetwood Mac,
procrastinating my lesson because, on some level, I don't know if I'm "worthy" to teach it,
working 22 hours a week at a mindless phone job (though, thankfully, it's far more palatable than Sonic EVER was...),
slowly drowning in things that need to be paid,
feeling sorry for myself,
wondering if I'm tired of my friends of if they're secretly tired of being around me and THAT'S why no one ever wants to hang out with me,
trying to come to terms with the fact that I don't know anyone in my ward and, frankly, don't really WANT to get to know anyone I don't already know because they're a good decade younger than me and in a COMPLETELY different place in life,
trying not to think about how much weight I am trying to lose
afraid to visit home for fear of having to stay there. (My sister recently lost her job...and it's probably not going to given back to her like in the past when this has happened...it's the only job she's had since my dad died...)
trying not to be discouraged that, despite constantly auditioning, I NEVER GET CAST IN ANYTHING in ANY OTHER THEATER in this VALLEY...NOTHING...
hating that I just want things to be "like they used to", whatever that means,
desperately WISHING that I could be teaching this history class at UVU all the time, for real, and not just helping out a friend by team teaching it,
reading over this blog and trying not to be depressed about what I've written and how painfully true it is...

Yes...these are a few of the reasons I haven't written much in the last few months. THIS is what's really been on my mind. It's not pretty. I know that. But, this is me. Right now, anyway, and I don't know how to change my situation. I am in desperate need of guidance...advice...a friend...someone who will listen and let me cry and help me figure out why I feel the way I do and try to cheer me up. I feel like everyone I always talk to doesn't like being around me anymore. I know, it's silly to think that about some of my best friends, but I can count on one hand the number of times I've hung out with some of those people in the last few months that WEREN'T for a birthday.

I guess things are just changing, people are changing and progressing and I'm not one of them and I'm being left behind and I don't know how to handle it.

All I know is I DESPERATELY want to be one of those people that I see moving forward all around me. And I will be. I have to be.

2011-03-05T20:03:00.001-07:00

2 specifically are really getting on my nerves & I'm not quite sure why. One has been annoying me lately & the other I just have no desire to be around. Over it

2011-03-05T19:56:00.001-07:00

Grr...this could get annoying...anywho on to what's on my mind: Rut. I feel like I'm in one. With regards to my friends. I know, right? A sign I should move????

2011-03-05T19:52:00.003-07:00

Ple texts equal multiple posts?

2011-03-05T19:52:00.001-07:00

So...here I am bloggin from my phone...since I'm limited to 160 characters in a text, it will feel more like tweeting so...we'll see...question is: will multi-

2011-03-05T19:43:00.001-07:00

Testing mobile blog...test test test

Waiting for the End...

2011-03-04T02:22:00.002-07:00

Um...*SIGH*

My favorite birthday fairy gave me Linkin Park tickets for my birfday and I went to the concert on Sat with my old Roomie Mary...

*SIGH*

I am STILL in Linkin Park Heaven...can't get enough of their music!

That is all...

American Idol...

2011-03-04T01:17:00.004-07:00

So, after successfully avoiding it for 9 years, I have become addicted, to my own annoyance, to American Idol this year. I started watching it from the last city auditions, so the san fransisco auditions. Grr....and I have my faves. they are as follows...

I like more guys than girls and James is my favorite...
Seriously the kid has amazing pipes/range and he LOVES rock, which pretty much guarantees I'll purchase his album...

Absolutely LOOOOOVE this kid...he's so cute!Stefano...love him. Awesome voice.

This guy, Jacob, his voice is AMAZING...seriously...not my style of music, but still...
Don't believe me? watch his version of "God Bless the Child"...seriously

And THIS guy, Casey...is SUPER talented. Love his voice.

I'm kind of a sucker for a bass, and this kid, Scotty, is awesome.
As for chicks, I don't like most of em...in fact, most of em annoy the hell out of me, especially the latina chick and the asian chick...REALLY annoyed they are still in but hopefully, they get eliminated quickly.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Pia...she is super hot and has amazing pipes.

I Also LOVE Lauren...she totally has that Carrie Underwood/Kelly Clarkson vibe...love her
Aside from the fact that Jlo is using this as a vehicle to kickstart her career (I mean come on...have you SEEN how many products she's hawking these days? Add to that the DEBUT of her new video on the show last night...fuhgeddaboutit! Her publicist deserves a raise for cooking this up...), I like the judges and I tend to agree with Randy on pretty much everything...lol

anyway...I hope James, Stefano, Casey, Pia or Lauren win it and i guess they are my top five. LOL

Hard Habit to Break....

2011-02-25T02:12:00.004-07:00

So I have a confession to make. Sort of.

I have...be rather quiet lately on this thing. I know, it's so unlike me.

I think part of the reason is because I have fallen back into an old "habit" (I use that term loosely). I'm not sure why it has become a temptation again when I've done so well these last 3.5 years, but the month of january was...a busy one. And...and I can't bring myself to admit how disappointed I am in myself about it all. I've discussed this with a few friends and some of them know while others don't. And I don't plan on continuing said "habit" any longer, but...*SIGH*

I think I just get tired. I'm tired of being patient. Sometimes...well, I thought I had better will power, but I guess I don't. I keep telling myself that it really isn't worth it, and I know that it isn't. It's not. And it's not like I'm a 10, on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worst thing I could do...I'm more like a...5? 6? Not the worst thing, but not exactly something that should be a "habit".

*SIGH*

Thus begins the process to get back to where I was. And figure out how this happened in the first place. I know that I'm being distracted because something amazing is around the corner. I feel like, because of the choices I've made lately, that I'm in "Limbo" so to speak...things that "could be" are on "hold" I guess. And maybe that's all in my head, but that's just what my gut tells me. So it's all the more important that I get back to where I was and continue on.

I've been wanting to blog about this for a while now. Thanks for listening without judgment. I appreciate it, especially the no judgment part. =)

What it's all about...

2011-02-25T01:40:00.003-07:00

So...today was my birthday. I'm officially 32. What did I get, you ask? Why don't I just show you...

So...these are from Eric, who works at a flower shop. Apparently, he went to the lady who designs the arrangements and said he wanted something "Native American Themed" lol...there are feathers in it...and then Christian tagged me, and Arden and Loren, all Natives, and told them he tagged them because it's supposed to be Native American. Both responded with "Looks like it to me" or something similar and Christian then said "Well done...It's Native American approved..." LOL! I Heart Eric and Christian...mind you, not a lot can top him serenading me with Travis my FAVORITE SONG EVER at last year's birthday dinner, but...I am quite a sucker for flowers (I know...I'm terribly romantic and girly like that...lol) so I was totally happy with them and I can smell them as I type this. MMM..I heart flowers...

This is similar to a starving student card with a lot of coupons and such for things in the area. Awesome! I love this kind of stuff...a friend gave it to me in a birthday card....

LOL...so...this friend purchased this game because I thought it was a lot of fun. We don't actually play it much so he "gave" it me since he knows I like it...=) I'm completely ok with this!

a couple friends surprised me with these beautiful journal/books....so pretty. Makes me want to write in a journal again. I pretty much haven't physically "written" since I started blogging...

Now this? Well...it so happens to be the the thing I look forward to the MOST on my birthday: Rob's Bag o Crap! This year, he pulled out all of the stops. From left to right: A COVER to a book, though said book was not in the bag, The Simpsons Movie, A Jim Gaffigan poster from the U, some Fiber packets...guess I need to be more "regular" lol, a coupon for a buy one get one free item AT THE PLACE I WORK AT...lol!, some bubble wrap (which I promptly used), a dollar bill and.....

This lil guy...my own HOMIE! He comes with his own cooler which he

Sits on...=D Freaking love that man...he's so awesome. He believes you can't come to a birthday party/celebration empty-handed and I love that about him...=D

My Friend Bonnie gave me a Risk game, which I'm excited about because I've never actually played it!

And another friend, my "Birthday Fairy", ever so generously heard my pleas on Facebook about wanting to attend the Linkin Park concert tomorrow night (because the happen to be my FAVE band...tied along with evanescence and fallout boy!) and bought me 2 tickets to the show. She stipulated wanting no part in the matter, ie didn't want to go, so I get to invite someone. AUGH!!!! I'M SOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!! I've never seen them in concert and I can't wait!
(This same birthday fairy teamed up with another fairy and bought me "Third Watch" season 2 last year, which I absolutely LOVED...)

Here's the funny thing: My friends and I actually have a tradition of just going out to dinner for our birthdays, not really expecting any sort of gift. Merely being in one another's company is more than enough. And really, as much as I LOVE getting gifts, I would have been on cloud nine just getting to play rockband with my friends like I did tonight. But...I am super excited for what I got and really hope I get to spoil some of them on their birthdays.

I just love birthdays. It's the one day of the year you get to be selfish and do whatever you want. And today I got to do just that.

I am so blessed. I know I say that a lot but I am. I have the best friends. They let me freak out about my party and support me in whatever I chose to do. They let me feel sorry for myself and know just how to cheer me up. They let me be me and love me for it. My phone was dinging all day long everytime someone wrote on my wall and wished me happy birthday. Lame, I know, but I loved that. And I got lots of text messages. And that darn Agamemnon (Sondra's baby who's due any day now) did NOT make an appearance on my birthday. (Amber, who's birthday is the day after mine, were joking about who's birthday he'd be born on...lol) But I LOVED everything about today and know that I can always count on having a great birthday as long as I have my awesome friends and family.

And THAT'S what it's all about...

musings pt 1: Reality Television

2011-02-11T22:09:00.003-07:00

I hated, about 5 years ago, when Reality TV took over and a LOT of my favorite tv shows, American Dreams, Crossing Jordan, Third watch, all suffered. It's cheap and people just want to see what others will do for a camera.

Now, I feel like it's soooooooooo ridiculous. Yet, I find myself helplessly ~~addicted~~ mesmerized by silly things such as "Jerseylicious", "RW/RR Challenges", etc. And intrigued/horrified by things like "Heavy". And finally giving into trendy things like "Dancing With the Stars" and "American Idol".

Because of the cheap nature of these shows and how quick it is to produce something on a budget, I feel like REAL television, GOOD television, like "24", is rapidly on the decline. Comedies are slowly dying. It makes me sad. Some of my favorite memories of my family is watching tv together and laughing and ridiculous stuff like "married with Children", the "Simpsons", "Friends" and "the Nanny", just to name a few. I feel like I won't be able to have tose kindof memories with my kids with the way television shows are headed. Oh well, it's probably for the better.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I think I just saw an "America's Next Top Model" marathon somewhere...

confessions

2011-02-11T21:49:00.002-07:00

hmm...not sure if I really wanna write this...lol

so...January has been a...busy month....

Went from being unemployed to having two jobs.

Broke a "dry spell" of 3.5 years...5 times...lol

bought tickets to my first broadway show as an adult...granted it's a tour that stops in LA but still...I get to see ROCK OF AGES!!!!!

I've come to count on a REALLY good gossip/giggle fest with ms Katie Duh at LEAST once a week.

started a new eating lifestyle...hopefully it takes...going fairly well so far. Ask me more in 6 months. lol.

decided, once and for all, that I want to teach. History and Drama.

Realized how much I LOVE where I live.

Realize, like Katie, I don't have the same relationship with some of my good friends that I did a few years ago. In some cases, it's a good thing. In other cases? The jury's still out on that one. They're still my friends, which is what really counts right? I just...miss doing things with certain people, I guess. But...people change and you don't always change together.

THOROUGHLY enjoyed visiting Oregon/Washington and looking forward to being in LA next week. I think I was born to be a west coaster...

Attended my first acting class in almost 3 years and I still got it...and I think I really impressed the teacher, which is awesome since he happens to be an independent film maker.

Realized I DEFINITELY am more productive when i'm busy. lol

Met a Tony winner and had a blast.

Experienced Sundance for the first time and didn't watch a single film. LOL.

that's all for now I suppose.

Feeling what? FEELING GOOOOOOOOD.....

2011-01-18T19:36:00.004-07:00

New Year part 2:

So to finish the resolution post I started, Here are the other 3 categories...

ACTING/HOBBIES:

Definition of a 10: Feeling confident for every audition I do. Adding a minimum of 5 roles to my resume on a yearly basis. Taking classes again for me, not just learning by directing and what not. Making new Sewing projects on a monthly basis. Being able to FEEL like my sewing skills are worthy of pay, good pay.

Current Rating: 7
Definition: Haven't taken a class in over 2 years and preparing for this last audition, it shows! I'm just not used to being on film anymore and that's not good. I sew rarely these days, it seems, or when I am doing a show and need costumes. I need to make more things like finish my bedspread and make some matching curtains/pillowcases, etc. I have some fabric I have been DYING to make a dress or a skirt from and I need to just do it.

Steps to Get to the Next Level: Stop talking about taking classes and just take one. Make small goals on a monthly basis for sewing. Be more proactive with auditions. Don't audition until I've filmed it multiple times on camera so that I am more in control. Audition as often as I possibly can, for both theater and film...

FINANCIAL (SPENDING $$$):

Definition of a 10: Being able to continuously save money no matter how much I make an hour. I know it's possible, my friend Deedee is a great example. I want to make a budget and stick with it. I want to not have to worry about any phone calls from outstanding debt, not that I have a ton now but, you know...I want to feel confident and secure about my financial situation.

Current Rating: 5 or 4.5
Definition: I am HORRIBLE with money. Not having a an income also affects that, but I was horrible with money before. I constantly live paycheck to paycheck, and not even that far. It's been even harder because I was unemployed for so long last year, i felt like I was playing catch up on bills for the last half of the year. BUT...it's a new year and I can start over and be better.

Steps to Get to the Next Level: I need a job. I also need to start putting 10% of every paycheck into savings. I need to start paying things off slowly, one thing at a time. I need to budget my tax return and figure out the best way to pay things off with it.

PROFESSIONAL (EARNING $$$):

Definition of a 10: Doing a job I love. Working 8-5 everyday, except saturdays and sundays. NOt having to work nights. Receiving benefits. Having health insurance. Basically, feeling like I am an adult.

Current Rating: 4
Definition: Um..unemployed. Contemplating working yet another dead-end, temporary job. BUT...money is money, right? I'll do what I have to do.

Steps to Get to the Next Level: send out 10 resumes a day. Never stop hunting for something better. obtain any kind of job that I can be reasonably be happy with so I can start earning money and saving it.

Ugh.....got a long way to go but I have faith I can do it!!!!

and I'm FEEEEEELIN GOOD!

2011-01-12T14:14:00.003-07:00

*SIGH*

Well, I guess it's a new year...and has been for half a month almost! lol

I should probably decide on what I resolve to do? Be? Have? Make? this year?

My old bishop gave me an excise that I never completed that I think I will base my resolutions on. Not sure where he got it but it's really awesome. It is as follows:

Instructions

Look at your life in each category (feel free to add additional spokes if needed) and define what “ideal” would look like. (Perfect 10 on a scale of 1-10).
Rate yourself in each category of where you are now relative to a 10. Define what activities you are doing now that give you the current rating. Circle that rating on the wheel above and connect the scores to see how balanced your current life is.
Identify the steps you would like to take to move yourself to the next level on the scale.

The categories are as follows:

Spiritual
Physical
Mental
Marriage & Family (Close relationships)
Social (Casual Relationships)
Community (Service, etc) I am going to switch this out for Acting/Hobbies
Financial (Spend $$)
Professional (Earn $$)

I guess I'll rate myself and put out here for the world to see...lol...Here goes nothing:

SPIRITUAL:

Definition of a 10: Would love to experience personal revelation, deep meaningful, on a regular basis, regular reading/pondering of scriptures, regular sacred prayer, attending temple at least twice a month, really FEELING the relationship with my Heavenly Father is as good as it can get.

Current Rating: 7
Definition: I don't think I experience a LOT of personal revelation...I know the difference when I am and when I'm not, especially when in the temple. I attend the temple on at least a monthly basis, but would like to go more. I don't regularly read my scriptures, and I certainly don't ponder them. I am being better about regularly praying, but it's not a "sacred" time for me, more of an after thought

Steps to get to the next level: Attend the temple more and make an effort to be extra alert and go for a specific purpose each time. Set a specific time to read scriptures each day and stick to it, no matter what gets in the way. Have a notebook and pen ready to jot down revelation that comes and pray for it to come. Do family history on a regular basis, even if it's "just" indexing. Set aside specific time and place for prayer and focus.

PHYSICAL:

Definition of a 10: To feel completely comfortable in my skin, to love my body and everything about it. Feeling good about everything I eat and having a healthy relationship with food. Being able to run a 10k without a problem regularly. Feeling fit and healthy and being able to merely maintain a healthy weight. Fitting into a size 10/12 comfortably and staying there.

Current Level: 7
Definition: I am healthier than most my weight. I can run for a few miles, without stopping, and get a good workout. I enjoy being active, lifting weights, etc, and don't run from it, but also don't make it a priority in my life. I am currently a size 16, on most days, and my weight is getting crazy. I don't feel good about everything that goes in my mouth; i can definitely make better choices.

Steps to Get to the Next Level: track what I eat regularly. Keep a healthy balance between carbs, fat and protein. Don't starve myself, and don't guilt if i indulge. Make activity a daily part of life, whether it's dancing on the wii or doing P90x or another workout from our On Demand stuff. Cook more at home, save going out for special occasions. Take measurements as well as weight to track more accurate progress.

MENTAL:

Definition of 10: Feeling genuinely happy most of the time. Not letting little things bother me or my neuroses get in the way of my happiness. Developing all of my healthy Yellow, Red and Blue personality traits and keeping the unhealthy ones at bay as much as possible. I want people to enjoy being around me because I make them feel good about themselves with my positivity. Obtain a college degree, whether undegrad or grad.

Current Level: 7
Definition: I can be moody, more so than normal. I don't always have a smile on my face like I used to and want to change that. I obsess over small things or things that others do or don't do and let it get in the way of my mood/happiness. I feel like I have a lot of healthy qualities in all 3 personalities, but can see the unhealthy traits rear their heads on bad days. still 3 classes away from a bachelor's degree...and have been for 3 years.

Steps to the Next Level: Let go of little things. Serve my friends and others around me. Stay positive. Cut back on my tendency to want to hear gossip. Love everything about everyone and surround myself with GOOD people, the BEST people, who make me want to be better in some aspect of life. Read good, uplifting books that make me better. Take steps to get back into school and set a goal to finish. Learn German.

MARRIAGE & FAMILY (CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS):

Definition of 10: Obviously GETTING MARRIED is part of it, but I think for this year's purpose, actively seeking out a dating life of some sort. Focusing on making going out on regular dates a priority, and not just ones with friends so I can "Count" something. Actual, real, dates.

Current Level: 6
Definition: I am super complacent hanging out with my regular guy friends. They are wonderful, but have no interest in dating me and if I spend so much time with them, I have no room for letting new people into my life. I don't put myself in situations where I can meet more people and I should. I spend a lot of time at home or with friends doing a whole lot of nothing. Which, is fun and awesome, but is rapidly getting me no where fast the longer I do it. I can't just sit back and wait for someone to ask me out.

Steps to Get to the Next Level: I need to do more things with different people. I need to go to a different ward, if not permanently, but long enough to meet more people. Working on making myself better and happier will make me more attractive, theoretically, and hopefully I will see a change. I need to limit some of the interactions I have with friends who don't have any interest in dating me. (yes, I am assuming all of them are of the same opinion, and, while I know for a fact that this is the case with a few, I think it's safe to assume it's the case with all of them since we've been friends for how long and no one has said a word? Oh well...side tangent...) I need to focus on just putting myself out there and seeing what options really are around.

Well...that's a lot for now. I will finish the rest in another blog...I think this is a great start. =)

Hello, HIPPIES!

2011-01-04T00:28:00.005-07:00

*SIGH*

Super content right now....

I've been looking forward to this trip for several months...and I have had SOOOO much fun!

I came to Oregon for my friend Kyra's wedding. We met at Coney's several years ago and she wanted me as a bridesmaid and, being that this was the first time I've actually been IN a wedding party as a bridesmaid, of course I said yes!

So...Off to Oregon I go!

The Shoes:

These are SOOOO Kyra...she loves shoes...LOVES them. And these are darling...hard to walk in but darling...

The Venue:

This is the Magic Flute room...well, part of it. And It was gorgeous...Super quaint...the whole building was owned by the Free Masons and so there was all this artwork with mason symbols and stuff in it and just plain on the walls. There were crazy mosaics EVERYWHERE and...yeah, it's hard to describe but suffice it to say it was a really cool place!

Didn't get any pics on my phone of the venue except for some crazy paintings that were on the walls and in the hall...here are a few paintings:

I just thought of tom when I saw this so I took a pic of it...

This one was SUPER creepy....the whites of their eyes are SUPER white and so it looked like those old-fashioned cartoons or something where the eyes would move and follow you at any moment...seriously, creepy!

This was in the ballroom where the ceremony and the reception were held. Seriously whimsical and cool...

Basically, ME:

SO I LOVED my hair and her peacock theme so of course I took TONS of photos of myself and played with them on picnik...and they are as follows:

the hair was super curly and voluminous and 60's and so was my makeup. And LOVED the peacock headband that she MADE for each of us..we were all a little different.

This next one is pretty vampy...and I love it!

took this next one downstairs where there wasn't a lot of light....

this is a close up of my makeup...Kyra brought an extra pair of eyelashes and, given my theme for the day, the makeup artist put them on me. =)

Last but not least, by FAR my favorite picture I took of myself...and it looks even BETTER on after I attacked it on picnik. MMMM....

I think it looks super movie star-glam!

Anyway, kyra's family was amazing. They ARE amazing. I didn't/wasn't allowed to pay for a SINGLE thing the entire trip...seriously! They took care of everything. AND...we got our hair done and makeup done at a salon before the wedding which was awesome not to have to worry about. Instead of flowers, she gave us metallic colored clutches, all different but coordinating. All of us wore peacock feathers in our hair. And our shoes and black opaque tights were matching. We bought our own dresses and wow, we looked amazing!

After the wedding, I told her fam I was gonna visit a Mel & Kip in Vancouver. And they wouldn't hear of my taking a train. No...they let me borrow their Red convertible mustang! LOL...such a fun car to drive. I had a GPS and got there and back with no problems. I arrived at kip and Mel's and we chatted for about an hour and a half then went to bed. Then we got up, chatted some more, went to church, and came home. Had some lunch and then I took off back to Forrest Grove. Short visit, but so good to see them and play with SUPER cute Brady and meet the crazy cats Chloe and Tootsie...Chloe LOVED me and woke me up by licking my face, hair, eyes, etc. LOL...so cute. Loved their house and just had a great time exploring and getting to visit Washington, another state I've never been to!

The rest of sunday was fun and low key. Monday, we went to lunch and then Kyra and I went shopping, then I came back and made Pineapple curry for the boys (Her hubby and two of the groomsmen who were still here) which they loved, and then we lounged the rest of the night. Tues, I'm doing a session at the portland temple, and then doing a little more shopping. I'm borrowing Kyra's car and then driving myself to the airport, leaving the car for her to pick back up when she and her hubby drop off one of the groomsmen a few hours after me.

It's been an amazing trip! So relaxing and so fun. Loved the state, with the exception of the lame speed limits (55mph? REALLY? fetching hippies...) and would seriously love to move here. Someday. Maybe. =) Will DEFINITELY visit again.

More later on the wedding itself and my thoughts on that and other stuff...need...sleep....

600 posts!!!!

2010-12-30T12:29:00.003-07:00

holy cow!

I've been sorta quiet this month...it's been an interesting and amazing month.

probably the best news was what happened December 9th. I went to the temple with Tom, Dave, Eric, my roommate Kim and Bro & Sis Hymas and we did some family sealings. I stood in for my mom and Eric stood in for my dad and they were sealed. And then the Hymus's stood in for my parents while I was sealed to them. And then we did quite a few sealings. It was pretty amazing.

I was proud of myself for not bawling the whole time; I got all my bawling out in the car when I pulled into the lot. lol. I sat there for about 15-20 minutes and just cried and prayed and cried some more. I probably looked a WRECK when I walked into the temple. =) Then I printed out the cards and the group sheet for me and everyone arrived and we met at the sealing office and I was super nervous and excited and rather hyper for being in the temple.

The sealer was so cute. He kept getting the names wrong, pronouncing them, anyway. But with names like Anquoe, Hymus, Ramaekers, and my family names, it's no wonder! lol. But it was good. It offered some funny moments and he also said some really poignant things. It's definitely a day I won't ever forget for several reasons. I think that's why it's taken me a whole month to write about it; I needed to digest it and figure out what I was gonna say and how I would say it. There are still some things that are very sacred that I won't publish, but that are worth sharing with my friends. It was really an amazing night.

Then Eric, Tom, Dave and I went to Applebee's afterward and had some appetizers.

Also...I got a car! It's a cute, BYU Blue honda accord and it runs so awesome. I named it Cougar. ;)

anyway. I have some more thoughts since I'm posting from Oregon, but they deserve their own post. =D

So...Happy 600 posts! Here's to 600 more!

Darling in my wildest dream

2010-12-03T12:05:00.003-07:00

I never thought I'd go..but it's time to let you know...

Have that song running through my head today...

A lot of things are floating through my head today...Here are just a few:

Like I need to go to the temple before I go with my ward tomorrow

I need to schedule an ordinance at the temple for next week.

Reading Katie DUH's Blog today reaffirmed how freaking blessed I am with sweet, wonderful friends, guy and girl.

My ankle and wrist FREAKING hurt right now...falling on the sidewalk walking home may have caused it...

Riding the 850 can be hazardous to your nose...smelled like a freaking portapotty today...had to get off 3 stops early...UGH...please let me get a car for christmas!

I have a love-hate relationship with my job...I hate that I can see better days ahead that might cause me to love it...lol..*SIGH*

I miss Old Mill. Not the drama...not the roommates...just being in close proximity to my friends and being able to stop by out of the blue to say hi. OR play rockband. Or gossip. Or have people, usually boys, just walk in my front door at anytime, wanting to do the same. Not that I can't now...it's just...I feel like because I don't live there anymore, I've lost that privilege...silly, I know. Living in Orem doesn't help. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my house and my roommates...A LOT and I know this is where I am supposed to be...I just hate change and what comes with it. And it doesn't help that all I want to do when I get home is nap or vege b/c I love my job so much....

The more I practice for this audition I have on Tuesday, the more I realize my voice is really not that great...and probably never was...SHEESH...how annoying...

I am really really sad I can't go home for christmas...I miss my brother and sister SOOOOO freaking much it hurts. I haven't been home since May of 08...almost 3 years. This too shall pass...

I can't wait to go to Oregon for New Year's and Kyra's wedding...I'm so stoked to finally visit a place I hear so much about.

I have lost all motivation to cook at home...damn busy schedule...REALLY need to get back on track. Working at sonic does NOT help matters...

I feel like something is missing...not sure what...just, something is...

Misses the chaos of doing so many plays...not sure how to spend this thing called "free time" that I haven't had in almost a year...what do people DO anyway? I have rockband to fill some of the void but I can only geek out for so long...hrmmm...

um...that's about all the room I have in my head...so...come visit me? hang out with me? help me fill this void in my life?

Dear Santa

2010-11-29T16:14:00.004-07:00

I would love a mix of the following:

a car

a better job

voice lessons, real ones...

acting classes

Wii points! or gift cards for wii points (Or whatever they're called)...so I can download rockband songs like Bon Jovi's greatest hits...=)

Mad Men Season 3

a trip home to see my sis and bro

direction..of where I need to be

Wii points?!?! did I mention that?

Singer's Anthology, Mezzo-soprano, Volume 4 and it's accompanying CD

Memphis Original Broadway soundtrack

American Idiot original broadway soundtrack

Really, I don't need a ton...but any of the above would be fabu!

What do YOU want for christmas? what can I get you?

Dear Glee...

2010-11-20T15:40:00.002-07:00

I ignored you for the first season. I moved in with a roommate who LOVES it so I thought, with the aide of our DVR, that I would give you a chance this season. Here are my thoughts as of about half way into the season:

I like some of the arrangements...kind of a lot.
I'm not going to get all pompous and talk of the way you push boundaries, though i will say even I was shocked at some of the stuff you manage to get away with on primetime television.
I find some of the storylines intriguing and others completely pointless and mindless.
I feel like the music breaks are done assuming the audience will forgive a LOT as far as how it moves the plot along. And, let's face it...their audience forgives a lot.
I still don't really like a lot of the voices. Congrats that some of you have been on broadway. That's awesome. But most of them seem heavily doctored in the studio. And, for some reason, that bothers me. I blame cougar bait.
Some of the commentary actually ends up punching me in the face...like Kurt telling Mercedes that she uses his friendship as a substitute for having a boyfriend. *SIGH* hello to my life.
I don't really find any of the men on the show "To-Die-For, Move-Over-Jack-Bauer" Attractive. Meh.

That being said, I'll probably watch the rest of the season, to see if it hooks me. Really, I just want something to fill the void that 24 has left in my life. *SIGH* *SNIFF*

Bottom line? I would like a book of your arrangements, but the rest I can DEFINITELY take or leave.

You are the Best Thing that's ever been mine...

2010-11-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

Listening to Taylor Swift's newest...I thoroughly enjoy her music.

I thought ya'll could use another snapshot into my adolescent mind. all I've blogged about lately seems to be tragedy and plays...not the most interesting in thing in the world. So...for your reading pleasure...

June 17, 1993

...J is a terrific friend. It seems that everyone is always trying to get us together. I don't mind, but I'm not sure about him. Maybe I'll consider letting Valerie ask him. (LOL!) I can't wait til school starts again. (Whoops, off the subject..) I think I will let Val ask him for me.
NEWSFLASH!!!! MB ACTUALLY KNOWS WHO I AM!!! ANOTHER NEWSFLASH: I TALKED TO HIM ON THE PHONE!!!! Well, it's not much but it's a start. I wonder if he thinks I am pretty or even cute? Next year is going to be very interesting. Am I pretty? Good grief, I'm asking a book a question, i've lost it! I sort of think I am. I wonder what Val and J and my other friends think? (This is SUCH a classic Yellow personality trait! too funny...)

December 27, 1993

Oh boy, I haven't written in months. Well, Val left. I don't like Joey anymore. we're just very good, close friends, nuthin more. I do still like MB, though. I don't think that will ever change. Too bad his view of ME doesn't see to change. My New Year's resolutions are these:

1. Write in you more.
2. Lose weight (as usual)
3. Get a boyfriend (as usual)

May 29, 1994

Well, School's out. It got out friday. Here are a few updates: I LOVE Ryan M. A lot! We're actually very good friends. We hang out a lot and we do things together with Evan C. We have a great time together. I can't tell if he likes me or as just a friend. I don't mind the last one too much since I've decided not to date til I'm 16 (just 8 months away!) I had Dale M sign my yearbook and in the back, under "favorite heartthrob" he signed his name! I had heard a few whispers that he might like me, but I didn't believe it much. Now I do. I would mind going out with him.

June 4, 1996, 2:58am

Why am I up so late? well, in a bout 3 hours, I leave for Germany! I cannot wait! Her is what has happened in the last 2 years:

On june 28, 1994 my mom died. I started high school. Ryan M, my bestest friend in the whole world, moved out of the country. I turned 16. Finished my soph year. Met & became friends with Sarah R. Became a football manager. Met and went out with Charles J., James A, and am Currently dating Jon S, age 17. We first went out and kissed on Dec 2nd, 1995. went out two more times and hit a lull for 3 months. Started up again in May. I like being with him, he makes me laugh. I sitll like Dale M, Jeff W., Mike W, and as always, MB. I am currently working at White Water Bay in retail. It's fun! A total Blast! Now this trip will last for 3 weeks. Then I will rest a day and go to cheerleading camp. Why? Because I am the 96-97 Del City High School mascot! It should be a blast. ALso, I am sec. of Spirit council. That's more or less all for now.

Of things that matter most...

2010-11-16T22:41:00.003-07:00

I can't tell you how much I have needed the last 3 days. Even I didn't know until today. Sunday was awesome. I wasn't planning on going to church. I hadn't been contacted about a ride to church the night before and I was so tired I just wanted to sleep in. But then my friend DeeDee called and said she was giving me a ride and so I went.

Sacrament was awesome. One of those days where the talks are all for you. President Uchtdorf's talk was quoted twice, in different ways. (possibly thrice? I can't remember...) Sunday school was good, what I heard of it. And, as always, I napped in Relief Society. I know, I know. I did listen to Josie's lesson and I liked it. It was about the Gift of the Holy Ghost. (see? I was paying attention...)

Anyway, I decided to do dinner at my house, so I invited Tom and Eric. I ended up napping when I got home and woke at 4. The boys were coming over at 6. No time for crockpot, so I whipped up my old standby, Spaghetti, with all the best stuff in the sauce: Brown sugar, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, ground beef, onions, peppers, celery, tomatoes, spices...good stuff. It simmered for over an hour. I made a Banana Cake with cinnamon buttercream frosting that I'm STILL eating for breakfast. And Eric walked in with his Guitar. Awesome. And I was home taught by one of the guys who spoke in church that day, really liked his talk, and he quoted Pres. Uchtdorf's talk again to me, which I felt was really inspired of him. And then I skipped Ward Stare and hung out at home. Watched some TV, and fell asleep on the couch. IN my sunday clothes. LOL.

Woke at 9 and proceeded to eat breakfast and open my keyboards for rockband 3. I know, I know, but I hadn't even opened them and I've had them for 3 weeks! And I may or may not have wasted my day playing keyboards on Rockband 3. And then I got excited because I had friends coming to the show that night. Sure enough, My bishop and his family, the Hymus' and their family, Katie Duh, Tom, Heather, DeeDee, & Mark came. And My friend Abby came. And we had a fabulous show. Nothing tops performing for friends. Nothing. I LOVE hearing them laughing in the audience and being able to pick out their laughs ::COUGH::TOM::COUGH::KATIE::COUGH:: Not to mention, I love how supportive my friends are. and heaven knows this year has probably tested their supportive limits with the number of shows both Eric and I have been in! LOL

Anyway, then I went to Applebees with Eric, Carolyn, Bruce, his son Daniel, and Patrick. And We showed Bruce and Patrick, who are in their 40's, "Fairy Fail" on youtube.

And they laughed. Hard. (And Eric laughed...Hard...) And we showed them "The Count Censored" on youtube,

and they wept with laughter. And they had to watch it again. and we laughed again. Something about watching 2 40-something bears of men laugh until they cry and/or are red and rolling in the aisles that really makes your day. =)

My friend Heather is moving on thursday to washington and I tex mexed her today to ask her to lunch at Pizza Pie cafe. (My treat since she had treated me to lunch at Kneaders on friday...) so she and deedee and I went and we ate and talked and gossiped and (quite literally) watched 2 snow storms roll in and off of the mountains. And we had a mini Old Mill reunion of sorts. We saw Rob and 2 other people. I told him I had gotten another Interview with ancestry.com. HALLELUJAH! It was at 430p and he wished me luck.

Then I came home and did laundry and hung pictures on my wall. (had a bee in my bonnet...) Then went to my interview, rocked it (hopefully...) and came home. And did more laundry and read "the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants". And caught the end of a house concert with Kim. And got 2 phone calls, from Eric and Rob, asking about my interview. And Heather asked about it on facebook.

And now I sit blogging. It doesn't sound profound, the last 3 days, but I've been thinking about Pres. Uchtdorf's talk. In it, he talks of turbulence and how instinct might tell a pilot to speed up to get through it. But, the best way to ride out turbulence? Slow down, stay calm, and ride it out.

If you've seen the lack of blogs or the updates on the plays I've done lately, you can tell life has been hectic. even when I was unemployed. I have lots to try not to worry about and get through lately. I've been super busy. unbelievably busy. I have needed the slow pace of the last 3 days SOOO much that I didn't even know it. And now that I have had it? I am SOOOO recharged and energized and ready to tackle the rest of the week at a job I have started to loathe, but desperately need. And looking forward to our closing weekend. and a normal life, whatever that may be. (Don't get me wrong..I love this cast and love seeing these people every weekend and wish that it wouldn't end...)

Pray I get the job at ancestry...pray hard...I am...

And I am so thankful, a million times over, for the amazing people in my life. I say it so much it seems so mundane, but it's so true. I really have the most wonderful, supportive, fun, awesome friends. And I freaking love my life.

And if you've never seen EITHER of those videos? WATCH THEM...and laugh. And think of me. =)

Observations from a humble fast food worker

2010-11-13T16:51:00.003-07:00

so...I work at a fast food restaurant on a breakfast shift. I try not to judge those who come through my drive-thru, but it's kind of hard. Especially those who are extremely obese. Now, as a disclaimer, I am obese. I know this. I'm a size 16. I weigh over 200lbs and on my 5'9" frame, while I'm well proportioned, I know I am definitely overweight.

That being said, I'm not anywhere close to the kind of people I'm talking about. I had a couple come through the other morning. They EACH had to weigh close to 4oolbs. They ordered the following for themselves:

supersonic cheeseburger combos, each with large onion rings and RT44 diet cokes
4 orders of ched r peppers (cause they were $0.75)
Large java chiller

Calories for a supersonic cheeseburger: 980/64 g of fat
Large Onion rings: 640/34 g of fat
ched r peppers: 330/ 17g of fat
java chiller: 680/ 32g of fat

do the math.

I am fat. I know why I'm fat. I don't do a good job of controlling what I eat, I eat what I feel like eating. when I cook at home, I actually eat rather healthy. Problem is, when I get busy, like I've been the last 3 months, I don't have time to cook at home as much. Eating breakfast at work isn't helping, though in my defense I usually get a burrito with steak and eggs, no cheese or tots, lots of lime juice and some salsa. A bit better than most of the stuff on the menu. (PS...don't eat at Sonic if you are trying to lose weight! nothing substantial on the menu has less than 20 grams of fat...)

That being said, I see so many obese individuals coming through the drive-thru, some on a regular basis. Not only is it expensive, it's SO BAD FOR YOU. It's not wonder why America has such a high obesity rate. Exercise helps, but diet is what determines what you look like. Even if you're doing fad things like HCG drops and surgeries, you STILL have to make good choices to get the most out of the limited calories you are allowed to have. People are too quick to look for the miracle cure for obesity. They think it comes with the cut of a knife or a shot or a pill. I'll admit, even I've fallen victim to this way of thinking in my life.

HOWEVER...I know that the only way to lose weight and keep it off healthily, is to exercise and eat healthy. Control the intake of fat and make your calories count. Fast food has not place in a healthy diet, period. You have to be in control of what goes into your mouth, how it is prepared, etc.

One day, I will be better at it. FOr now? I'll prob hit up Wendy's on my way to my show. *SIGH* Story of my life.

My Thoughts on Health Care

2010-11-10T15:13:00.003-07:00

Now, I don't profess to have an answer. All I know is my own personal experience.

I am 31 and currently don't have a job that offers health insurance. I am single and I make < $800/month so cannot afford any on my own. Not in school so can't get it there. I am, however, Native American and through the Indian Walkin Center in Salt Lake, I can get vouchers to go to a low-income clinic in Salt Lake. Yes, it's a pain, but it's my only option as of late.

I pondered the whole health care debate whilst I waited to see my doctor yesterday. I looked around at the people who were there with me. Probably 90% of the people I see there are hispanics, and most with children. Most look like they qualify to be there, ie aren't wearing expensive clothing, driving fancy cars, etc. They look as if they come from modest surroundings. The other 10% are older individuals, probably on medicaid/care (whichever is for the elderly), probably living off pensions or social security (don't get me started on this...) and also looking like they qualify to be there. I sat and thought "These are the kind of people I don't mind my tax dollars helping..." Babies and children who can't control the circumstances they were born in getting much needed check-ups and vaccinations? Sure. I'm ok with that.

I went in, received an ultrasound to check Chester, the cyst on my Ovary (yes, I have officially named him...). Received a prescription for birth control to regulate my cycle that Chester has thrown out of whack, and left. It took me just over 2 hours because I was late, would have been about an hour if I had been on time. My doctor is an actual doctor, and I like him. He doesn't treat me like the low-income individual that I am. I hate having to reiterate that I am NOT, infact, sexually active and NO you DON'T need to check for an STD, but it's a small inconvenience to pay for what I get.

While I don't have to pay the co-pay, it's based on income, like I said before, and the co-pays range from $20-75 per visit.

Rant and rave all you want about health care and socialism and what your tax dollars are paying for, what Obama has done, etc because it's your right and this rant doesn't change that, of course...

But remember this:

I pay taxes, too. They get taken out of my meager paychecks just like yours do. Sure, I get them all back at the end of the year, but I pay taxes just like you. I'm not living beyond my means. I don't have thousand's of dollars in credit card debt, wear designer clothes/shoes, have the latest toys and such. I'm not on welfare or food stamps or unemployment and sit at home doing nothing.

No, I don't always spend my money wisely, but I don't think I'm wasting my life away. Like countless other americans today, I am working hard to make ends meet and am forever thankful that your tax dollars keep me from worrying about whether Chester will turn into cancer and go unnoticed. Yes, there are more of us than you think. Yes, there are a LOT of those that take advantage of the system, but please don't punish me for something I can't control. If it weren't for the Indian Health Services system, that the republicans tried to abolish but (thankfully) Obama re-instated, the percentage of Natives who actually see a doctor each year would drastically go down. No, they aren't a perfect people, but a lot of them are like me.

Does it make me sick to my stomach when I hear of abuses of the system? yes. It makes me livid. And I would wholeheartedly be all for something like required drug testing to qualify for government help. I don't have the answer to how to remedy those abuses.

Is it a perfect system? no. Is there one on the horizon? probably not. Will there be an easy solution? probably not. Do I plan on being uninsured for the rest of my life? Of course not. As soon as I can get a job that provides that, I will. But for now, I thank you for the tax dollars that allow me to stay healthy. The next time you bitch about "what your tax dollars are paying for", try to remember, for once, that some one like me got the ultrasound that I desperately needed. And I appreciate it.

See How They Run: a Tribute....

2010-11-03T12:20:00.003-06:00

From L to R: Eric as Clive, Larisa as Penelope, Cameron as Lionel, and me as Miss Skillon

So...from the last 2 posts you know that I am doing a show this month and that a friend of mine died tragically a couple of weeks ago. Well, I never thought that the two, stark events would mesh into something so wonderful.

Eric and I ran into some issues getting royalties for our show and it looked like we weren't going to be able to put it on. Bound and determined, we had less than 24 hours to raise the royalties. And, with the generous help of some amazing, wonderful friends of ours, we were able to raise everything we needed in about 12 hours. An astonishing feat to say the least. Eric even remarked as he dropped me off that night "Well, we are obviously supposed to do this show. I have no idea why, but it's supposed to go on." And this isn't even counting all the puzzle pieces that fell into place casting the thing! We knew how much time we'd have and how limited our rehearsals were and we knew we needed strong actors to do this show justice and make the sacrifices worth it. So, we delved into the amazing people we've had the pleasure of doing shows with in the past, and came up with a short list of people. Miraculously, they were all able to do it. We had our cast.

Then, just 4 days after we raised the royalties and breathed a sigh of relief, tragedy struck and our friend Mark, who had been in a show with Eric, Larisa, Joe and I back in January, was killed in a car accident. A few days after telling the theater owner the bad news, I received a phone call and she mentioned donating the profits of our run to Mark's widow and her family. (They have 6 children ages 3-16) I said to her "now, Jody...what are you thinking? the profits from one evening? one weekend?" and she said "well...I think they could use all of it, don't you?"

And so began one of the most fulfilling endeavors in which I have ever had the pleasure of taking part. Our humble little theater that can barely make enough to cover the costs of running the place year-round, has generously offered all the profits of our 9 performances to this family. Two of their daughters had auditioned to be in "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" just 2 days before the accident and, despite the loss of their father, couldn't WAIT to be in the show. That's just one example of the awesome things that have come to pass to round out the obvious tragedy.

As Eric said, "Now we know what our purpose is: to honor Mark." And I can't think of a better purpose. Our trials and struggles haven't let up. We rehearsed in my livingroom for all but the 5 days that we spend in the theater because of prior scheduling conflicts. And that's just the tip, but anything worth doing comes at a price and this awesome cast has willingly paid that price. I know I have been saying this about most of the shows I have had the pleasure of doing this year (and believe me...there have been an abnormal amount...) but this cast is so fabulous. By far one of the most talented I have had the pleasure of working with. And we are so cohesive, each person adds so much to the show. I am so excited for you all to see it!

Anyway, here are a few publicity photos Mark Montie took of us on a whim last week. I hastily edited them last night after rehearsal and into the wee hours of the morn before I trudged to work today (my comp has been on the fritz for 2 weeks and I just got it working again...). I hope you enjoy them as much as I have. =)

Above: Joe Smith as Arthur Humphreys, Me and Eric

Probably a pic that best describes this wacky play...lol

Joe, me and Eric again...prob my favorite pic and also the wallpaper on my phone...=)

Hee hee hee...love Joe's face here

Family

2010-10-20T12:55:00.004-06:00

Plays are a strange thing, you see...you spend upwards of 30 hrs/wk with a group of people and one of two things can happen: you either love or hate one another.

Well, I had the privilege of working with some wonderful actors when we did HMS Pinafore back in January. Some of those people included the McDonnells, Mark and Jen. He couldn't wait to do the show and was super excited about it. He was very complimentary of my directing and was always so gracious to me for casting him as a sailor. We had fun and he did a great job, even filling in for other parts when needed. He and his wife were a great asset to the show and became wonderful friends.
when Eric did a gig at my work in april, Mark came with his entire family and participated in singing. He had a great tenor voice. Any show Eric and/or I were in this year, Mark and Jen came to support us. They came to I Am Jane, Roughly Speaking, and Mission. They were always the first to show support to anyone they could and loved theater. When I needed people to help me move, he and Jen came without hesitation, at 10pm at night on a sunday, and helped me move the rest of my things from my old apt in provo to my new house in Orem. And they did it with a smile, as always.

Mark was killed in a car accident yesterday morning. He left his wife Jennifer, his 6 children, and his wheelchair-ridden father whom they were taking care of. Words don't describe the loss I feel, and we were just acquaintances. He will be missed, to say the least, by many people. I only wish I could have been as supportive to Mark as he was to me. I plan to remedy that by supporting Jen as much as I can. It's the least I can do for the friendship he showed me the last 10 months.

(All photos courtesy of Thomas Hansen, Jen McDonnell, and Facebook.)

um...yeah...it's like that...

2010-10-13T12:54:00.002-06:00

holy cow...

needless to say the entire time we did Pinafore at the Yew, my schedule was as follows:

Wake at 445a, leave by 5a, at work by 530a
Work til noon, come home, veg for maybe an hour and shower
Leave for salt lake with Eric by 345p
Rehears from 6-10p
home by 11p, in bed by 1130p
Repeat

hence my lack of blogging. There were few exceptions and it's been uber crazy. the show is finally over. I...had fun in the end. The Run itself, all 4 days of it, was what was fun. And I loved some of the people I met. It's funny, actually. Eric and I were remarking about the shows we've done since Jan and have realized 2 things:

people ALWAYS think/ask if we're dating. Always.
we always get at least one couple who are like "We totally wanna hang out with you guys..." as in the both of us, not just me or him. LOL...it's really kinda funny...and slightly awkward.

That said, Pinafore is over and done with and I'm still not sure the experience was really all that worth it. Meh...you win some, you lose some.

Mission finally ended and I didn't want it to. Not even after 6 weeks! I love that show and hopefully our run helped open some doors for Jed & Eric. Too lazy to post pics, so look at facebook. =P

Now onto the last show of the year, and the most anticipated: See How They Run! we had a read through last night will all but 2 of our castmates. And, let me tell you, it was AMAZING! Seriously...such talented people. And we're sOOO excited. Plus, this will actually be Eric's directorial debut. I will help direct his scenes, since he's a lead, but it's his show, he's calling the shots. So excited for him and for the show. Can NOT wait to get it to an audience.

Basically, life has me rather content these days. I'm busy but completely ok with it and loving every minute of it...as my friend Ashley said "I've never known you to gather moss..." and it's rather true. =)

oh...and Rockband3 comes out in 2 weeks!!!

Hello 13 year old me!

2010-09-15T16:04:00.003-06:00

so...I've been contemplating this for 2 weeks now...I've decided to start posting actual diary entries from the diaries I've kept since i was 13...Thought you all would be interested in reading a snapshot of my life. SO...I'll begin with the first entry I have. If I am still friends with someone I mention, I will just initial their names. LOL...My best friend whom I've know for forever is mentioned quite a lot as I had a HUGE crush on him throughout jr/sr high....*SIGH* some things never change. ;)

August 14, 1992

I like J as a friend. He is so funny and nice. I can't wait for school to start. Tonight I'm going skating. It should be fun. Today, I have band. SIGH. Tonight, I saw Ricky C. Lord he is so gorgeous!! Before he moved, he was only semi-cute, but tonight he was gorgeous!! (And he didn't even say hi...)

lol....

August 15, 1992

Tonight I went skating and it was rather boring. I followed the cute guy around with out him noticing. That was fun. J wasn't home today. I wonder where he was? I got a new Richard Marx tape today. Son (what I have always called my brother...) bought it for me. We went to Penn Square Mall today and we had fun shopping together. And I found a Girbaud shirt for $23! (oh lord...if THAT doesn't date me...) That's $11 cheaper than anywhere else! Tomorrow I go to church.

BAHAHAHA...and one more....now, for your entertainment purposes, I give you...the account of my first "kiss" which is HOTLY contested...at least, it was for a while...he claims to have no recollection of the event in question. LOL. Story of my life. =)

August 22, 1992

Well, it finally happened. Just as I predicted. J finally kissed me. He showed up at the skating rink unexpectedly (are you seeing a pattern of what my life was like at 13? lol) he can't skate so most of the time we just sat around and talked. Then he sprung the fact that he didn't have a ride. So I had to give him a ride home. We were sitting in the backseat with my sister. Nyki, him, Me was the arrangement. He made me get out so he could get out. Then he sort of lunged for me and kissed me on the cheek. Right there in front of Daddy and Nyki! How embarrassing, but I liked it.

LOL..I can hear Katie laughing as I type this....

well..enjoy. I'll post more later...

Updated 101 in 1001

2010-09-08T05:12:00.002-06:00

so...apparently this goal setting thing is super popular. It's got it's own website now! I have updated my list and will continue to do so HERE...I have finished 27 of 101 things and have 16 things in progress...grr...you can see some of the notes I've written for different things if there is a yellow note icon next to it....I have pretty much neglected it the last 6 months or so, but I will see what I can accomplish in the next 288 days. That makes it....not counting the 16 things in progress....that means I need to accomplish something every 5 days...yikes!

Well...how about I start small and set some goals for the month of september? from my list, I will accomplish the following by the end of this month:

89: log 20 hrs of service at the Bishop's storehouse
76: Go on a picnic
49: Visit a Creepy Cemetery at night
42: Finish my Bedspread and make corresponding curtains & pillowcases
26: read Infinite Atonement

That should get me going...and I'll hopefully finish some of my in progress stuff by then, too...

Anyway, I know ya'll have been curious....so...there you go!

It's a quarter after 1, I'm all alone and I need you now...

2010-09-06T12:18:00.004-06:00

I haven't felt very bloggy lately, as you can tell...I guess I'll update:

HOME:

I have been LOVING my new place. My roommates are really awesome, especially the one I share the downstairs with. The house is HUGE and I have it completely to myself, like, 75% of the time. I'm ITCHING to host a dinner party or something...so badly....I love my neighborhood. I can go running and not feel like I'm on display. Or like I'm gonna get raped any moment. =) The only bummer is not having a car and being able to drive down to see my friends. I have to make sure I have a ride home, which is awkward. I hate being a burden and putting someone out to take me home. But, so far so good. I keep having bouts of doubt and insecurity, but I know it's because I made the right decision. I just need to battle through it...

WORK:

Still non-existent. Still hunting. Hoping something gives and I land something soon. GRR...I hate being unemployed. I am also waiting on an oil lease to come through that will take care of me for a little while...Keeping fingers crossed. =)

PLAY:

LOVING my Mission cast. They are such fun kids/people and it's been an amazing run so far. So much so that I can't believe it's hump day! Tonight marks our halfway point and it's DEFINITELY going WAY too fast! Seriously...my ward is coming next week and...then we'll only have 2 more weekends...craziness! Come see this show! It's so awesome...they are doing so well!

Eric and Valaura got cast in a production of Pinafore at the U of U...He's a sailor and she's a lead. I auditioned for fun and didn't get a call, so I was a little bummed I wouldn't get to do the show with them. It's only a 4 day run and they're double cast, but I was a little bummed. Then, lo and behold, I got a call and they cast me as a SAILOR. Yup...I'm a man, singing first tenor. lol. My response was "Umm...I'm a little busty but ok! I'd love to!" so...this should be fun! And it will keep me even more busy. =)

anyway...that's my life as of yet...keep ya posted on more as I do it, I guess...=)

Feasting upon the words...

2010-08-23T14:56:00.002-06:00

so...a couple sundays ago, I had the chance to chat with one of the counselors in my stake presidency. I went looking for guidance as to what ward I should attend when I move. I have 3 options: Stay with my current ward, go to the mid-singles ward or go to the boundary ward that I am in.

We had a fantastic chat. Among other things he read me my patriarchal blessing and gave me his thoughts on it. He was really insightful and inspiring. One of the things he said to me was about the term "feasting upon the words of christ" found in Alma Chapter 32 of the Book of Mormon.

He asked me what I thought that meant...and of course I said that it meant to read the scriptures. He said that is true but that it could be taken a step further because of what is found in verses 22 & 23 of the same chapter

22 And now, behold, I say unto you, and I would that ye should remember, that God is ^amerciful unto all who believe on his name; therefore he desireth, in the first place, that ye should believe, yea, even on his word. 23 And now, he imparteth his word by angels unto men, yea, ^anot only men but women also...

He imparteth his word by angels unto men...He said that means his word also comes from angels...those who guard us and watch over us...those who have gone before us. And this was before I told him that both of my parents are gone. Anyway, it was really insightful and awesome to think about it that way...

It gives me hope for this semester. He basically said that no matter what I choose, as long as I am losing myself in serving the people around me, I will thrive and...maybe meet someone who sees the light that I exude when I am in the service of my fellow men...that's kind of exciting. I just wish I knew where I belonged, you know? I think I just need to give it time...

emerging from the dust

2010-08-23T11:58:00.002-06:00

wow...it's been the most ridiculous 2 weeks! I've been so busy with moving and getting this show open, I have missed the chance to write several blogs.

So...I moved in with the spinsters. And they aren't so bad. I love my house and I love my neighborhood. I love how much room I have, storage and otherwise. BUT...I feel as if I've traded lives with Katie Duh. While I don't think I'll hate my house as much as she, I'm really quite sad at how little I know I will see my friends. I see Eric 3 times a week with the show, but I hate being a burden so I don't want to come down only to have to ask someone to take me home later. And so...I just come home. And long for Rockband Sunday nights or Beto's runs after midnight on sundays or just wandering over to 117...

And my house is pretty cool, but it's not in Provo. I don't want to be obnoxious like someone I know who bought her own condo and all we could hear from her for the next 3 months was "Let's hang out at MY new house!" But at the same time, I love being a hostess and having people come over. And I'll never again be sitting in my livingroom and have the boys just walk in unexpectedly. I feel as if I'll eventually be replaced and forgotten. As much as I want to stay in my current ward, who will honestly want to traipse all the way out here to pick me up for church when it starts at 9am on a sunday? Who? No One. So I'll be forced to go to the Mid-Singles ward, which is NOTHING like my ward, and I'll sink into a life of obscurity.

Yes, these are honestly my fears. I honestly believe I'll hear about all these spontaneous get togethers involving all my friends...except me...because no one wants to come pick me up all the way out in Orem. And I don't WANT new friends. I just want MY friends. And maybe I'm just being crazy and super insecure. But answer me this before you pshaw my fears: are YOU willing to come get me to go hang out at Eric & Brandon's or take me home afterward or give me a ride to church every sunday?

That's what I thought.

My one and only post on the Gay Marriage debate...

2010-08-06T13:41:00.002-06:00

and it's borrowed from someone who can say it better! Here is a post of an article written by Eric D. Snider. I LOVED reading Snide Remarks when I was at BYU in the newspaper and, thankfully, he has kept it up.

NOW...DISCLAIMER...Before any of you NON BYU people and NON Utahans freak the hell out on me for posting this, just know this is something we like to to call SATIRE..SARCASM...and isn't meant to actually be a REAL opinion...BREATHE...ok...are we good now? can I post this and not get hate comments? Especially when this imports to facebook? Are you sure? WHEW...just checking!

Without further ado, Mr. Snider's commentary...

Snide Remarks #600

"The Gay Marriage Column"

by Eric D. Snider

Published in EricDSnider.com on November 17, 2008

Well! There has been quite a rhubarb over this whole gay marriage thing! If you'll permit me, I'd like to employ my usual measured, careful analysis of this controversy to see if I can help us understand both sides a little better.

On the one side, you have the fags. The fags, the queers, the dykes, and the lesbos. They want the government to let them marry each other the same way people of the opposite sex marry each other, i.e., expensively, and followed by a lifetime of sexless drudgery. The homos also want to require kindergarten teachers to promote homosexuality to their students, complete with visual aids and in-class demonstrations; they want to destroy the traditional family unit and replace it with a society where everyone just walks around naked all the time, sometimes pausing in the street to do it with a stranger; they want the First Amendment rewritten to make all churches illegal except for the ones with fashionable interior design; and they want the national anthem replaced with something by Sondheim.

On the other side, you have the religious nutjobs -- the zealots, the whackos, the crusaders, the cultists. These bigots want to enforce Christianity -- their particular brand of it, of course, since all the other kinds of Christianity are wicked -- throughout the land, first by putting up Nativity scenes in federal courthouses, and eventually by replacing every American city's street lights with giant crucifixes and all state constitutions with copies of Guideposts magazine. They believe that gays are second-class citizens whose deviant behavior strips them of any rights under the Constitution, and that if the gays want to get married they should all just move to an island somewhere, start their own little gay-marriage colony, and eventually kill each other with AIDS (which religious people believe is spontaneously generated, like fire, when you rub two gays together).

There. Have I summed everything up?

California's recent vote on Proposition 8, which banned gay marriage in the state, was a close one -- 52% in favor of the ban, 48% against. What especially frustrated those opposing the proposition was that early polling had indicated a handy majority of voters agreed with them. It wasn't until a certain church got involved -- a certain church known as the Latter-day Saint LDS Church of the Mormons -- that the tide turned the other way. For those in favor of gay marriage, it was like playing a game of basketball where your team is outperforming the other team until the fourth quarter, when suddenly they bring in 750,000 extra players. The analogy is imperfect, because in this case the extra players did not violate the rules of the game, and because of course gays don't play basketball, but you get the idea.

The LDS Church made the unusual move of specifically encouraging its members in California to not just vote for Prop 8, but to donate their time and money to encourage others to vote for it, too. And for the most part, rank-and-file Mormons responded to their leaders' directions the way they usually do: they had a meeting, served refreshments, ran over by about 10 minutes, declared Democrats evil, talked about BYU football for a while, and then went out and did what had been asked of them. About $40 million was raised in support of Prop 8, and at least half of that was contributed by Mormons. Many church members also canvassed neighborhoods and made phone calls for Prop 8. It was an all-out effort, and there's no disputing it was the Mormon involvement that got Prop 8 passed. Mormons should be proud to know that their efforts paid off.

Strangely, however, now that gay-marriage proponents are expressing outrage and anger at the Mormons, many church members are acting like their involvement was inconsequential. They're celebrating on Election Night, and then the next day saying, "What? Why are you mad at US? We weren't the only ones!" There have also been several instances where it has become known that someone donated money to Prop 8 -- political contributions are a matter of public record -- and people have boycotted their businesses in response. This, too, has left some Prop 8 supporters hurt and confused.

What people failed to realize, I guess, is that when you get involved in a political issue, you don't get to choose what kind of response you get. You don't get to accept the congratulations for your victory but refuse the jeers from the losing side. That doesn't excuse the illegal reactions, of course. The physical threats, the vandalism, that's all out of bounds, obviously. But refusing to patronize a business whose owner contributed to a political cause you disagree with is a perfectly legal and reasonable thing to do. If you're going to take a stand for something, you have to accept that there's going to be a negative reaction from those who disagree with that stand.

A man named Dave Leatherby, owner of an ice cream shop in Sacramento and a devout Catholic, contributed, with his family, about $20,000 in support of the gay-marriage ban. He's now shocked and bewildered that the people who view his contribution as an attack on their civil rights are boycotting his business. According to an article in the Sacramento Bee, "he is particularly confused because his business has participated in the annual gay pride Rainbow Festival." Which is sort of like saying, "Sure, I punched you in the face and threw you in a ditch. But don't forget -- I also came to your birthday party last year!"

Some of the boycotting takes things too far, though. Some activists are calling for a boycott of the entire state of Utah, including the gay-friendly Sundance Film Festival, which is held in Utah's most liberal town, Park City. That's like boycotting Nevada because you don't like hookers. I guess "Utah" equals "Mormonism" in the same broad, stereotypical, mostly-true-but-not-entirely sense that "gay" equals "un-athletic."

Then there was the head of the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center organizing a drive to send protest postcards to LDS Church "president Thomas Munson," whose last name is actually Monson. Or gay columnist Dan Savage saying on CNN that a letter in support of Prop 8 had been read over the pulpit at all Mormon "temples," unaware that Mormon temples are quite different from the regular Mormon churches, which is where the letter was actually read. (Ask any Mormon -- the difference is huge.) Or the various calls to hold protests at Mormon temples on a Sunday, apparently unaware that Mormon temples are closed and empty on Sundays, because all the Mormons are at their churches. (See? Told you there was a difference.)

What we're finding is that the average gay activist knows as much about Mormons as the average Mormon knows about gays, i.e., mostly unflattering half-truths that they once heard from someone who doesn't like them.

There are some legal misunderstandings, too. Many Prop 8 opponents are saying the LDS Church's involvement in this political issue means it should have its tax-exempt status revoked. This refers to section 501(c)(3) of U.S. Title Code 26, which a lot of people didn't read because they heard it wasn't as good as U.S. Title Code 25, so I'll summarize it. It's laying out which groups are exempt from taxation, and it includes:

"Corporations ... organized and operated exclusively for religious ... purposes ... no substantial part of the activities of which is carrying on propaganda, or otherwise attempting to influence legislation." (The ellipses are to simplify the sentence by removing the parts that don't apply here.)

Now, I'm not a lawyer, but the church's lawyers are lawyers, and I'm guessing their defense lies in the word "substantial." You'd have a hard time showing that the church's attempt to influence the passage of Prop 8 constituted a "substantial" part of its activities, given that it's a worldwide church with billions of dollars in holdings and 13 million members. Only a small fraction of that money and those members reside in California. "Revoke their tax-exempt status!" makes sense until you actually read what the law says. Then you can see it's not so cut-and-dried.

But some Prop 8 supporters have been misunderstanding the law, too. I've been hearing a lot of this lately: "Prop 8 opponents should just drop it. The people have spoken and the measure has passed! It's over!" And that's a lame argument. Are you saying that if the outcome had been the other way around, you'd be saying, "Oh well! We lost. Time to move on and just accept gay marriage"? Of course not. "You lost! Get over it!" reeks of gloating and smugness, and it's as unhelpful as a lesbian in the kitchen on Thanksgiving.

Most of these people were upset that there even had to be a vote, considering Californians had already banned gay marriage once before, only to have that law struck down by the state Supreme Court. They complain that it's not fair for the court to go against the will of The People. Well, that argument's as useless and hollow as Bill O'Reilly's head. There's not a gentle way of saying this, so I'll just spit it out: It doesn't matter what The People want. Part of what the U.S. Supreme Court and the individual state supreme courts do is compare the will of The People against the state and U.S. constitutions. Those documents trump everything else. If The People vote for something that the Supreme Court determines is a violation of the Constitution, then it doesn't matter how many of The People voted for it. It's out, period.

So the issue isn't whether the state Supreme Court should be overruling The People, because the answer is yes, it should, if what The People want is unconstitutional. The issue is whether the Supreme Court was correct when it determined that a ban on gay marriage was unconstitutional. That's the question, and obviously there are strong arguments on both sides. Even the court itself was divided, 4-3, and if seven robe-wearing old people whose names you wouldn't recognize can't agree on something unanimously, then what hope is there for the rest of us?

As usual with these things, both sides are convinced of their own moral rightness, and each side is upset that its intolerance is not being greeted with more tolerance by the other side. Everyone claims to want to reach an "understanding" or a "compromise," but all they really mean is that they want the other side to give up and back down.

This is all wrong! Gays and Mormons should focus not on their differences but on what they have in common. They both love being persecuted and telling the world what martyrs they are, for example. They both love Disneyland. They both prefer Mitt Romney over John McCain. They're both always well represented on "American Idol." They're both unwelcome in Alabama. They're both suspicious of Catholic priests. The list goes on and on.

As these emotionally charged debates continue, it's important to remember what we share -- our desire for happiness, our inherent worth as human beings, and our gratitude to live in a country that lets us hash these things out without anyone having to raise an army or execute any dissenters. In the stirring words of our national anthem, let's send in the clowns.

hrmmmm

2010-08-05T13:31:00.003-06:00

well....still in limbo...

Still not sure where I'm going to live. Hoping to go to the temple today sometime. Then, I'll go to rehearsal...and hopefully be a good one.

I'm slightly frustrated today, I think. I wish I knew what I was going to be doing in the fall but I have faith that wherever I end up, will be where I need to be.

Now, I have a LOOOOOOONG week of weeding and packing ahead of me that i am NOT excited to begin! =)

I'm not that girl....

2010-08-02T21:48:00.003-06:00

no, not the wicked song...see...here's the thing..

I'm supposed to move in with my friend Felecia, but I have this gut feeling she'll either end up getting engaged super quickly or bail on me all together...not that I mean that in an I hate her kind of way, I love the girl...it's just a little hard with her in DC right now.

That being said, I'm not terribly keen on MOST of the management companies that manage most of the condos in Old Mill, my home for 4 years. Not to mention that most have that stupid 2 week break where I would be homeless....not gonna work out. AND...duh duh duh...my contract ends on the 13th...yeah...I have 10 days to figure out where I'm going to live.

So I go to see this really promising place. It's owned by a chick who is 39...the other roommate is 32. The 39 year old seemed nice on the phone but and the house is HUGE. But I get the feeling her dad owns the place, not her. and while the rent is dirt cheap for a private room with ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED *COUGH* $250/month *COUGH* AND I could move in next week...well...when I actually MET the girls...yeah...I'm not that girl. Not yet, anyway. They're kind of sad and lonely in a "Why can't I get Married?" kind of way...and a little awkward...and there is this china cabinet in the front room with some scary-ass doll collection-the kind that could just reach up and walk out of the cabinet if dolls were prone to do that sort of thing. lol.

The place has a pool table and a vegetable garden in the back...lots of room...HUGE tv area...did I MENTION a pool table? and I would have the whole downstairs to myself with my friend if she moves in. and there is a RIDICULOUS amount of storage space and a HUGE deep freeze. And did I mention utilities are included?

so...LOTS of reasons to move there. BUT...the cons:

It's NOT close to my friends and I still have no car. I couldn't just wander over and see what the boys are up to, which might be a good thing in the long run. I would have to figure out a way to church every sunday or attend one of the wards the ladies I live with attend. They seem kind of conservative, homebody, homely, set in their ways kind of girls/ladies...and I just don't think I'm in that place. Should I be? I mean...I haven't "given" up on getting married; I don't want to prematurely condemn myself to be on old spinster so soon, you know? I mean...who am I kidding. I have a group of guy friends whom I love to death, but have no dating options with. And THEY are the closest things I have to going on dates, which should tell you something about my love life. Sometimes I wonder if it's time to just move on and start over somewhere else. And I wonder if, even though people say it, if they really WILL miss me. And make an effort to hang out. Jess Moved to salt lake and I haven't seen her once. Life goes on. Maybe it's finally time for me to do so, too. I just don't know if 1313 Spinster Lane is the place to do it.

And who knows...maybe I'M the reason my guy friends are all still single...maybe being friends with me is unhealthy for relationships or something, I don't know. It worked for Craig...he cut me out of his life and got married just like that. I just...feel lost...and more alone than I've ever felt in my life. And I have no clue why. I long to do all these things. I long, ache, YEARN to get married...have a family...just...be a freaking adult for once. I'm tired of 20 year old roommates and not being able to live in my living room. I just...want my own space and my own means to do it...and I can't. Not yet, anyway...so now I have a choice to make: do what I've been doing for the last 10 years or do something different. They say that doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result, is the definition of insanity. Am I insane? WILL living with roommates and hanging around with my guy friends on a saturday night actually yield something different? Or am I doomed to be like this potential roommate: Alone with 2 dogs at 39, trying to rent out rooms in my house to random strangers...

At the same time...I have nothing in common with these guys in my ward who have just come home off the mish within the last 4 years...And no one wants to date the fat spinster who graduated high school when they were entering junior high. How do I know that? Go through my blogs and you can probably count how many dates I've been on. *SIGH* On the other hand, I don't have anything in common with men in their 40's who've been divorced or are FINALLY thinking they should settle down. I'm in a weird limbo. And I don't know what I should do. I mean, I guess I could just hack it for a little bit. The lease goes month to month after 4 months...if I hate it, I could bail in january if I REALLY wanted to. Plus, with my job future so uncertain, I just don't know.

What do YOU think? Seriously...if you're lurking, post an opinion. You know enough about me to have a decent opinion...I'm going to the temple on Friday so I'm going to pray about it and seek guidance there. *SIGH* I hate this aspect of being single. With a passion. HATE IT.

I KNOW I'm not gonna die a spinster...I know I will get married; I just don't know how long it's going to take...or what I have to do to get to that place. And, right now...I don't know what I should do.

Workin 9 to 5

2010-07-31T23:36:00.005-06:00

Or 6a to 2p in my case...

so...the above picture is taken from a worksheet I filled out around...7am. We were to define the word "Quality" with our own definition.

The sentence with the line drawn through it was my first attempt. The squiggles at the end? yeah...me falling asleep while writing...

that second attempt? with only 2 words and a squiggle? yeah...only made it two words and fell asleep...lol

Moral of this story? I am NOT allowed to do any kind of manual labor before 9am. =D

it's been one week

2010-07-31T20:28:00.003-06:00

well...more like 6 weeks since I've had money to grocery shop...thank heavens for Winco and food storage! I've been living on what's in my freezer and on my shelves this whole time. that check from my temp work FINALLY came today and I headed off to wally world since I didn't have a ride to WinCo. Spent MOST of it, but...*SIGH* I have food! Good food! Like chicken and steak (mmm...on clearance...gonna crockpot it and make some tacos or something...can't wait!) and stuff to make lunches that vary from blackbeans and cornbread that I ate for most of last week....and a few fun items like Totino's pizzas (just 2) and some baking items. I'm so stoked.

Mission Rehearsals have been going rather smoothly. Like, 70% of it's completely blocked and ready to run-through. We just need to learn some choreography that my friend Alexis is doing for me and the nephites and lamanites need to learn the battle choreography that a friend of a friend is doing for us. I love talented people who don't mind sharing their talents for free! They are all bringing their costume choices next week and I hope to start full run throughs the following week, which should put us in a GREAT place for opening night! Now...if I can JUST find 2 more lamanites I'll be set...bonus if it's before Saturday!

caught up on my blogs and found this great link on my friend Nikki's blog. so...any of you who have young kids, here is a HUGE list of tips for driving road trips with them!

hmmm....what else? Looking for a place for the fall...need to start weeding out my crap so I don't have so much to lug around. it's gonna be a bit tight, cause I think I won't have money until the day my contract ends, so fingers crossed everything works out! =)

oh man...I HAVE GROCERIES!!!!! I still can't believe it! =)

bah

2010-07-28T16:56:00.002-06:00

well, it's been kind of a crappy day...

3rd day at convergys...it's not too bad. I can hack it. I was just really tired all day. I have a minor crush on one of my coworkers who is a. rather skinny and b. just might be gay...lol...story of my freakin life.

came home hungry, craving some salmon and veggies I had in the freezer only to discover...neither tasted that great. Blah. Now, I'm still hungry and not close to feeling satisfied. And don't have time to make anything.

I'm missing my ward activity tonight for rehearsal. Story of my life, but it's ok. I'm actually excited about that part. =)

I didn't get the Vault Job. He called me today to let me know they didn't pick me. *LE SIGH* That's ok...a LOT of things needed to fall into place for that job to work out. It just wasn't the right time, is all.

Missed my bus to go up to Lindon, but I found a ride so I'll be fine. Still need a few more lamanites/missionaries. Praying I'll find them and a Dad and a Grandpa.

Just a little Melancholy today is all. I had already accepted my fate working for convergys. And really, aside from the schedule thing and having to occasionally work on sunday, I'll start accrueing time off immediately, if I work on saturdays, it's an extra $1 an hour and they offer as much overtime as possible. Plus, after $60 days I get free Direct TV service (the most expensive package) which might come in handy when I move in with Felecia. So...it's not ideal, but I can do it for as long as I need to. And maybe get some money saved up or get caught up...one of the two...

And we're getting another Oil lease with a signing bonus as big as last year...which should, hopefully, come in sometime in Sept.

*LE SIGH*

It's just been frustrating...I've been waiting on a small check from that temp work I did 2 weeks ago and it STILL hasn't come. I'm growing weary of canned veggies and frozen salmon, my staples since last week. I need that money to go grocery shopping. And pay my phone bill. And pay some tithing. And last me until August 13th when I get my first convergys check. I hate when things are just on the horizon and you don't feel like you can make it a minute longer, you know?

Just venting...=)

The Field is Black

2010-07-25T11:29:00.002-06:00

wow...crazy week!

got to interview at the Granite Mountain Records Vault. Before they would even start the second interview, I had to complete a sorting test with someone timing me. I had to put 20 films into numerical order according to their 7 digit number, and then place their corresponding sleeves behind them, miss less than 4 in 7 minutes. I scored 100% in 3 minutes.

Then, a guy who is currently doing what I would be doing, came and took me on a tour of the facility. (which, by the way, is crazy...they don't do public tours so the only people, basically, who've been inside have worked there! It was so freaking cool.) Then he gave me a hands on demonstration of what I would be doing, which is scanning microfilm into digital files and then making sure each file is readable and can be used. The team has a goal of scanning 700,000 images every day...there are anywhere from 500-600 images per film....crazy

Then I was interview by 3 of my potential peers, which I thought was an interesting way to do things...and they asked me lots of questions and even started the interview with a prayer, which I thought was awesome. (yes...it's a division of the LDS Church)

Basically, I'll have to really rely on Heavenly Father for this job. I don't have a car and will absolutely need one for this job. So, I know that, if I get it, Some how, some way things will work out. And if I don't, well...then the time just wasn't right, you know?

On wednesday, I had an interview with Convergys....*GULP* Not excited, and, just like I thought, they hired me on the spot. I took a drug test later that day and turned the paperwork back in. Bah...I know that this is a means to...whatever I need. Best case scenario? It's a paycheck until I find something better. Worst case scenario? I can suck it up and hack it as long as I need to. It's a paycheck, and an ok one at that, so...for the time being my prayers have been answered. I just hope I don't have to work there for very long!

Anyway, that's the update on the job front. I am Jane is over with, and it's bittersweet, and not for reasons you may think, but I'm not going to go into that now. I am thankful for the experience, despite everything. NOW...I can focus 100% on Mission! And I cannot wait! I'm so excited for this show...like, so excited! If you missed it last year, you have a 6 week run to catch it. And I think you'll like it. =) I love my cast, they are so amazing and so much fun and we haven't even really met yet! This will be fantastic. So fantastic. Huzzah!

Take It Easy

2010-07-19T22:53:00.003-06:00

Had a good weekend.

Saw a play twice.
Got to skip rehearsal once.
Got to lend a hand or two on saturday.
got to fast for someone.
got to attend church.
Used my crockpots.
Changed my attitude.
Felt really loved...from lots of places.
Really enjoyed a sunday school lesson I didn't teach twice in a row.
took a few naps
got left some delicious chocolate on my doorstep which I got to share with a friend

GOT THE SECOND INTERVIEW!!!!!!!!

Wish me luck tomorrow! It's at noon...pray for me like you've never prayed before...I know this will be an amazing opportunity!

So Far From Home

2010-07-16T00:05:00.002-06:00

wow...

It's been a fantastic day...I had a read through with the Mission Cast I have so far and it was awesome...words cannot describe how freaking excited I am! Everyone really liked the script and the music...a LOT. Jed and Eric are so freaking talented...I'm so excited for this chance to do this show again...

Then, I got home and Eric had emailed me the demo of the solo I have right before my son comes home from war...um, yeah...FREAKING AMAZING...like, I may or may not already have parts of it memorized and have been listening to it on repeat since I got it...*SIGH* Oh man I am sooooooo excited...I can barely concentrate!

I am sewing in a "sweat shop" again tomorrow and, hopefully, saturday...cha CHING! Finally, some cash flow. I should get a check on Monday or so...

And I'm keeping my fingers crossed about a position at the freaking LDS CHURCH GRANITE MOUNTAIN VAULT! I would be an entry level archivist...can you say DREAM JOB!?!?!?!?!?!? Yeah...pray for me! I should get a phone call about it tomorrow or monday and the interview would be next tues or thurs...it's a secure facility so they conducted my first interview when they called me this morning....

Yesterday I got to spend some time with katie duh. She came over to bake in AC cooled apt and lost her vigor, so I made the lemon bars for her and we promptly ate half the pan...lol. They were GOOOOOOOD. And then we watched some Toddlers & Tiaras (separate blog about THAT later...) and just had a grand ole time. I love when people come to visit. =)

And DeeDee and heather dropped by on tues night. DD and I played a little rockband and had some pecan buttermilk brownies...yum!

oh man...life is GOOOD.

did I mention life is GOOOOOOOOOOOOD?!?!

(Coffee's For Closers)

2010-07-14T08:47:00.002-06:00

Don't have a ton of time but I will say things are looking up.

I have a lead on an interview with Sonic thanks to my friend Emilie who works there. Again, it's not my first choice but if the wage is good, I'll take it for now.

I went to the temple last night with my friend and it was awesome. We finished the rest of my dad's work (He wouldn't do a session for him unless I was there) and being there I had a LOT of time to ponder and read scriptures and such. I was feeling a little bit guilty for waiting so long to do the rest of his work and while I was in the Celestial room, after I had finished praying, I picked up a bible and flipped to Matthew where Christ gives a parable about how some were told to labor in the vineyard for a price. And others were given the same deal, to labor in the vineyard for a price only it was at the 11th hour. The ones who had been laboring all day were angry that the latecomers got the same deal as they but Christ responded with, basically, what does it matter as long as they labor? Many are called but few are chosen.

I took that to mean that it didn't matter how long it took me to finish his work; all that mattered was that it was done. =)

Today I have a temp job sewing on buttons for this place that needs to replace a ton of buttons on a shipment they received from china.

Then Katie is coming over to Bake and then we're going to our ward Slip N Slide activity...should be a fun day!

Can't Fight This Feeling

2010-07-13T13:34:00.002-06:00

blarg.

I have great weekends like I just had and then....days like yesterday. I think being unemployed is driving me insane. and making me slightly depressed.

I got out of bed yesterday with the best of intentions. And fairly early...aka 9am...but then I made the mistake of laying back down to plan my day and...voila...it was all of a sudden 1030a. Well, there goes my desire to go running. I need to go before 10a, preferably at 8, if I want to make it home before I pass out from the heat of the noon day sun. And then I had NO desire to do ANYTHING. Nada. I ate some leftovers, because that's pretty much all I do these days, and watched a little TV with the intention of working out via DVD. Then I played some rockband. And never left my apartment. Not even to check the mail. Sad. I hope days like that aren't the norm in the coming days..

and then I got spurge of energy and filled out job applications on line unti 230a. I filled out applications for the LDS Church, for Dollar General stores, for Sonic, etc. I NEED A FREAKING JOB! I'm trying to be patient. I know that the blessing I got on sunday told me to hang in there for just a little while longer...and I'm trying not to worry about how I'm going be able to get the money to move out (or find the courage to ask if I can just be lazy and sign a contract for another year here...) and I'm trying not to worry about not being able to buy groceries. I'm not starving, I have food, but I try not to think about how much longer it will last. I'm trying really hard to have faith and patience and be diligent. But...some days, like yesterday...trying doesn't seem to be enough.

Today is shaping up to be a bit better. I think my body has finally recovered from not getting sleep on sat night. I feel refreshed. and I have a good lead for a quick temp job that I will be doing tomorrow, and hopefully the rest of the week. And I helped my friend Emilie navigate Provo and got free lunch at sonic for it...and hopefully, a lead on a job as a manager there. That would be nice, not ideal, but nice. I'll take what I can get at this point.

And..yeah...filling out MORE applications today. With convergys...and TJ Maxx...and KMart...blarg...it never ends.

But..I am going to the temple this week and, hopefully, I'll have some of my own names to do.

And I'm trying not to think about how I'm having a hard time casting Mission with people who fit the roles I am seeking. I am trying not to think about the possibility of not being able to count on help from someone I thought I was going to be able to count on for this show. I'm trying not to think about how I have lost all interest in I Am Jane. My insecurities are rearing their ugly heads with that show and if it weren't for my loyalty to my producer, I would probably not be doing it. But...I'm trying not to think about that.

Here's hoping this week ends better than it began.

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

2010-07-12T12:33:00.002-06:00

Had a great weekend!

Saturday, had auditions for Mission. Didn't get a TON of people out but I'm still optimistic. =)

Then, hung out with Matt and Ana and Danny. Had a blast. We played 5 crowns and watched the Old Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. ( freaking LOVE that movie!) We didn't finish it, though, because I had to come home and prepare my sunday school lesson. It was awesome! It was on the book of Psalms and, since I had stayed up talking to a friend until 5am, I only had 2 hours of sleep so I was extra emotional/weepy/sensitive but I was really happy with my lesson. I thought it went well.

In my lesson, we talked about the book of Psalms and how it was written by King David, after his indiscretion with Bathsheba. And how the book of Psalms glorifies the Lord and the many things with which he had been blessed King David. How he sung praises of his goodness and mercy and love. And it was so touching to me to read these beautiful words, especially after learning how David had to face the consequences of his actions and knowing he KNEW of the mercy and forgiveness of the Lord because he had lived it.

And then, we had a great lesson in RS about the Priesthood. But probably what really got me thinking was a quick lesson one of our Stake Relief Society Presidency gave. She talked about being invisible. And how that's not a bad thing. She talked about the many people it took to build the Salt lake Temple and how we probably couldn't name a single who helped cut out the stone and what not. And then she read a scripture: Mosiah 5:15 which reads-

15 Therefore, I would that ye should be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in ^agood works, that Christ, the ^bLord God Omnipotent, may ^cseal you his, that you may be brought to heaven, that ye may have everlasting salvation and eternal life, through the wisdom, and power, and justice, and mercy of him who ^dcreated all things, in heaven and in earth, who is God above all. Amen

And she talked about what it means to be steadfast and immovable. And I thought Wow...that's what I need to be. I need to be an anchor and a better example to my friends and really take that scripture to heart. She talked about how we have so many people wanting us to be strong and who are cheering for us. Like those on the other side of the veil....like the spirits who are waiting to become our children. I need to be that person. I need to be better at being me. I need to constantly strive to be the best person I have the potential to be. Become that person.

Then came home and slept and then made dinner with DeeDee and Heather. We had salad and Spaghetti. (I'll post the sauce recipe...yuM!) and then I made an AMAZING sheet cake. Texas Sheet Cake. I used the recipe posted on my friend Tatum's Cake blog. She is fantastic and super talented, and she posted a recipe for Texas Sheet cake. I ran out of butter after the cake so made frosting with cocoa, powdered sugar, buttermilk and chopped pecans. WOW...it is SO decadent and rich and delicious! Here is the link to Tatum's blog with the recipe. I HIGHLY recommend it!

I played a little rockband with Rob and then went to bed. It was a great day and I feel so blessed to have the amazing influences in my life that I do. They are such good examples to me and such strong people. I love my ward and my bishopric. They are so sweet and so wonderful. It was just a great weekend. =)

AND NOW...for my pasta sauce recipe! DRUM ROLL....

1 small can of tomato sauce
2 small cans of diced tomatoes
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 TBSP of italian seasoning
1 tsp salt & pepper
1 tsp ground red pepper
1 small onion, red or yellow, chopped
1 bell pepper, any color, chopped
Mushrooms ( optional)
2 TBSP Red Wine Vinegar or Balsamic Vinegar
3 TBSP Olive Oil
1/4 c Brown Sugar
1lb of extra lean ground beef

Saute peppers and onions in olive oil. When they start to sweat, add the garlic. Saute for a few more minutes, then add the ground beef and saute until beef is browned.
If using mushrooms, add them.
Add tomato sauce and tomatoes, vinegar, sugar and seasonings. stir and bring to boil. reduce heat, then simmer for 10-20 minutes or until flavors have blended well. Add more salt and pepper, vinegar, oil and sugar, if needed, until a good flavor is achieved (I'm estimating exact measurements...I usually just dump stuff in until it tastes delicious...=)
Serve over your favorite whole wheat pasta. =)

Enjoy! And let me know if you make it and how it turned out!

Paparazzi

2010-07-08T21:23:00.002-06:00

Blurg...I've, ever so grudgingly, acquiesced to downloading itunes for a few reasons, the main one being I got a LOT of music (ok, ok...just 2 GB or so but when I only have about 40GB of music, it's a LOT!) from Krystle and can't play most of it without downloading MFING itunes...grr...so, I just converted...sort of...and am hanging my head in shame....

Also, I've also acquiesced to liking Kesha...but only because her music reminds me of Krystle and Felecia...*SNIFF* They will, hopefully, be my new roommates in the fall...where, exactly, we're living is yet to be determined.

And...I've also condescended to like Lady Gaga...grr...I just can't get some of her songs out of my head...lol...I DEFINITELY blame Cougar Bait for THAT one. =P

I wanna go skanky club dancing! For reals...I get the urge every once in a blue moon and now I have one.

UM...Miss Katie duh...WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!?!? Where did your bloggy blog go? I can't live without it!

I've gotten quite the creative streak going lately and I've got this uncontrollable urge to write a screenplay, but not just the one with Eric. My own. Hrmmm....

I think that is all for now....filled out several job applications today. Keeping fingers crossed!

First Recipe: Dana's Salsa

2010-07-08T14:54:00.002-06:00

So...I have been wanting to write down my recipes so I'm starting with the most popular...lol

And without further ado:

Dana's Fabulous Salsa

1 small RED onion, finely diced
8 roma tomatoes, finely diced
1-3 jalepenos, seeds & pith Discarded, finely diced
Juice of 3 med Limes
1 clove of garlic, minced
1 bunch of fresh cilantro, finely chopped
1 tsp ground cumin
Salt & Pepper to taste
2 fresh mangoes, diced (Optional, though VERY delish!)

Combine all ingredients and let sit in the refrigerator to let the flavors meld together. Perfect with chips or tacos. Keeps well in the fridge. Enjoy!

Super Massive Black hole

2010-07-06T15:13:00.002-06:00

by Muse Is pretty much the SEXIEST song I can think of...for reals...

And, it PROBABLY, maybe has something do with that one time I went to Karaoke at Applebees with Cougar Bait and Carolyn and he sang it on stage...and...yeah...it was hot as hell. End of story...oh...it's been a long time since then. lol

and the lyrics? Hmmm....

"I thought I was a fool for no one but ooh baby I'm a fool for you..."

"Ooh baby don't you know I suffer....ooh Baby can't you hear me moan?"

yeah...HOT

That is all...

oh, and I made some fabulous spaghetti with whole wheat pasta...

I've decided to try to turn some of the things I make into actual recipes and post them....what do ya'll think? My pasta sauce, my Thai pineapple curry...my salsa and guacamole...let me know!

I Can't Stay Away...

2010-07-05T22:00:00.003-06:00

"I come to play cause I can't stay away..."

One of my favorite Veronica's songs....

anywho...wow...as mentioned earlier, I had a great weekend.

I'm excited for several reasons, namely MISSION is starting soon. I really love the music and I'm excited to be doing another show with a good, uplifting message. One that's 100% applicable. I have high hopes for this show and I pray I will find a good cast to really bring it to life on stage. (And I want it to be something Eric and Jed are proud of, one that really showcases their original concept...it's only the second time it's ever been produced, so those are big shoes to fill but I know I can do it!) If I get the people I hope to get in some of the parts, oh..it WILL be amazing!

I'm also excited to be collaborating with Andrew & Eric on a Halloween-themed play. We've committed to writing it this summer, preferably before August starts, so I'm really excited. I feel like the 3 of us have complimentary strengths to make up one really great writer, so here's to new ventures!

I have some goals for the summer, whether or not I get a job anytime soon; call it a mini 101 for 101 days...(And yes, Ms. Duh...I will be updating my list in the next week or so...I know you've been wanting me to...) Here are my goals for the summer:

Utilize the German Language program I purchased at the BYU bookstore for $8 3 months ago...it's a great program that should get me to where I need to be to finish my German track for my degree.
Finish a complete 90 days of P90x
Finally work up to a Half Marathon...even if that means running to play practice in Lindon (Approx 7.3 miles...)
Memorize my lines for "See How They Run" and complete my character work BEFORE we do our first read-through in August.
Compete in a singing competition of some kind
write lyrics to a complete song.
Get SCARY good on Rockband drums...and not just for a girl...=P
Do more temple work for ancestors
Go to the temple at LEAST twice a month and renew my recommend before it expires August 22nd.
Attend a session at both the Draper and Oquirrh Mountain temples
Read All 7 Harry Potter Books & the Twilight Saga...My pride can only last so long before it becomes outright ridiculousness...=D
write my own screenplay or finish my old one...

Ambitious for only...oh...I don't know...I'm gonna say "Summer" ends on Sept 20 since Sept 21st is the Vernal Equinox (IE when Fall officially starts...) so that gives me...hrmm....roughly 75 days...I can do it!

I just need to be more productive with my freetime, which I seem to have in abundance these days. And, the obvious one, is to secure a job...and actively pursue it...

and can I just say, completely unrelated, that I hate when I wax insecure but I am grateful for good friends who A. Recognize when I'm being insecure, and B. deal with the situation in a productive, uplifting manner...That is all....I have good friends. =)

Take a Bow

2010-07-04T01:23:00.002-06:00

so I went leafing through my blogs from last July so I could remember what I did LAST 4th of july...I realize it's only the 3rd but it IS Utah, so the whole state celebrated today.

As mentioned before, I Stayed up late, lounged in the sun, then I made a cake (It was FANTASTIC...Texas Sheet Cake!) and then played with my friends the rest of the evening. Christian had a BBQ and it was awesome. We laughed rather heartily most of the night. As it got dark, we went back to 117 and Rob came and got us and we, after loading the back of his truck with couch cushions and a bean bag chair, we watched the stadium of fire fireworks from the parking lot across the street. And, cheesy I know, I sat there with Eric, Tom, Brandon, Rob and Lisa and thought life pretty much doesn't get better than this, right here, right now. Then we went back to 117 and played Rockband, which was fun.

And I spent the last hour "leafing" through my blogs from last summer. Man...I LOVE my freaking life. Even though it full of a few uncertainties, I have some of the most amazing friends, it has to be said over and over again...truly. I am so blessed with the unbelievable people who surround me, and care about me and watch out for me. And I love that this summer is filled with a lot of what made last summer so fun, but in a different way.

Father's day came and went...I freaked out a little bit the day before or so at I Am Jane backstage, but other than that, I was fine. *SNIFF* Still miss Him like crazy...can't believe it's only been 3 years.

and I've been blogging like a MAD woman! I realized tonight I've only written 43 since 2010 started, so I guess I'm making up for lost time. =)

And I MIGHT be developing a new hopeless crush...lol...what am I thinking? Seriously...

I need to go to bed, but Happy fourth of July...hope you had fun. I know I did. Loving my crazy, ridiculous friends...all of them. =)

I'm not that girl....

2010-07-03T17:03:00.004-06:00

wanna know the epitome of a song that describes my love life to this point?

"I'm Not That Girl"
from Wicked...

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

Harden My Heart

2010-07-03T15:30:00.003-06:00

Just listening to my obsession, aka Rock of Ages...

excite for the weekend. Went to lunch yesterday with Matt, which was fun. I'm liking this new tradition, Mr. Messerly...=)

went hiking with Heather and jasper...had a blast and found a GREAT camping spot!

Saw Clash of the Titans with Rob, Enoch, Tom, Eric and Lisa...oh man..it was fabulously Craptastic! you know..one of those movies that's so bad it's great? yeah...

played rockband until maybe 6am...slept til 10 am and lounged in the pool for 3 hours...going to a BBQ hosted by my friend Christian at 6...pretty much the best day ever...love love love Holiday weekends!

One Day..

2010-07-01T21:03:00.002-06:00

some time in the near future...

in a not so distant land...

It will be my turn. =)

Until then...

Living life to the fullest...

I've got you...on my mind...

2010-06-28T17:57:00.002-06:00

blah!

so...I've had SEVERAL thoughts swarming around my head lately that I MUST get off my chest...

A: COMMERCIALS I HATE...

there are two commercials that make me squirm in my seat and want to gouge out my eyes.

that stupid Schick Lady...Trimmer...you know...with the faceless women walking past...bushes that change shape? BAH! I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE SHAPES PEOPLE SHAVE INTO THINGS! I'M PRETTY SURE NO ONE DOES! Seriously...it makes me squirm every freaking time it comes on...
That stupid Motorola Backflip commercial or whatever the hell it is that streams facebook and twitter live...I am having enough issues dealing with my facebook addictions, I freaking HATE twitter with a passion (So much so that I am considering unfriending on facebook ANYONE who regularly updates their statuses with their *&^%^#@ Tweets...ooh...annoyance...) and I can't imagine the sad, sorry human being who needs them constantly updating on their cell phone...I go mad getting the occasional text messages from facebook saying that someone added me...ridiculous...

so...speaking of facebook...there is this friend I used to hang out with a lot but don't really anymore whom I stalk on facebook...quite a lot...and I am becoming more and more convinced that this friend is seriously 3 years, 4 shows, & 10 new best girl friends away from being completely, flamboyantly, limp-wristedly gay....no, seriously....love this person as I do, It's the truth...and I GUARANTEE it has 100% to do with the people this person chooses to surround themselves with these days...*SHUDDER* oh well...it's not MY life, right? Here's hoping my instincts are wrong on this one...but seriously...I've had more than one best "friend" who is now rather Out & About and LOVING. IT...here's hoping I'm wrong!

I am getting more and more excited for the fall! What with Mission coming up soon and then playing my dream role in See How They Run in November? *SIGH* man oh man...I freaking can not wait!

and what's with all these people 10 years younger than I, or more in some cases, getting married this fall? One of the girls I used to NANNY, 8 years ago now is getting married in september...BAH! She'll always be 11 to me!

So I may or may not watch quite a bit of reality p*o*r*n on E!...I know, I know...skip the lectures, I'm considering seeing a therapist about it...at any rate, here is another pet peeve of mine and it doesn't come from JUST the RP on E!...WOMEN WHO SPEAK IN BABY-TALK, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY TALK TO THEIR MEN OR MEN THEY WANT TO DATE...

for the 2 guys who religiously read this blog...is that even REMOTELY a turn on? WHY is this a trend? I've noticed it creeping into chicks I pass on the street or on the bus...It nauseates me to no end and I can't imagine why any man would want the self-respecting woman he is dating to talk like that!?!?!?!?! Not to mention the fact that I find it belittling to the men they speak to, it pretty much renders the feminist movement completely useless. Seriously...not that I'm a raging, flannel-shirt-wearing-Man-Hater-Feminist or anything, but come on, Ladies...SURELY you can snag a man by other means? Seriously?

WHEW! That was a LOT of the stuff that's been bouncing around in my head and keeping me up at night...

too Much Time on My Hands

2010-06-17T13:19:00.002-06:00

Bah..

Yeah...I didn't run my half marathon for several reasons, the main one being I haven't had time to train in the last month. I've gone running a few times, but fell off the wagon when I started leaving the house at 8a and not coming home til midnight...hard to fit in a workout.

I have p90x but I manage to remember to do a workout once a week if I'm lucky. Grr...

Well, took my measurements today and I've gained an inch, almost everywhere! BAH! Yeah...time to kick my rump into gear while I have a little freetime. I'm completely frustrated...and things are going to change..

on another note, the run has been going well. Wish we could have bigger audiences but my friends who have seen it have loved it. hard to believe all this work comes down to only having 4 more performances left! Til July! Time freaking flies...

Saw a long lost friend last week...Matt tex mexed me out of the blue and took me to lunch on thursday. It was so good to see him..we had some pizza, caught up and had a good time. Me must do it again, Mister...=)

Sunday was the Tony Awards...Miss Katie duh came over and, along with my friend Krystle, we watched the awards. It was fun! We may or may not have polished off a 5lb bag of pizza rolls...Hey! I said may OR may not have...just sayin...lol...

I've decided to enter a vocal competition...and I'm auditioning for the Pioneer Theater company next friday...hey...it's the closest I'll ever get to Broadway and I figure I have absolutely nothing to lose! Awesome, no? I think so...

Not sure what I will do with my evenings next week...oh, wait..I know...I'll be getting ready to start Mission in July! AUGH! So stoked!

All for now...

Sister Christian

2010-06-13T00:50:00.002-06:00

AUGH!!!!

This is my first, real review and it's a great one! Granted, it's just for a play I'm in, and not necessarily for me specifically, but I'm stoked nonetheless...

UTAH THEATER BLOGGERS ASSOCIATION

so...go support them...leave a comment on this review! thanks!

Diary of Jane

2010-06-09T15:17:00.002-06:00

today was freaking fantastic! Why? Because I did, in essence, nothing. =) I got to actually clean my kitchen! I got to make some cornbread...in my underwear...listening to music on my laptop...I got to facebook. I'm going to be so energized for tonight! I got to sleep IN..til NOON! My eyes didn't pop open at 6am for once! HUZZAH!

Last night was...good...and interesting...but good. I'm having so much fun with my cast. They are such cool people.

I REALLY need to stop eating the cornbread I made for food props in the show...lol...it's just to delish!

Mmmm...chocolate milk...

I have discovered a few bands because of pandora: Lacuna Coil, Breaking Benjamin, Plumb, and 3 Days Grace...they are quite enjoyable to listen to...and, of course, I'm still obsessed with Rock of Ages...

I run my half marathon on sat and I haven't been training...I'm gonna go and see how long I last. =)

Now...if I can just go grocery shopping and job hunting, I"ll be feeling good!

AND can I just say I have the most supportive friends in the world? They come see each and every play I'm in, no matter how crappy..I love it! Well, I'll be in plays til november! So...get excited! =D

Heaven/More Than Words/Just to Be With You...

2010-06-08T10:30:00.005-06:00

so...Yesterday was very surreal...

I was up at 7...showered and out the door by 735 and at the theater b y 845a...did some organizing of costumes til lunch then sat in the green room with my machine doing projects...listening to music on my Laptop and singing along. All of a sudden I hear my name and, I swear to you, it sounded like my dad...the way he used to bellow it when I was occupied with other stuff. It was just my producer, but seriously...I could have sworn it was my dad...and then I sat down at my sewing machine and wept...I felt my dad's spirit so strongly for, like, half an hour. It was surreal. And Amazing. And special.

Then my producer came in and showed me this copy of a picture of Jane manning James that her descendant Lewis had given him. and I was fighting tears...It was such a sweet picture, one I had never seen before. And when he left, I sat at my sewing machine and wept. (Seriously, I don't know how I got ANYTHING done yesterday!) And I swear I felt her spirit around me. Just...this happy grateful feeling...it was surreal. And Amazing. And special.

I knew I had to say a few words when the cast gathered at her gravesite later that day...so I tried to get in a proper mindset, one that was conducive to the spirit, by listening to some Mark Schultz. And...I just wept. Ridiculous, I know. But my patriarchal blessing tells me I will feel the spirit of the lord upon me like a well of living water, and yesterday was probably one of the first times in my life that that has come true.

The gravesite was a special thing. Bearing my testimony to my castmates was a special thing. I wish more of us had been there, but it was really amazing to meet one of Jane's great great grandsons...and to look at the gravesites of Jane, Isaac, and some of her children, ones that are mentioned in the play...it makes it so much more real to me that we are portraying real people..who's spirits are with us.

I can't say enough about how special this play is. It's not just another play. It's an amazing story of some amazing people. Who's lives need to not be forgotten. And I"m so humbled I get to take part...

**The title is one of my favorite songs from "Rock of Ages"...it's what I'm listening to right now and it's a perfect title to this post...

High Enough

2010-05-31T11:30:00.004-06:00

Oh, man...oh MAN!

This was an amazing weekend! friday rehearsal was awesome and then Eric, Tom, and my friend, soon-to-be-roomie Felecia and I went to Village Inn. Then Felecia and I came back and she helped me with a sewing project for the play. I stayed up til 5am sewing.

Saturday rehearsal was awesome. Then Eric, our friend Will, his girlfriend and his brother all went to see STYX, FOREIGNER, & and KANSAS! We left rehearsal later than we had planned so we missed most of kansas. We did, however, get to hear "Carry On Wayward Son" which was really all we wanted. Foreigner took the stage and they were a lot of fun to watch. We had lawn seats, it was all general admission, and they were pretty close. But there was this really tall guy who kept standing on something to take video of the concert and he was really in the way. Annoyed the crap out of me. So after not being able to see much for the first song of Styx, I took off in search of a better place to watch the concert.

I weasled my way down to the front, pretty close to their awesome keyboardist (Eric had told me about him..he has this keyboard that spins around on a platform...awesome!). Then I tex mexed Eric and told him where I was. ( I really was pretty darn close...I could see the band really clearly and there were prob about only 10-12 rows of people in front of me...)

AND THEN....Tommy Shaw, who's an original member, had also played with Damn Yankees. Well, my favorite Damn Yankees song, and also favorite song on the Rock of Ages Soundtrack, is "High Enough" and he, Tommy Shaw, starts saying he's heard this song everywhere lately and he hopes we won't mind if we play it. AND THEN HE PROCEEDS TO PLAY HIGH ENOUGH!!! I went ballistic and screamed along at the top of my lungs! Oh...it was bliss! so awesome.

Then, Eric found me and we watched most of Styx from a really great place! So cool...seriously, they were amazing live and I Loved every song! and then...they ended with Come Sail Away, which is freaking fantastic..and then...they came back with an encore of BLUE COLLAR MAN & RENEGADE!!!!!! AUGH! The Best freaking encore ever...

We found tickets on KSL for $20 so it was sooooooo worth it! Oh, man...best concert ever!

Then, Sunday, Eric and I visited a Black Baptist church for our play that we're in. It was awesome. The Sermon was about putting on the whole armour of god and it was really enlightening. Very very cool. Then we went to church. Then I took a nap and fell asleep watching a Law & Order SVU marathon. Freakin awesome. I love that show! Then There was a fireside that night with some of the cast members and a man named Darius Gray. Wow...really amazing. He talked about Jane manning James and a few others and it was so Spiritual and so wonderful and exactly what I needed to hear to carry me into Hell week with the show! Then, hung out with Tom for a bit and they left me to play rockband by my lonesome, which I didn't mind. I can't wait til I live with Krystle and can get really good on drums. (She has a wii...hmm...wonder if I can get her to bring it down here? =)

Then, I stayed up til 5am sewing and making pies for my friend Enoch's annual Memorial day BBQ. I'll post the recipe when I figure it out...I'm calling it paradise pie...it has a pastry crust, a bottom layer of cream cheese, powdered sugar and fresh champagne mangoes, a small layer of sliced banana, coconut cream pudding and topped with fresh whipped cream and shredded coconut...freaking fantastic. =)

And today I'm gonna finish sewing and watch more Law & Order SVU...maybe go grocery shopping and do my laundry. Basically, a perfect calm weekend before the storm that is Hell week...t-minus one week til Jane opens! If you live in UT and want tickets, leave me a comment. I have about 20 comps but they are ONLY for June 8th, next tues. Let me know if you want to come see it!

The Search is Over....

2010-05-28T14:31:00.002-06:00

I wish...I'm just listening to Rock of Ages right now...I heart that musical!

Well, the laptop is fixed...it had this weird sleep mode that I didn't realize was on...annoying but at least now I know how to work it..lol

um...seriously...Rock of Ages you blow my mind...if you love 80's rock at ALL you'll fall in love with it as much I am...and their act II finale of "Don't Stop Believing" trumps anything produced by GLEE, let me tell you!

but you have to get to that kick ass guitar solo at the VERY VERY End..like after the song "ends"...seriously...amazing...

anywho, Laptop is fixed and I can actually do some work. I have some sewing to do for the show, too and I need to spend a few days in salt lake hanging up posters and such. I'm stoked...=)

anyway, loving the weather...I love the storms and such...it's awesome. Makes me homesick. Even with the snow...=)

Come to Jesus and Cornbread

2010-05-27T10:59:00.002-06:00

So...rehearsal last night was rather fulfilling. I really feel like I'm seeing something evolve before my eyes. And our props are growing! Our director has been antiquing and wow...we have some great things, both on loan and purchased, that will be dressing our set. I get chills thinking about recreating Mid 19th century Utah on our stage.

The more I learn about Jane Manning James, the closer I feel to her. She truly is an inspiration. I feel her presence in certain scenes that I watch Tamu and Keith acting out. It will be very surreal once we get costumes and the set, I just know it. I am touched during specific scenes...to tears, usually...I'm so proud of this cast. They truly are wonderful. I admire those in charge, Keith Tamu Lisa...they really have a huge burden on their shoulders, especially Keith, and I am doing everything in my power to make this endeavor worth their while. I really can't wait for ya'll to see this show. It's the most special thing I have ever been a part of and I can't reiterate enough how humbled I am to be a part of it.

I had the opportunity to attend a baptist church in Salt Lake where the dominant race was African American with some of my castmates. It was quite fun. Seriously...I grinned from ear to ear the whole time. One of our castmates, she plays the Mother, attends the church and she was so proud to have us as her guests.

Eric was out of town last week so we're going again on sunday. He'll get a big kick out of it. Anyone wanna join? *COUGH AMBER SHIMP COUGH*

I'm currently babysitting at Beki's and making cornbread for rehearsal tonight..not sure how it will turn out because I had to make some substitutions...yeah...could be intriguing..oh, well. That's what I get for baking in someone else's kitchen! So...I basically couldn't find baking powder and looked up substitutions. One of them was a 1/3 c molasses and a 1/4tsp bking soda. So I decreased the milk by 1/3 and added the molasses, thinking it would be really sweet. (It already had 2 tbsp of honey in it) it was a dark yellow color and it cooked up just fine! Here is the recipe in case you wanna try it:

2 c Cornmeal

1tsp salt

3/4 tsp baking soda

2/3 c milk

2 tbsp honey

1/3 c molasses

1 c creamed corn (I just threw a can of corn in the blender after draining some of the liquid)

2 eggs

2 TBSP canola oil.

Take a cast Iron skillet (I used a glass baking dish) and put it in the oven as it heats up to 425 degrees.

mix dry ingredients. in a separate bowl, mix honey, molasses, corn, and eggs. Add dry ingredients and mix JUST UNTIL combined, don't over mix or it won't rise. Add the oil to the hot pan and pour in batter (yes it will sizzle and crackle, so don't worry)

Let bake for 18-20 minutes. Spread with honey butter and serve warm!

I promise not to make every blog about the play, but it's such a HUGE part of my life right now I can't really help it. I long to finish 24. I long to play some rockband. I long to have an evening to myself so I can go out on a date. (Ahem...we may or not discuss that later...Let's just say when there is something to discuss, I'll discuss it. Sufficeth to say, I've reconnected with an old friend and I'm...optimistic...but he lives in Ogden and it's been a pain trying to match our schedules up. ;) BUT...all the sacrifices I am making are MORE than worth it. And the people with which I get the privilege of working are just awesome.

I love the direction that my life is headed, even if I can't see where it will end up. All I know is I am so excited for...uh oh...I better get to the 3 year old...i heard a thud and asked what she was doing. She said "Nuh fing..." I asked her "what are you doing? it's not nothing..." "Uh...Sumfing..." yeah...til tomorrow!

Jane tix info

2010-05-24T17:04:00.002-06:00

HUZZAH! Blessings in disguise!

2010-05-24T15:24:00.003-06:00

Man..It has been a ridiculously crazy few days! Well, weekend, really...

So I go to work on friday and, after working a full day and doing an event that I was QUITE proud of (kids could make their own kites that actually flew), My boss calls me in to talk to me. He's a new store director who's been here less than a month and is obsessed with cutting the labor budget to where it's supposed to be. He's nice enough, but doesn't seem to communicate well enough what he actually wants from everyone.

See, here's a side note, LAST friday, a week ago or so, he calls me into his office to discuss expectations from me. That was fine. He wanted me to tidy up my office, um...yeah...there were some papers strewn on my desk...that was about all that was my "mess", and to adhere to the schedule that I set for myself. All fair. He also wanted me to give him a list of my expected duties and when I am supposed to accomplish them on a daily basis. Hello, I'm an event planner. My days vary. There are certain things that need to be done on a weekly basis, like hanging the ads in the bathrooms, and on a monthly basis, like picking employee of the month and taking their pictures, etc, but my day honestly varies. It completely depends on the week and what events I have planned and how much prep time they require. Kids events require about an hour of prep. Recipe demos require several hours depending on the recipe. It varies, which I tried to tell him.

Fast forward to last friday, a week later. See, the employee of the month receives $50 in cash now, instead of a gift card. I realized that the month was half over and I hadn't taken the girl's picture yet. So, while I was at it, I got her $50 out and went to give it to her, but she was already gone home for the day. I believe this was friday or saturday or something. I put the money in my apron, put my apron in my file cabinet in my office and went home for the weekend. I get a call on my day off asking about the $50. I tell my office manager that it was for the employee of the month and she said that they already gave it to her. Oh, whoops! No one told me that. I can just do a paid in when I get back or she can just go grab it out of my apron in my office. No big deal. Or so I thought.

Now, finally, to last friday. I get called into the office. My store director tells me that there is an integrity issue about this $50 incident. I could have gotten the money out, "borrowed" it, then brought it back when I could pay it back. I see his point and it's very valid except for one small detail: THE MONEY NEVER LEFT MY OFFICE! EVER! He says something like "Well, I'd like to believe that but I'm afraid it's out of my hands. It's a terminable offense, so effective immediately, I have to let you go. You can have some time to clean out our office" Yeah...He could have EASILY put tighter restrictions on the paid outs that I get but NOOOOO...he decides that this is a way to save $400/wk in his labor budget because he can't really see the benefits of having events in the store, or at least someone to oversee them. Ridiculous.

So...I am out of a job. Whatever.

I go to rehearsal that night and I'm helping my producer, who also plays a leading role, with his lines and I start bawling in the middle of the scene. I'm like "sorry...It's been a crappy day.." After he was done with the scene, he hugs me and asks me if I would like a blessing. I'm like "Yes, please" He then asks me what happened and I tell him that I lost my job today. And then he gives me an amazing blessing. He talks about how this was an incident where one person's agency was exercised to make a selfish choice and that choice affected me. (Pretty much exactly what I had thought) and that I would be blessed almost immediately with an even better opportunity. That, ironically, this situation would really bless me in the long run. And a host of other really amazing things. So awesome.

Then, at the end of rehearsal, my producer talks to me and said he had just gotten an idea. He wanted to hire me to do marketing and promotions for the I Am Jane show as well as the book he's currently writing about his life. (He's an amazing man. He's a criminal lawyer in Salt Lake and he's also the first black man to graduate from BYU Law School) He was like "tell me what you need to get by on a monthly basis...I want to make sure you're taken care of for June and July". So...yeah...technically I have a job? I guess? I'm doing some things like sending out letters inviting some of the larger businesses in the area to the show and other things like that. He even bought me a laptop to use so that I can work from home and carry it to other places when I need to work where he's located. AUGH! I'm excited. I'm typing from it as we speak. =)

so, today I started an address database and will work on getting letters in the mail by Wednesday. And we have rehearsal tonight and all this week from 6p-11p...and I thought I was a slave driver with pinafore! lol.

Seriously, this show will be amazing. Seriously....make plans to see it!

Anyway, I have enough money coming in from my final paycheck, I Am Jane, and a modeling job I did for the church to cover my rent for the rest of the summer. I can also pay tithing on it. And between (hopefully) getting unemployment and whatever my producer ends up paying me for this new endeavor, I should be ok for the rest of the summer. I'm going to look for a job, but I feel like whatever I'm supposed to be doing next just might find me if I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing and it's a wonderful feeling.

I don't feel uncertain in the least. I feel unbelievably blessed...amazing.

I Am Jane...

2010-05-19T11:24:00.003-06:00

Here is the blog I have promised you all...

So...I have the most amazing opportunity to work on a production called "I Am Jane". It's about the life of Jane Manning James, a black LDS pioneer who was a close personal friend of Joseph Smith. She lived through the first 5 LDS prophets and never lost faith when all those close to her, did. Just google her name...you will find her story and just a snippet of the story we get to tell.

I feel so blessed to be a part of this production, and not just for temporal reasons. We will have the special opportunity to hold a dress rehearsal for some very special guests (*COUGH* LDS General Authorities *COUGH*) on June 8th, the 31st anniversary of the Priesthood revelation. Yeah...seriously amazing.

In a meeting we had last night after rehearsal, our producer talked about some of the things will we, no doubt, experience with this show. We are not the only people who want this story told. We will have help from beyond the veil. They want this story told as much as we do, if not more so. Listening to him speak, right then, the Spirit testified to me that what he was saying was true. I know it is.

I have been so humbled to be a part of this production. It hasn't been easy...I've had my share of inner struggles with negative feels creeping into my system. They pretty much peaked last week at rehearsal...BUT...I know that all the sacrifices I am making to be dedicated to this play, are worthwhile. I'm getting invaluable experience in an EXTREMELY professional production. (We'll just say the budget for this thing is several figures...seriously...) I'm making connections I couldn't have otherwise made. Our producer? Happens to be the first black man to graduate from BYU Law School. Seriously...words can't descibe how special this opportunity is.

I still can't believe I'm lucky enough to be a huge part of it. Aside from getting sing in a small group and the chorus, and be in a small scene, I am assistant stage managing, the official Dramaturg, and the Costume Mistress. Crazy. Now you know why I have't had the time to write! (well, my computer also died a while ago, so I'm left with doing what I can at work or on a friend's comp..)

AND...this show will be fantastic. The soloists...the actors...all are high quality people...most have either recorded music professionally or have been SAG actors for quite some time...several have done shows with the Hale in WVC and one is currently one of the 3 Musketeers in their current production.

SO...seriously, come see this show! We'll be performing in Salt Lake at the Grand Theatre starting June 8th and closing June 19th. We will then perform at the Covey Center starting July 19th and closing July 31st. Click on the link above to purchase tickets...FAN us ON FACEBOOK!

Help us spread the word about this show!

Seriously...I am so excited for this show. Seeing how much work we are all putting into it, wow...it's going to be AMAZING! Tickets are going fast, so click the link above and get them while you can!