Birthday blues

so it's been awhile I suppose.

quick catch up:

finished the show, finished the semester and had a long, luxurious christmas break. Started classes and love them all. Directing the Importance of Being Earnest and we open in 2 weeks! AUGH...also, Alex bought me a ticket to see Rock of Ages March 3 for my birthday and I cannot freaking wait!

My birthday is a week from today and for the first time in years I'm feeling blah about it. Not sure why...it's not my getting older just...I guess I feel like no one wants to celebrate with me and doesn't really care so why should I bother getting excited about it only to be let down? Whatever...guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. On that note, I haven't planned anything yet and not sure if I'm going to. Again, why bother? I'm sure everyone is too busy to bother. If I have money, I'll probably treat myself to dinner somewhere I guess.

Anyway, I get to direct the Diary of Anne Frank in September and I can. not. wait. Guess that's all for now. Sorry it's a little depressing.

Expecting there to be no drama in theater...

is kind of like walking into an ER and expecting there to be no blood.

=) my new favorite quote.

So...obviously, there was some drama this evening. And since it deals with someone (not me...shocking, right???) blogging about people in our cast (including me) and those people reading it (including me) I won't go into details here for fear of being a hypocrite.Sufficeth to say...thursday should be interesting.

that being said...the show is...interesting. There are good parts and there are painful parts. I'll post the review as soon as IT posts so you can see what I am talking about. I am having fun, or at least I was until tonight, and I'm with mostly friends. and there are possible opportunities. And I know who my REAL friends are after all this drama, they're the ones I pretty much knew about, which is AMAZINGLY comforting. Seriously. I have some really fantastic, wonderful people I get to call my friends and I love that. I have some fiercely loyal friends who won't put up with someone talking about me behind my back. i LOVE that even more!

I'm terribly behind in school. It's gonna take a miracle for me to catch up. please pray. lol. seriously.

I get to meet the guy who directed "Smoke Signals" tomorrow. I'm giddy with excitement! You better believe I will be slipping him my headshot and resume! Here's hoping he needs a fat kiowa to star in a film sometime in the near future!

My agent had a cancellation today and desperately needed a stand in for a film for TOMORROW who is black or dark complected, 6'-6'2" and very slender. AND SHE ONLY EMAILED ME TO SEE IF I KNEW ANYONE!!!!!!!! AND I DID!!!! AND HE GOT THE GIG!!!!! Holy cow...did my status with my agent just improve! Talk about awesome feeling!

trying to dwell on positives, so I will leave you with this:

Read this on my friend Alyssa's status and I want to make it my new motto, especially after tonight:

James 1:19 -  "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath"


yea...I need to work on that "wrath" part...=P

a little less sixteen candles...

a little more touch me...

some how managed to wake up at 755 on my own today...saints be praised!

GOing to work out and then do some sewing to figure out what other 2 costumes will be. I have 2 skirts...hrm...

Need to catch up on more homework still. I can't believe class ends next week..makes me a tad squeamish. =/

I need a frackin scale! or something consistent. I have no clue how much I weigh. grr

well, off to work out!

nobody's perfect...

and neither am I...I need to remember that this week!

It's hell week for A Christmas Carol...and, well, I have to say I'm a mite excited. I need to check my attitude more and be more positive. I know I can be a great example, I just haven't been doing that lately. I am committing these next few days to serving my castmates in every way I can imagine and focusing on loving all of them. And really focusing on what the story is about and the service we can provide to the community.

Pray I am successful! Cause...there are a LOT of things to be annoyed with!

That said, I am having fun and I enjoy being on stage. But I am getting that...itch...i NEED to direct a show...it's been over a year and I'm going through some SERIOUS withdrawls...and there are several friends who want me to direct...the question is where? I am praying for opportunities while staying true to my resolve. *SIGH* I'll take it as it comes...

I need a hero...

found sheet music to Bonnie Tyler's "Holdin out for a Hero" thanks to Thomas. Get to use it for an audition on saturday for Xanadu...lol. Should be interesting.

Well, life has calmed down. I need to get caught up but I'm doing ok. Thanksgiving break will be fun but I have no clue where I'm spending it. Story of my life. I have rehearsal friday night and sat morn so I can't stray TOO far but I hope to go somewhere.

Powwow was stressful but good. It made me appreciate all that Ken does for us even more. The man is amazing. He singlehandedly kept that powwow afloat. I almost got sick but I attacked it with Emergen-C head on and the worst I got was a tickle in my throat.

I've been super dehydrated lately. I need to drink more water.

Well, I'm blogging random thoughts. Guess I'm back?

Meme Revisit

Super bout of insomnia tonight...

Anywho, I just caught up on my friend Mel's blog and she reposted a meme I tagged her in 3 years ago with the updates. lol. Oh man...then when I reread MY ORIGINAL POST it made me sad...and nostalgic for what my life was 3 years ago compared to how it is now. But, I digress...here is my revisit:

8 TV SHOWS I LOVE TO WATCH:

(I love how my original list comprised mostly CANCELED TV Shows. HA!)

1. Person of Interest. It's...like...the love child of "Lost" and "24". SOOOOO good.
2. Pan Am. Another new show. Retro 60's with a great premise. DEFINITELY hooked.
3. Real World/Road Rules Challenges. My favorite dose of trashy, watch-it-alone-in-the-dark reality tv. I salivate at the thought of it coming on. ha!
4. Law & Order SVU. Especially when it's a marathon on USA...awesome.
5. ANTM 17: All stars: I try not to think about how obsessed I am with this show. And Laura is my Favorite and I hope she wins. lol
6. Glee: I'm reluctant to admit this one. Season 2 was my first season and I wasn't too impressed with the first half. The second half got better. I watched ALL of the Glee Project over the summer and I LOVE the people who won, except for the cross-dressing gay guy. So far, I like their story arcs, the ones we've seen anyway. I HATE I can go a month without watching it and only miss one episode. Still not addicted enough to want to pay for the music.
7. Friends. Old habits die hard. I can't decide if I'm happy or sad that it reruns on "Nick at Nite" now. *SIGH*
8. 24. I need to find someone to indoctrine into the ways of Jack Bauer.

8 PLACES I LOVE TO EAT:

Sadly there are several to choose from...which may explain my balloon in weight...* DOUBLE CHIN SIGH*

1. Costa vida...because I have to boycott Cafe Rio on Principle.
2. Applebees...only for the appetizers that are half price after 9...again, insert incoherent reference to my weight gain here.
3. Thai House...haven't been there in TOOO long.
4. Costco....lol I lunch here with cougar bait fairly regularly for a good old fashioned gossip sesh
5. Dennys...sometimes only a $2 quesedilla will suffice whilst writing lesson plans.
6. Chic fil a...the nuggets are sinful
7. My Kitchen...seriously, I'm quite the cook and I know what I like
8. Farr's Fresh...but only with Katie Duh.

8 THINGS THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY

1. Slept in. =D
2. Didn't have class. =D =D
3. Ate at Fazoli's with Cougar Bait and went to H & M
4. Discovered H & M is basically the Ikea of Clothing Stores.
5. Picked up Eric and went to rehearsal.
6. Freaked out about the show (see previous entries)
7. Calmed the hell down after a LONG talk with a friend
8. Caught up on my blog and found the PERFECT audition song for Saturday's "Xanadu" audition

8 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO:

1. This semester being over.
2. Extra Long Christmas Break. =) (Can you say school doesn't start back until Jan 9th?!?!?)
3. Next semester's easy load of Social Studies teaching Composite Electives as a chance to study for the Praxis.
4. My grades for this semester...cause I know they will be good.
5. My brother coming home.
6. The New Year
7. Graduation
8. Being happy

8 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT FALL

1. weather
2. weather
3. weather (maybe it's cheating but I really love fall weather)
4. Snuggling under a blanket, bonus if it's with someone cute.
5. Halloween
6. Spicy smelling scents and candles
7. Anything pumpkin
8. Thanksgiving

8 THINGS ON MY WISHLIST

1. Voice Lessons
2. More Roles on my resume
3. Teaching job after I graduate
4. Someone who likes me
5. chances to indulge my yellow personality
6. feathers to finish regalia for my outfit
7. more friends or people who want to hang out with me
8. World Peace

There you have it. =)

Whataya want from me

I hate when I relinquish control of my life to circumstances or people. I need validation from others and approval, but they don't have to control how I feel. I tend to forget that. so hearing, after the fact I might add, that i my last show i got blamed for stuff that went wrong really irked me. And made me super self conscious about my acting. And those wounds are still pretty fresh...making me extra sensitive doing this new show. (I'm in a small production of "A Christmas Carol" in Springville) I'm extra wary and guarded and I shouldn't be. Some of my favorite people are in the show with me. *SIGH*

BUT...a couple of things have happened recently that have helped to partially rectify that damage to my psyche. My acting coach telling some some wonderful things about my acting in front of our class was amazing. To quote my friend who is taking the class with me "That was quite the accolade" and it was. Then, tonight, having that same friend talk me out of my self-imposed funk also helped. I am better and ready to proceed. Listening to some Evanescence and finding the perfect 80's audition song also helped a TON. (Though now that I think about it, a billion girls will probably sing it but oh well, they won't sing it as well as I. =D)

Anyway, that is all for now. Just really needed to blog tonight. =)

Leave of Absence

basically describes where I've been. lol. So...like everyone said, I took on too much. 15 credit hours, being president of the Native club, costuming 2 shows and being a lead in another was too much. I needed it though to show me I do have limits and that there are consequences to surpassing them. I had to drop out of  costuming a show. it burned a bridge, one that I don't care too terribly about, but burned a bridge nonetheless. I left them a bit in the lurch, though all they had to do was finish hemming and trimming costumes. i was able to make a REALLY good contact with the other show, which is all that mattered to me, and the director was very impressed with me.

My school and club responsibilities didn't suffer, I don't think. I got a bit behind but after I quit the other show, things lifted and became better. I wasn't as focused as I needed to be on the show I was a lead in and it caused me to learn my lines later than I wanted to. (though, in my defense, there were a LOT of problems with that show in the production side of things that caused it to be such a bad experience. Actually, the director was lazy and had zero communication skills with those of us who weren't "theater majors" but that's an entirely different blog...I take full responsibility for my own actions and I was off book at least a week before the male lead so whatever...) Anyway, I learned a lot from the experience. And that's why I've been so quiet.

I am so excited for...life! I am loving being in school. I am MEANT to teach. I got to go to Albuquerque in the end of October and really found my calling at that Education conference I went to. Again, another post for another day. I just love the direction my life is about to go and i can't wait to get started! 

All Dogs Go to Heaven

See that sweet doggy with her tongue sticking out? That is Lucky. I LOVE that doggy. I called her my Luppy Duppy. My family had for for at least 6 or 7 years...probably more. She was my brother's dog and a favorite of my Dad. She loved me even though i didn't come home often. My sister would hold the phone up to her when I called and I would say "Hello my luppy luppy duppy" and her ears would perk up and her tail would wag. And she'd whimper.

She died today. And I am ok because I said my goodbyes in July. She didn't look so hot then (She had gone blind and had diabetes...) and I honestly prayed that she would be taken soon. She couldn't see me but she recognized my voice even though she hadn't heard it in over 3 years.

Pray for my sister...she's not doin so well. Her cat died 2 years ago and she was the last animal my dad brought home. (That's how we had all our pets growing up...my dad would bring home strays.) Now Lucky is gone and my sister is taking it really hard. The cat died on my father's anniversary of his death. I know it sounds silly but with each one, my sister feels like everything she loves is being taken away and she's taking it really hard. =(

Anyway, I will miss my sweet Luppy Duppy...

Born to Teach

So, I started this semester as a means to an end: finish my degree whether I teach or not. But with each passing day in class (and mind you I have only had 8 days..) I am reminded why I chose this degree in the first place.

I am born to teach.

There. I said it. I am. Sometimes I feel silly choking back tears when I have a sweet, tender mercy-like experience in class that reaffirms this. I am going to be a good teacher. I know it won't be easy and I know I'm still gonna struggle with my yellow demons, but...I will be awesome.

I have a fantastic professor right now. She is the one who's class I blogged about on the first day of school. Seriously, the woman looks MY AGE. But, on Monday, after our mid class break, we got her talking about 9/11. One of the students had seen her on a BYUTV documentary with survivor stories. She hadn't said anything to any of us yet about that part of her life. And the day after the 10 year anniversary, she found herself telling us a little about her story and how she came to be teaching Secondary Curriculum Instruction & Assessment at UVU. (Bear in mind I said she LOOKS my age which is 32)

She had been a broker on Wallstreet making serious money. Like...SERIOUS money. She was in the basement of the 2nd tower? I believe she was trapped for several hours before the tower came crashing down. Obviously, she lived. She didn't go into too many details because it's still really hard to talk about for her, but, suffice it to say, she reevaluated what she wanted to do with her life. THEN she tells us the following about her:

• She holds a bachelor's degree and 2 masters degrees and a doctoral degree.
• She backpacked across Asia (and maybe Europe...I can't remember) FOR 8 YEARS
• She served in the Peace Corps
• She has taught in Refugee camps in Asia as well as other out of the way places throughout the world.
• She taught at American Fork High School for 5 years before teaching at UVU and getting her Doctorate.
• She has a 9 year old daughter. And I think, though I have no clue, but I think she is a single mom.

Needless to say, She's PROBABLY not 32. lol. Then she started talking about her passion for education and training teachers for new generations. And I LOVE HER. I have similar thoughts and values when it comes to teaching and I why I want to teach. 

I can't thank God enough for the circumstances that lead me to UVU. And for the circumstances that lead me to finishing my degree when I am. She isn't the only professor I have right now who's classes I KNOW I was supposed to take. I know, it sounds mildly crazy. But there is "a time to every purpose under heaven" and this is my time. and my little brain is just soaking it all up. I am just so content and so freaking happy. THIS is what all that crap I've been through the last year or so has been for. THIS is what I've been fighting though the tunnel to obtain. 

ok. enough of my silliness for one day. =) 

I am happy.

2 weeks and counting...

I love Shawshank Redemption...it's one of my top 5 Movies. Everytime Brooks gets out of prison, it just breaks my heart knowing what comes next. And the movie has taken a different meaning now that I someone close to me is in prison.

Anyway, that has nothing to do with the title, I just happen to be watching Shawshank right now. I'm actually enjoying having my house all to myself on last weekend before I move. I will miss living with Somerset. And Kim. but I am excited for my new place. and ward.

Oh, I signed a contract the other day. I will be moving into a townhouse. And I am super super excited! I LOVE my room and it's a nice area.

I'm stressed but it's a good stress. I am enjoying my classes and loving the activities i am involved in. I think it will be a fun year for the Native Club and I can't wait til my show opens and the other shows open so i can see how the costumes look. It's weird to think all that chaos will be over soon.

I am going to do my classroom observation at UCAS, which is a science charter school on the UVU campus. (most kids are 100% concurrently enrolled in UVU classes and graduate with their associates degree.) I am excited. And it doesn't hurt it's located about 50 feet from the Education building. =D

I look at how content and happy I am right now and contrast that to where I was at the beginning of the summer and it's...night and day. I guess the crazy thing si how much I didn't realize how unhappy I was.

That being said I need to do some damage control. My weight is out of hand. I weigh more than I have ever weighed in my life. UGH Like I need THAT to deal with. Making some SERIOUS changes starting today. Hope to see some results soon. *SIGH* the ever present battle.

and I leave you with this thought:

Dear Taylor Lautner,

While I applaud your effort to be something OTHER than a werewolf in movies, I don't think anyone will see you as anything BUT a werewolf. Don't be shocked if your next move bombs.

Love Me.

Home is where...

you make it?

So I'm hunting for an apartment/place to live. I want to be in the boundaries of a new ward I want to attend.

Not having to worry about BYU approved housing (HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I'm hunting in a specific area of Orem. And let me tell you...there are some interesting listings! With today's economy, young married couples (or in some cases not so young) are renting rooms out in their own homes. Rooms. Like...where the nursery/kid's room is supposed to be. In a house with a married couple. Multiple roommates.

SERIOUSLY!?!?!?!?


I understand that times are tough...and a changin...but...come the hell ON people. It's freaking Orem. I feel like I'm answering an ad for swingers wanting...something other than just a roommate. Seriously. But they will word their ads ever so carefully so as not to immediately creep you out. Nope, that comes when you call them to clarify just what exactly "Must love our dog" means...creepy. and kinky...and...well, other not so appropriate things.

luckily, I have my eye set on a specific condo place. Or i just an ad for a basement apartment actually ON the golf course in west Orem that includes...wait for it...ALL utilities, including cable and internet. REALLY hoping I can run over there tomorrow and snag the place practically sight unseen, fur reals!

Anyway...I'm oddly excited to move and have my own place. I know I tried it several years ago and I wasn't ready to live by myself just yet. If it weren't for Craig and Will and my cat I don't think i would have escaped unmedicated...that was probably the closest I've EVER been to depressed in my life. BUT...that being said, I'm in a much MUCH better place now. And I'm excited for this ward so hopefully it will work out. Otherwise, I'm perfectly content to live in these condos. The guy I'm talking with won't be back in town til wed so that is the earliest I could sign anything with him. I'll pester this other chick tomorrow. =) Hopefully, I'll have something signed by friday and I'll have a whole 2 weeks to pack and move crap over. And I'll probably do a HUGE purge of clothing and crap this time around so I'll be making a few DI runs as well. 

New year new place...

So I have discovered a new ward that I am excited about. But, while you can attend all you want, you have to live in the boundaries to really be in the ward and have a calling and whatnot. SOOO....

I am moving. Again. I'll miss this place but it's a good time to move. And I think I'll be living in some condos off of Geneva road which will be fun. And closer to UVU and the freeway which will shave a few minutes off of my commute to work in Mapleton.But I will miss living with Somerset. And Kim. I don't really like the new chick; she's got a little of what I call "Bitter Fat Chick Syndrome" and it's annoying to hear her talk and complain about her day and stuff. So I won't miss her. But I'll miss the house and the dogs. But, let's be honest, save for my last birthday party which lasted not super long, I haven't really hosted much.

I am loving school The plays are going great. I'm doing a lot of shopping (not with my money) and sewing. I need to memorize more lines. I hung out with different people this weekend which was fun. And different. And I'm REALLY excited for this ward. I have been one of the "young ones" in a while. And as I was standing around at ward prayer tonight, about 80% of the guys were quite a bit taller than me. So THAT'S where all the tall guys went. lol. But, seriously, I'm excited about meeting some new people and all that jazz.

So far, school is going well. I'm not behind yet, which is always a good thing. my goals are small: to not miss class, even if I show up an hour late. (most of my classes are 2 or 3 hours long) So far so good. I'm also turning in all assignments, even if they are late. Seems trivial but these are things I have serious problems with and that usually cause me to do badly in school.

I'm trying to be a good Native Club president but I will be leaning on my officer quite a bit...but that's what Officers are for, right?

Anyway, life is great right now. I'm so dang blessed. I hope it continues!

Dear Utah Weather as of Late:

Stormy skies...lightning-filled nights...damp pavement in the morning and evening...

You have given us all of these things and more...

Please please PLEASE don't stop. It's curing my homesickness. And taking my mind off of unpleasantries.

That is all.

Charlotte's Web

so...first days of school are laden with "getting to know you" questions. I secretly love this part of the year. Whether it's finding out if that cute guy is single or telling what I think are passe things about myself to total strangers I don't know, I just love it.

In my only class today we did an interesting exercise. First, we listed some traits about ourselves in one column. Easy, right? the next column we had to list movie titles that EMBODIED the traits we listed. Among them, I thought of "Shakespeare in Love" because I had listed Actress, director and costumer and I felt that movie embodied all 3. Then in the next column we had to pretend we were that Movie and list things we might say...I said things like "misunderstood because of my rating" (it's R) "Award-winner" "Love Story" "tragedy" etc. Then we had to, in the next column, write down words that were opposites, like tragic love story, etc...then we had to circle the most opposite of the comparisons. I chose Tragic/love story. THEN we had to come up with items, or anything else really, that contained that dichotomy. I listed, among other things, Charlotte's Web. And FINALLY we had to stand up and introduce ourselves by saying our names and how we are like whatever we chose. We had some great ones. One guy was Voldemort. One guy was a new Job. A couple were school. My favorite was...something about money. it was funny. Pretty unique i would say.

and I'm one day closer to being a teacher. =)